Hello, hello! Well, I hope you all are doing well today. As for me, I've had a decent day of lab work and studying (yea..boring! I know!).
So, I'm going to tell you about a little rule I made up to help us girls out and which I am now going to strictly stick to....I call it The Rule of 4. It's kinda like that rule that's out there about the number of people a girl or guy sleeps with....you know, You take the number of people a girl says she's slept with and multiply it by 3 to get the real number and with guys, you take the number they give you and divide 3 to get the correct number. Well, with my rule of 4, you take the age of a guy and you subtract 4 years from that age. This will give you the age that they really act/their maturity level.
For instance, let's take Matt, the annoying shoe. He was 24 years old, but in reality, acted more like 20. Another example...let's take Roberto. He was 23, yet really acted like a 19 year old, especially the way he handled the break up and the smoking pot and everything else in his life. Which, oh, by the way, did I tell you that my suspicions have been confirmed. I finally found out why he broke up with me and it was for a girl...a skanky, blonde-bitch whore of a girl (who worked at the aquarium with us and pretended to by my friend) who had been cheating on and probably still is cheating on her HUSBAND (That's right! HUSBAND!!!) with multiple people, one of those people now being Roberto, the Croc! Well, you asked for a less committed relationship and I guess you got it...don't be surprised when you also find yourself with an STD.
So, after these two douche's...I started thinking about this rule. I thought to myself...wow, I think I'm done dating younger guys...it just never seems to work out. They never seem to be on my level. Now listen, I know there are exceptions out there, like my brother for example, but as a general rule of thumb, younger guys equal immature and stupid!
Again my thoughts about age were confirmed when I went out with the sous chef, the one I met on POF....yea you remember him. I posted about our first date a while back....the disappointment of it not being like my first date with Roberto (pshhhh!). He's 23, but I thought...Hey! Seems like he's got his life together and he's already in Grad school and working at an amazing restaurant...why not try! When we were trying to plan our second date, we had being been going back and forth via text several times about ideas of where to eat and what to do, when I got this text message from him that said: "We could make out"... 'Really? REALLY!!!?' I thought to myself. I then wrote back, 'Well, I wouldn't consider that much of a date and now you have made me feel uncomfortable.' Then Mr. sous chef proceeds to tell me that his immature friend was playing a game on his phone and saw he was texting me and he had written that. Right! Like I'm supposed to believe that. Then sous chef begs and begs me to believe him and even calls me in this little puppy dog voice. Fine, I'll give him another chance, I thought to myself.
So, we end up meeting downtown and going to this burger joint, listening to this live band, which I thought was half way decent, but the WHOLE time he was mocking the guitarist and making rude comments. Oh...and then, unlike the first date, when I tried to get him to talk, it was like pulling teeth. By this point in time, I was pretty much over this date, but I hoped it would get better. After dinner, I made him show me his cooking tools and knives....hey, if I'm going out on a date with a sous chef I want to see his equipment! LOL!
Then we headed to the beach (because the place we were going to after our dinner was closed). So, we are walking on the beach and talking about I don't know what and we stop at this one house. We sit on the sea wall and stare at the stars and the waves crashing on shore.....great time to get close. I even shivered a few times, because I was cold and then outright said: 'Brr...I'm chilly' and still nothing! I had been anticipating this kiss, because I was wondering what our physical chemistry was like, since everything else wasn't adding up. Nothing...NOT A THING...didn't move close to me, didn't offer me his jacket...nothing! So, we walk back to his car because I need to go to bed early since I have my sea turtle job the next day....and I go: 'Oh it's that awkward time of the night again,' trying to get a laugh out of him. Instead, like a little boy, he asks me what I want to do. I said, 'Well, I guess I'll kiss you'....so I lean in to kiss him and what do I get?!!!! A fucking tight-mouth lemon kiss.....no open mouth, no tongue, no emotion...no nothing! I even gave him signals that I wanted a real kiss, playing with his lips with my tongue a little....still nothing. Well, that was it for me. I was through with him. The next day he text me 3 times and I didn't text him back...I was over it!
Again, the text message he sent me, being rude at the restaurant with the band, not trying to warm me up when I was cold, and the lame ass (if you can even call it) kiss....the rule of 4 confirmed!
