What is it about people that makes them cheat? Why don't they just break it off when they get a feeling that things aren't right or they are bored or they are just lusting after someone else they can't seem to stay away from?
In the last 2 months, I've found out two of my good friends from home (let's call them Sam and Scott) have cheated on people. Now Sam, he was in a long distance relationship with this girl and to be quite honest, I don't like her very much and didn't see it going anywhere; however, I also don't condone being unfaithful when you have made a commitment to someone, even if it's just girlfriend-boyfriend status! I know in the past I have cheated once and I've already explained the circumstances; however, I do not justify it or feel good about it to this day. Anyway, getting back to Sam and his predicament....after a while, he started to realize it was going south...that there was no potential there and that she was a Debbie Downer. She complained about everything that went wrong in her life and yet did nothing to change it (I hate those kind of people by the way....as my dad says, "There are 3 things you can do about it: fix it, deal with it, or leave/get out of it." She also was horribly ungrateful for some of the things that Sam did for her. So a while after these feelings emerged, he was in town and decided to live it up with his buddy here in South Florida. I guess one night he hit it off big with these girls and the next thing you know he's slept with them. He tells me this and also explains that he's breaking up with his girlfriend when he gets back in town, because he didn't want to have to deal with the consequences on his trip....that she would be upset and that her reaction would ultimately ruin his trip. First off, if you know things aren't going well, BREAK UP WITH THEM! Second of all, how selfish to only be thinking about how it would affect him and not her. Of course, he probably didn't tell her he cheated on her, which is probably a good thing, because no one likes to know that someone else satisfied their significant other, whether it be physically or emotionally, more than they did themselves. Again, let me reiterate, I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING; however, at least in this case it was just a girl friend.
Moving on to Scott....I've been trying to contact him for quite some time now...to catch up, but I'm not going to lie, while Facebook stalking, I noticed that both the statuses of him and his "fiance" changed. Finally, Scott got back to me a few nights ago and this is what he told me: He and his fiance got engaged around the beginning of April, after dating for over a year and living together for at least 6 months (I believe). They, being so excited I guess, decided they didn't want to wait and secretly got legally married a month later. Now, here's where things go to shit.....see I met his ex-wife I guess I should call her, although the divorce isn't finalized yet...and she was a sweet, fun loving girl! I really really liked her....actually at first I hated the thought of her/was jealous of her, because a long long time ago I had thought it would be nice if Scott and I dated, but that never happened for several reasons. Anyway, once I met her I was like 'Wow she is really awesome! They have the same quirks! They really make a great couple!' Bitterness and jealousy gone instantly! But Scott said that as soon as he stepped out of the courthouse, it was like a huge anvil had been dropped on his stomach....He had this horribly bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and all the doubts he had had about her or ignored about her started to set in. Now, let me interject here....this is when I would have started thinking....should I have done this? Why did I rush into this? And then I may have acted on them...tried to come up with a plan.
Apparently he felt trapped and was thinking some of these things, but didn't act on them. Things started to get routine: they would eat dinner, watch tv, and then go to bed without really talking and the night of their 2 year anniversary (of dating) they went out to dinner and Scott said it was the most awkward date of his life....no one talked, they just picked at their food. Ok, so here's red flag number 2....if you are seeing this pattern, maybe you should start thinking about if things are going to work out and maybe doing something about it. I guess the weekend after they got legally married, he had a business trip to NY where he met this bartender. As soon as he walked in the door he said he grabbed his friend and said, "I have to talk to her." By the end of the night he had walked the bartender back to her car and kissed her (RED FLAG 3...BREAK IT OFF WITH YOUR WIFE DUDE). But it didn't end there, he went back to the bar his second night in town and got her phone number and they texted every day after that, even when he got back home. So I guess, he and his "wife" started talking and sharing their feelings about how things had changed and tried working on it (although, I don't know how much "working on your relationship" you can get done when you are still texting the bartender you met in NY the weekend after you got married). Eventually his "wife" moved out, because she said she couldn't take being there anymore....it reminded her of too many good memories they had. Scott continued to see the bartender when he went to NY or she traveled to see him or they met half way. His "wife" finally got wind of what was going down, because she found something on twitter and wrote the bartender. She made Scott confess to her on the phone and later to her face. Scott finally fessed up to the bartender about everything and the bartender told him she was never going to talk to him again, but then that night called him saying that she needed to talk to him and he better never lie or omit anything to her again or they were done (What a stupid bitch btw! Ok, I get you didn't know at first that he was married....that part is really his fault.... but then after you find out you are the other woman and were semi part of the reason that things didn't work out...why would you go back to him? Why would you not feel guilty enough to stop what had been going on? What do you think he will probably do to you? You are a STUPID woman....a stupid semi-homewrecker! Where is your self respect? Where are your morals and values? What are you doing with your life?!!!). So to sum it all up, two hearts were broken and he doesn't really know what he wants! And even though he says he's shed many tears about it and regrets it and blah blah blah....he still walked away with the bartender! WTF DUDE....honestly, and I know this may be mean to say because I'm his friend and all, but I think he should be sitting in his room, balling his eyes out and miserable, feeling like he will never be loved again!!!!
What the hell is wrong with guys? Why don't they only act when they know what they want? Ironic part is, this isn't Scott's first engagement (although no one in our group of friends knows that except for me)! Um, do you see a slight pattern buddy?!!!
It's just very disgusting and upsetting to me. Here I am, thinking that these two guy friends of mine are stand up guys....people you can trust, people who have morals...and sure we all make mistakes, but still...my friends? These guys I grew up with since middle school who have been amazing friends to me...why, how, where did this come from? And to be honest Sam's unfaithfulness bothers me less than Scott's, BECAUSE SCOTT WAS MARRIED!!! MARRIED!!!! That's like a WHOLE other level of cheating....Right up at the top.
It makes me worried....scared...to even think about getting engaged again and married. Scared to trust men, scared to have faith in men. It makes me think, "How could that NOT happen to me, if my good guy friends have done it?" and it makes me think back to my relationship with Roberto and how traumatized I was by our break up and we weren't even engaged! What must Scott's ex-wife be feeling? How has she not curled up in a ball and rotted in her room, because her heart is so broken? They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but how much can one person go through before it's too much?
What is wrong with people now-a-days?! Why does almost no one take marriage seriously?!!! Why didn't you try relationship counseling...why couldn't you have decided to be separated and go through a divorce before you started hooking up with someone? WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE SOME DISCIPLINE AND SELF CONTROL (LIKE THE MILITARY IS SUPPOSED TO TEACH YOU) AND KEPT IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL THINGS WERE OVER?!!!!!!!!!! And he walks away with the damn girl....Just la la la...look what I got away with and now I have this other SHINY NEW PIECE OF ASS that I can focus on and get over everything else with! Errrr....I'm angry and scared for all the women out there!
God, let's hope that my two good girl friends who are married and in happy relationships stay that way and that that's the way I end up, because I swear to God, if I get married and my husband cheats on me I'm literally going to CHOP HIS BALLS OFF AND FEED THEM TO HIM!!!
Well, that's all for now....comment if you got something!
Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs
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