Oh and, as if I needed any more confirmation, I met this guy at a club one night who seemed pretty cool...asked me all the right questions, like if I was in college, what I wanted to do with my life, etc etc. I found out he was Sicilian and lived in Sicily for 17 years or so before he moved over here (and was VERY EXCITED!!!). He was 22, but I thought, eh...he's well traveled, is in college, and whatnot.....Oh, again...how I was wrong. He said he wanted to take me out on a date, then canceled it the day of, then never texted me again and I saw a status on his facebook one day that was a response to his buddies' comment....it said: "Man, you are just jealous you didn't get pussy last night and I did!" Ewwwwwwww! Delete and done with that one. Definitely acted like he was 18!!!
So, long story short....use the Rule of 4 girls! It really helps! I guess this means I should be shooting for 29 year olds...woop woop!! :) Just as long as they aren't older than 34...I'm good!
Good night ladies and good luck with the Rule of 4....I hope it helps you (and myself) out in times of need!
Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Annoying Shoe: The shoes you keep around because they're cute, but you wonder why!
Ok...so after Roberto and I broke up I was devastated for a long time. I told you...I couldn't eat or sleep normally for quite some time. I had dreams of Roberto...our first kiss, the last thing he said to me, etc etc...He kept haunting me. There was no way I was ready for anything serious. I couldn't stand the thought of putting myself back out there...in the dating world; giving 100% of myself again, just to be crushed AGAIN. The thought was just heartbreaking. Just because I didn't want anything serious, didn't mean I didn't want anything at all though......as the months went by and March came around....I hadn't had sex in a while and it was getting to me.
Two of my friends from the west coast (of FL..duh!) came to visit me one weekend. It was promised to be an awesome time...partying, good food, etc. And well...that's pretty much what it ended up being. First we went out to dinner at this lovely Hookah spot, which was lots of fun! We drank way too much (or at least two of us did) and as the night passed, we found our way to one of my favorite spots in Ft. Lauderdale....My friends and I danced on the bars, danced on the table in front of the DJ's....just had an absolute blast. I had several guys dancing with me....I needed and ego boost and I got it! Then I met Matt.
Oh Matt....he started dancing with me, grabbing on me and the song ended, and I moved on to another guy. But I could see him making eyes at me, wanting me, from across the place. Soon he was back dancing with me again and then suddenly it just started to downpour. Did anyone care though? No...We were all getting soaked and everyone just kept dancing! I felt like I was in a music video....my wet, curly hair with water dripping from it...throwing it from side to side, as per the usual.....soaked from head to toe and absolutely loving it! I kissed Matt while dancing in the rain....what a cliche, movie moment. Soon to be ruined by him asking if he could come home with me and sleep on my futon....."Yea right dude...who do you think I am?!!! And by the way, I have no room since my friends are staying over!" I responded to his question, somewhat offended.
I still gave him my number though and right after I left he texted me....big surprise...
"Hey beautiful"......Yep, he was one of those guys...let me flatter you severely until I get in your pants.
Anyway, I didn't really text him back. I was way too tired and we ended up getting pulled over by the cops because I accidentally had an expired registration...damn it, I knew I forgot something on my birthday! My friend, the one who hadn't been drinking, was driving. The cop was actually pretty nice, so at least our night wasn't completely ruined.
A few days later, Matt and I decided to get together to eat dinner and chill. I thought..."Oh cool...maybe this will be a date and he'll pay for me"...Wrong! That's ok....I wasn't really expecting much from him anyway. We ended up going back to my place. This is the night I crossed him off the relationship list and added him to the "I'm going to use you for sex " list, because I found out he had cheated on his ex girlfriend who he had been going out with for 3 year and then he tried to blame in on alcohol...douche! No relationship potential whatsoever...in my eyes...perfect..I didn't need that hassle anyway!That night we did everything except sex.
It was 3 days later that I saw him next...and this time I was ready to go. He pulled the whole "Want to watch a movie" line and I was thinking, 'What are we...in middle school again?!' I just chuckled to myself. I could already tell this was going to be an interesting night. I think we watched "Surf's Up" and I made him wait to do anything with me until I heard my favorite line....when the fire urchin gets stepped on and he says: "Stepped on me...he danced on me! Look...broken, broken, gone, gone, broken!" as the urchin is pointing to all his damaged spines! I love that part! Makes me laugh every time!
Anyway, we are getting down..and then just as fast as it started, it was over. Boo! I was so disappointed....I hadn't gotten off in 3 and a half months!! But I figured, ok...it's our first time together and no one really is used to one another...it's always a bit awkward, so I'll let him slide.
The next time Matt wanted to get together, I was a little hesitant. See...it was a bad time of the month and I wasn't sure how he would react to that. I told him he could come over, hoping that I could at least get some lip action! So...we "watched" another movie. Soon enough we were making out...all hot and heavy..he's taking off my shirt when I tell him the first time: "Just to let you know, it's not a good time of the month." I guess he didn't care, because he just kept undressing me. Oh, and by the way, I must have told him at least 5 times that I had my period, but whatever. So I'm thinking...ok, he doesn't care! Sweet....I'm totally gonna get mine tonight and then we'll take a shower together! WRONG again!
I get on top and start getting real into it.....riding him as hard and fast and I want. He keeps trying to smack my ass, and I'm like "No no no no....please don't....you will mess me up." So, I guide his hands to my thighs so he can hold on to them while I'm doing my thing. I'm getting so close....just on the brink of getting there when he goes..."Hey wait...stop...didn't you just say you had your period." 'Um yea....I told you like 5 times'......his face looks confused for a minute, then he says "Oh, I'm going to hop in the shower...come on." He keeps trying to get my to come to the shower and I keep refusing:
'No..'
"No...why?" Matt asks.
'Because I can't get off that way and condoms don't work very well in the shower.'
After this little argument, Matt proceeds to get all whiny because there is "stuff" on him. 'Wow...what a little bitch'...I'm thinking in my head. I yell at him "Just wash it off!" He then asks me for a towel, which I whip at his face and climb back into bed angry.
Matt finally finishes in the bathroom and comes back to bed, asking me why I am shooting him death stares! Really...really I have to explain this to him!!!! So I try to put it in layman's terms:
'I was just about to get off when you rolled me off of you and it's been THREE AND A HALF MONTHS since I've gotten off.' He still looks at me lost...what more do I have to explain?!
'Ok....it's like if you were on top and just about to get off and I kicked you out of my apartment.' "What...you are kicking me out of your apartment?" he asks....
'No, no nooooooo....I'm giving you an example...look...the two times a girl is the horniest is when she is ovulating and when she is menstrating ok....and on top of that it's been three and a half months...do you get it now?!!!'
"Yea I guess so..."
'Good...now you better make it up to me RIGHT NOW!'
And so, I pretty much forced him to have sex with me again and damn it, this time I did get off and it felt good!
Oh, by the way, in the middle of the night I find that he is spooning with me and I think to myself 'Oh, this is so nice...my friend with benefits is spooning with me'.....then I find out why! I should have known...he wanted round 2 or was this 3...whatever you want to call it.....So, I'm like sure why not. So we start going at it again and then he FREAKS out because my kitten brushed up against his foot. He completely stops having sex with me. I'm like, "Dude...just put the cat on the floor!" What a douche, right?! Oh...it only gets better!
So, after this whole situation...I really wasn't in the mood to see him any time soon...especially after he had told me that I was high maintenance in bed, because I wouldn't let him smack my ass when I was on top....even though I explained that I know the speed, the angle, and the momentum I need to get off, but whatever. He was more of a pain in my ass then pleasure.
Foolish me....I gave him one more try. This third time was the worst, because I told him I didn't want to use his trojans, I wanted to use my durex. See...in my past experiences, Trojans break on me (and Lifestyles dry out) and so I didn't want to use them. But in the middle of having sex (Go figure!) he stops and says "I don't think this Durex is ok...I think it has a hole" and I sarcastically snip back at him "Oh yes...cause I'm a psycho bitch that pops holes in condoms..." So, Matt switches to a Trojan Endz...great, just great....but we are in the heat of the moment and I want to get off again, so I'm just like...whatever! Yea well...I should have stopped him, because that condom with it's spermicide gave me an allergic reaction....I was extremely itching and irritated for at least 4 days after....I mean to the point where I thought I was gonna scratch off my whole vagina! When the allergic reaction died down, I ended up with a yeast infection cause the spermicide just fucked up my whole system down there....way to go Matt!
That's it...I was done...DONE DONE DONE! Matt continued to text me 3, 4, 5 times. I kept making up excuses: "Oh, I'm too tired" or "I'm sick" or "I don't feel like it tonight" etc etc until I was tired of lying. One night when he asked me if I was "watching the Heat game," which by the way I fucking hate professional basketball because no one plays defense and it's all about who can showboat and throw up as many shots as possible, I told him the truth....I text him and said: "Listen...this isn't working out anymore and here's why: 1. You suck as a friend with benefits. Whenever you text me I get back to you and we usually hook up, but when I text you things like 'I have a headache you should come over and fix, etc etc' you always say no. Oh...and we never do anything outside of the bedroom...it's called FRIENDS with benefits, not just benefits. 2. You never listen to any of my suggestions. When I tell you I can only get off on top, you don't believe me...umm hello I haven't been a virgin since I was 17...I think I know myself. And also, I told you I don't like Trojans and you go and use a Trojan and then you know what happens to me....I get an allergic reaction to your damn condom!
Matt writes back that maybe our schedules just haven't been matching up and that the second reason is because he doesn't want to have babies, which I then point out that Trojans are just as effective as Durex. I then tell him: "You are too paranoid and uptight and you don't make sex fun!"
After that, I didn't hear from him for several hours and when I do hear from him all he says is: "So..you seem upset" and I'm like "Yea...well there are two things you can do: fix it or forget about it" and he just writes back "I guess I'll text you later."
Since that day, he's texted me to get together several times....once which I almost gave into...when I was sick at home and could have used a little comforting touch. But then I thought....'What am I thinking...this kid causes me more trouble then satisfaction....no thanks!"
So Matt....he's that annoying pair of shoes you have. You know...everyone has a pair....the ones that you keep around because they are cute, but you always wonder why you haven't thrown them out yet. I still have Matt's number in my phone...and I still might text him in the future, but that's only til I get a better friends with benefits down here. What an annoying shoe!!!!
Good luck girls, because I have a feeling there are a lot of annoying shoes out there with a lot of drama and I'm not putting up with any of their bullshit!
Until Next time,
Reaching for Reefs
Two of my friends from the west coast (of FL..duh!) came to visit me one weekend. It was promised to be an awesome time...partying, good food, etc. And well...that's pretty much what it ended up being. First we went out to dinner at this lovely Hookah spot, which was lots of fun! We drank way too much (or at least two of us did) and as the night passed, we found our way to one of my favorite spots in Ft. Lauderdale....My friends and I danced on the bars, danced on the table in front of the DJ's....just had an absolute blast. I had several guys dancing with me....I needed and ego boost and I got it! Then I met Matt.
Oh Matt....he started dancing with me, grabbing on me and the song ended, and I moved on to another guy. But I could see him making eyes at me, wanting me, from across the place. Soon he was back dancing with me again and then suddenly it just started to downpour. Did anyone care though? No...We were all getting soaked and everyone just kept dancing! I felt like I was in a music video....my wet, curly hair with water dripping from it...throwing it from side to side, as per the usual.....soaked from head to toe and absolutely loving it! I kissed Matt while dancing in the rain....what a cliche, movie moment. Soon to be ruined by him asking if he could come home with me and sleep on my futon....."Yea right dude...who do you think I am?!!! And by the way, I have no room since my friends are staying over!" I responded to his question, somewhat offended.
I still gave him my number though and right after I left he texted me....big surprise...
"Hey beautiful"......Yep, he was one of those guys...let me flatter you severely until I get in your pants.
Anyway, I didn't really text him back. I was way too tired and we ended up getting pulled over by the cops because I accidentally had an expired registration...damn it, I knew I forgot something on my birthday! My friend, the one who hadn't been drinking, was driving. The cop was actually pretty nice, so at least our night wasn't completely ruined.
A few days later, Matt and I decided to get together to eat dinner and chill. I thought..."Oh cool...maybe this will be a date and he'll pay for me"...Wrong! That's ok....I wasn't really expecting much from him anyway. We ended up going back to my place. This is the night I crossed him off the relationship list and added him to the "I'm going to use you for sex " list, because I found out he had cheated on his ex girlfriend who he had been going out with for 3 year and then he tried to blame in on alcohol...douche! No relationship potential whatsoever...in my eyes...perfect..I didn't need that hassle anyway!That night we did everything except sex.
It was 3 days later that I saw him next...and this time I was ready to go. He pulled the whole "Want to watch a movie" line and I was thinking, 'What are we...in middle school again?!' I just chuckled to myself. I could already tell this was going to be an interesting night. I think we watched "Surf's Up" and I made him wait to do anything with me until I heard my favorite line....when the fire urchin gets stepped on and he says: "Stepped on me...he danced on me! Look...broken, broken, gone, gone, broken!" as the urchin is pointing to all his damaged spines! I love that part! Makes me laugh every time!
Anyway, we are getting down..and then just as fast as it started, it was over. Boo! I was so disappointed....I hadn't gotten off in 3 and a half months!! But I figured, ok...it's our first time together and no one really is used to one another...it's always a bit awkward, so I'll let him slide.
The next time Matt wanted to get together, I was a little hesitant. See...it was a bad time of the month and I wasn't sure how he would react to that. I told him he could come over, hoping that I could at least get some lip action! So...we "watched" another movie. Soon enough we were making out...all hot and heavy..he's taking off my shirt when I tell him the first time: "Just to let you know, it's not a good time of the month." I guess he didn't care, because he just kept undressing me. Oh, and by the way, I must have told him at least 5 times that I had my period, but whatever. So I'm thinking...ok, he doesn't care! Sweet....I'm totally gonna get mine tonight and then we'll take a shower together! WRONG again!
I get on top and start getting real into it.....riding him as hard and fast and I want. He keeps trying to smack my ass, and I'm like "No no no no....please don't....you will mess me up." So, I guide his hands to my thighs so he can hold on to them while I'm doing my thing. I'm getting so close....just on the brink of getting there when he goes..."Hey wait...stop...didn't you just say you had your period." 'Um yea....I told you like 5 times'......his face looks confused for a minute, then he says "Oh, I'm going to hop in the shower...come on." He keeps trying to get my to come to the shower and I keep refusing:
'No..'
"No...why?" Matt asks.
'Because I can't get off that way and condoms don't work very well in the shower.'
After this little argument, Matt proceeds to get all whiny because there is "stuff" on him. 'Wow...what a little bitch'...I'm thinking in my head. I yell at him "Just wash it off!" He then asks me for a towel, which I whip at his face and climb back into bed angry.
Matt finally finishes in the bathroom and comes back to bed, asking me why I am shooting him death stares! Really...really I have to explain this to him!!!! So I try to put it in layman's terms:
'I was just about to get off when you rolled me off of you and it's been THREE AND A HALF MONTHS since I've gotten off.' He still looks at me lost...what more do I have to explain?!
'Ok....it's like if you were on top and just about to get off and I kicked you out of my apartment.' "What...you are kicking me out of your apartment?" he asks....
'No, no nooooooo....I'm giving you an example...look...the two times a girl is the horniest is when she is ovulating and when she is menstrating ok....and on top of that it's been three and a half months...do you get it now?!!!'
"Yea I guess so..."
'Good...now you better make it up to me RIGHT NOW!'
And so, I pretty much forced him to have sex with me again and damn it, this time I did get off and it felt good!
Oh, by the way, in the middle of the night I find that he is spooning with me and I think to myself 'Oh, this is so nice...my friend with benefits is spooning with me'.....then I find out why! I should have known...he wanted round 2 or was this 3...whatever you want to call it.....So, I'm like sure why not. So we start going at it again and then he FREAKS out because my kitten brushed up against his foot. He completely stops having sex with me. I'm like, "Dude...just put the cat on the floor!" What a douche, right?! Oh...it only gets better!
So, after this whole situation...I really wasn't in the mood to see him any time soon...especially after he had told me that I was high maintenance in bed, because I wouldn't let him smack my ass when I was on top....even though I explained that I know the speed, the angle, and the momentum I need to get off, but whatever. He was more of a pain in my ass then pleasure.
Foolish me....I gave him one more try. This third time was the worst, because I told him I didn't want to use his trojans, I wanted to use my durex. See...in my past experiences, Trojans break on me (and Lifestyles dry out) and so I didn't want to use them. But in the middle of having sex (Go figure!) he stops and says "I don't think this Durex is ok...I think it has a hole" and I sarcastically snip back at him "Oh yes...cause I'm a psycho bitch that pops holes in condoms..." So, Matt switches to a Trojan Endz...great, just great....but we are in the heat of the moment and I want to get off again, so I'm just like...whatever! Yea well...I should have stopped him, because that condom with it's spermicide gave me an allergic reaction....I was extremely itching and irritated for at least 4 days after....I mean to the point where I thought I was gonna scratch off my whole vagina! When the allergic reaction died down, I ended up with a yeast infection cause the spermicide just fucked up my whole system down there....way to go Matt!
That's it...I was done...DONE DONE DONE! Matt continued to text me 3, 4, 5 times. I kept making up excuses: "Oh, I'm too tired" or "I'm sick" or "I don't feel like it tonight" etc etc until I was tired of lying. One night when he asked me if I was "watching the Heat game," which by the way I fucking hate professional basketball because no one plays defense and it's all about who can showboat and throw up as many shots as possible, I told him the truth....I text him and said: "Listen...this isn't working out anymore and here's why: 1. You suck as a friend with benefits. Whenever you text me I get back to you and we usually hook up, but when I text you things like 'I have a headache you should come over and fix, etc etc' you always say no. Oh...and we never do anything outside of the bedroom...it's called FRIENDS with benefits, not just benefits. 2. You never listen to any of my suggestions. When I tell you I can only get off on top, you don't believe me...umm hello I haven't been a virgin since I was 17...I think I know myself. And also, I told you I don't like Trojans and you go and use a Trojan and then you know what happens to me....I get an allergic reaction to your damn condom!
Matt writes back that maybe our schedules just haven't been matching up and that the second reason is because he doesn't want to have babies, which I then point out that Trojans are just as effective as Durex. I then tell him: "You are too paranoid and uptight and you don't make sex fun!"
After that, I didn't hear from him for several hours and when I do hear from him all he says is: "So..you seem upset" and I'm like "Yea...well there are two things you can do: fix it or forget about it" and he just writes back "I guess I'll text you later."
Since that day, he's texted me to get together several times....once which I almost gave into...when I was sick at home and could have used a little comforting touch. But then I thought....'What am I thinking...this kid causes me more trouble then satisfaction....no thanks!"
So Matt....he's that annoying pair of shoes you have. You know...everyone has a pair....the ones that you keep around because they are cute, but you always wonder why you haven't thrown them out yet. I still have Matt's number in my phone...and I still might text him in the future, but that's only til I get a better friends with benefits down here. What an annoying shoe!!!!
Good luck girls, because I have a feeling there are a lot of annoying shoes out there with a lot of drama and I'm not putting up with any of their bullshit!
Until Next time,
Reaching for Reefs
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Mary Jane Crocs: The shoes that Blind-sided you!
Hello all! Sorry I have been MIA for a while. Had midterms last week and I was freaking out! Plus, I just got back from a lovely cruise to the Bahamas with my wonderful family for my mom's big birthday! It was great....lots of dancing, sun tanning, jet skiing, and chilling. It was nice to have everyone back together again...I've really missed my whole family, especially my brother. Hey...they may grate on my nerves off and on, but I still love them! I dropped them off today at the airport and I always find that I get very cranky and irritable on the day I have to say goodbye...the hardest thing for me is to see them waving "I love you" in sign language from my rear view mirror as I drive away. I personally find that being the one that leaves is typically easier for me than being the one left behind....
Speaking of which, the culmination of events this passed weekend bring to mind my last relationship, my most recent ex: Roberto. Between the cruise, it being the 4th of July and Roberto's love of fireworks, as well as knowing that last 4th of July weekend Roberto and I were at my friend's wedding..it was a hard weekend for me. See, although this past weekend was a blast with my family, the cruise we went on was very similar to the one Roberto and I went on about 8 months ago and it brought back some bitter sweet memories. Roberto treated me for no real reason at all to a cruise (it wasn't anyone's birthday, not an anniversary, etc)....and I thought maybe, just maybe he had planned the cruise because he was possibly going to propose to me (I mean we had been dating for a year and 3 months at that time), although I tried to talk myself out of thinking that, so that I wouldn't be disappointed. Good thing I didt, because that OBVIOUSLY did not happen.
Anyway, let me get back to the beginning.....
So, when I was in Americorps, I went out with a group of people for St. Patrick's Day at Ferg's and this is actually the first time I met Roberto. At the time, I was not only taken, but I was also appalled at the fact that one of my friends was trying to get me to dance with him....I was thinking in my head: 'Ew...who is this drunken idiot and why does my friend want me to dance with him?' Come to find out....he would later be my boyfriend and even harder to believe, my ex. That night, needless to say, he didn't get my number...pshh he barely even got a full song to dance with me. I was outtie faster than you could say Stilettos...ok, maybe that line wasn't so great, but I was probably gone in the blink of an eye.
Skip ahead to the times after Ryan and I broke up and I was still friends with benefits with Chris....I am now FINALLY out of that hell hole of a place (the prep school) and working at a small aquarium in St. Pete (which is to this day still my absolute favorite job I have had!). After about a month of working at the aquarium I meet Roberto, who I recognize from before. It was at a staff meeting...I hadn't actually had the pleasure of working with him yet....I remember the first comment he ever made to me: "Well, you're awfully dressed up for the meeting".....at the time I didn't know him very well, didn't have the best impression of him in my head, and he sounded as if he was being sarcastic...so I snidely said 'I had an interview for a job downstairs..PLEASE, like I would dress this way to our staff meeting...like there's anyone to impress' and I rolled my eyes at him. Our conversation ended there....lol...makes me laugh still thinking about it.
A week or two after the staff meeting, I ended up working with Roberto. I'm working the register/guest reception area, he's the aquarist. So, we get to talking and I'm not exactly sure all that was said, we had a very long conversation...hours long actually, because neither one of us had much to do that night. All I know is I was laughing so hard I was snorting and crying, which is actually pretty typical if you can get me to laugh hard enough. Sometimes I crack myself up and make myself snort. Anyway, we get on the subject of the night I was at Ferg's and asked him how come he hasn't mentioned that night, really I was wondering in my head if he was too drunk to remember me, but he said he did. Then we started talking about Chris, my ex and the guy I was also casually hooking up with at the time, who had also worked at the aquarium. Apparently, Roberto worked with Chris the previous year and was never a fan. From Roberto I found out that Chris was two timing me with this other girl, not that Chris and I were official at the time, but he was starting to say serious stuff to me like: "If I knelt down with a ruby ring, you wouldn't marry me?" and "What if you do get into grad school far away....what will we do?"...things you don't mention to a friend with benefits.
I was actually very appreciative that Roberto told me the truth, because that night, I, for the second time, tore Chris a new asshole...I told him that he better tell his girlfriend, whom he was living with apparently, (I was the other girl, unknowingly) what was going on and well, I just gave him a piece of my mind....from that day forward, I have not talked to Chris.
I worked with Roberto a few days later and I expressed me gratitude to him....from then on, Roberto was high up on my list. The second day I worked with him, we still had great conversations and I was really beginning to like him. Hell, I was beginning to crush on him so bad after working with him only a hand full of times that I actually masturbated to him! I told him this a month after we started dating...he got a kick out of it!
The group of people I worked with at the aquarium were pretty close....I mean, there were people I wasn't fond of, but we all didn't mind hanging out with each other....getting together for things like birthday parties and whatnot. One of our aquarists was having his birthday party, 70's themed, downtown. It was my first opportunity to go out and have fun with my coworkers and I LOVE theme parties, so I was down! Roberto showed up later after work with a big brown fake afro and some crazy ass shirt! I was excited! Yes...finally a chance to get to know him outside of work!!! :) At the time, I didn't have much money so I wasn't buying any drinks...so I went around with my Farrah Fawcett coozie, dressed up in my white gogo boots, blue psychedelic dress, and peace sign necklace, asking "Who wants to buy Farrah Fawcett a drink"...Roberto offered and for the rest of the night, he kept buying them for me. By the end of the night we were dancing/grinding on each other middle school style (yea...you all remember those crazy YMCA dances)...and according to Roberto, I looked him dead in the eye and said: "Kiss me!" Which he did. Later on that night we went back to his place....I let him drive my car...we were both gone, I shouldn't have let him....
We stumble into his apartment and I sit on his couch and we talk for maybe an hour or so...I tell him about all my bad past experiences with guys...Way to go me, right? Like that's what a guy wants to hear the first time he takes you home! LOL! I guess I was just trying to be honest,..lay it all out there before we got involved. We proceed to the bedroom, where we crawl into bed and are making out hot and heavy, when Roberto leans in for a little boob action....I stop dead in my tracks and blurt out: "Excuse me Roberto, what are you intentions? Because, you aren't getting any on the first night." Roberto looks at me and says he's ok with that and that he'd like to take me out on a real date sometime. Roberto later told me he respected me for that...he also used to laugh about that night, because he said I grilled him worse than my dad did when they met!
After our sleep over, Roberto went away for a week on a family vacation, so I didn't really see him, although he did ask me to watch his fish and gave me the key to his apartment, which I thought was a little fast and interesting, seeing as we'd only had about 5 conversations, one of them being a drunken let-me-tell-you-how-this-is-going-down conversation. We talked every night that he was gone, either via text or on the phone....I miss those times...the good times, when you are getting to know each other and everything's new and exciting and they actually WANT to talk to you on the phone (honeymoon phase). I'll also never forget when he texted me that he'd rather be sleeping next to me, his teddybear, rather than his brother....
The night he got back from his family vacation he slept over my house and we had sweet, sensual sex for the first time. The next day, after we both got out of work, we went on the first date he had promised me. We went to a Cajun restaurant downtown where I ordered the Creole Chicken with mashed potatoes and a glass or Cabernet. I think he ordered some kind of fish and a Heineken. It was the first real adult date I'd been on, at least I felt like....great conversation, great food, good wine, and I felt an instant spark..we clicked...I just knew from that moment on that we were going to be together for a while. After the date, he dropped me off at home and went back to his house. We then talked on the phone for hours.
Roberto and my official anniversary was August 18th, although it probably would have been a few days before if he hadn't been so wishy washy. See, the night I got back from the date, the last few minutes that we were on the phone he said: "I know at our age, people wait to go on a few dates before they ask this, but I just can't wait....will you be my girl?" I said yes. He said goodnight. But then he texted me the next day saying something like "Oh my God, did I freak you out by asking too soon, cause I freaked myself out and...." So I called him and I said, Roberto....you are digging yourself into an even deeper ditch...I said yes, didn't I. And so we became official.
Literally from that day on, we slept together every night, either in my bed or his. We ate meals together and bought meals for one another, we cooked together, we hung out together outside of work....I came home to him after work and he to me.....it was like we were attached to the hip or maybe a small glimpse at what living together might be like...
Soon we were together for a little over a month....only that much time had passed and one night as I was lying in bed with him, as he said goodnight, he casually said "I love you." Those words scared me, and still do, to this day. I just grunted and turned over. The next morning he said "Did you hear me last night? I said I love you and that's the first time I've ever said that to someone." I had heard him and my response that morning was 'Yes, and I care for you too.' He wasn't too pleased with that response, but really only after a month, that was all he was getting out of me.
I'll never forget the day I said those three words to him though. The weekend before we were out dancing and this song came on: "I say hey, I be gone today, but I'll be back around the way, seems like everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I know, But I know one thing, that I love you...I love you, I love you, I love you." That last line I refused to sing and Roberto made a comment about it. I just looked away....I still wasn't ready. But then Monday came and I was at work. Roberto had the day off, so I hadn't expected to see him when I went down to H (a back room of the aquarium) to get water. As I came down the stairs and rounded the corner, I saw him standing in H, a slight smile on his face, focusing very hard on the task at hand (getting water for his tank at home). I don't know if it was the glow of the fluorescent tank lights or the smile on his face or the way he turned and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes, but my heart skipped a beat then sped up, my hands shook a little, and I felt like I was walking on a cloud. I came up to him slowly, looked up into those gorgeous eyes, and said "I love you," then gave him the most delicious kiss I could. I can't tell you how badly I wanted to rip off his clothes and make love to him in that room...too bad I didn't...I really regret that. It would have been one of the best sex stories/ideas ever!!!! From that day on, I was a goner.
From that day on, things progressed.....I hung out with him and his family a lot (which I forgot to tell you, but within the first week of dating him I met his whole family....including his mother, sister, brother, one of his grandmothers, and the neighbors he grew up with next to his summer lake house. Oh and don't forget, the very first encounter I had with his family was when he threw me into gay central, aka his Dad's apartment....we walk in and Roberto asks me if I want a beer, next thing I know, with beer in hand, I walk into a room full of very nice but very flaming homosexuals who are wearing tight V-neck sweatshirts, Italian leather shoes, tight fitting jeans, and I swear I remember them wearing boas. And they are ALL drinking WINE looking all classy, and here I am drinking a beer in jeans, flip-flops, and a tee shirt, looking trashy! And the apartment is decorated all modern with clear chairs, a table with a base made from a stump of a tree, African looking masks across from the couches, and two lights with white shades on them that are in the shape of a man and a female....a lovely apartment at the top of a condo in downtown with a great view, very well decorated, but WOW...It was like stepping into a gay episode of Sex in the City! I felt like such a slob!)
I found out in the second month of being with Roberto that I had got accepted to grad school about 4 hours away. I was excited and knew I had to take the opportunity...I was also a little disappointed I didn't get into USF, but with my GRE scores, I should have expected it. Roberto was excited for me...he even came down to visit with me! We decided to make the best out of the last month with each other (well, last month living in close proximity to one another)...we went to museums, we took my parents out fishing when they came to visit, etc etc. We still slept next to one another every night. Roberto wanted to get as much of me as he could before I left.
He helped me move into my apartment for grad school and we stayed together. We explored Ft. Lauderdale together. The first two months of being there, I was really afraid that Roberto would get tired of the distance thing (probably partly due to my experience with Markus) and I would cry and Roberto would reassure me. The long distance thing sucked, but we did it and handled it fairly well....I would come once a month for a weekend and so would he, so ideally, we would see each other every other weekend....although it didn't always work that way. The worst thing, like I said before, was leaving him behind and having to drive back to Ft. Lauderdale....all I wanted to do was turn the car around and I had to fight my urges.
I flew down to spend our first New Years together and we went ice skating. We decided to make it our New Years' Tradition! My birthday came around and Roberto went out with me and my friends...he even got up and sang karaoke with me (Working Men "Land Down Under"), Valentine's Day came and I sent him 14 letters, one every day up til Valentine's Day with something I appreciated about him, Six months passed and I wrote Roberto this poem:
November came around....we went on a cruise, which I told you about above. Roberto decided he wanted to go to the Bahamas because he wanted some good conch salad and he decided to go on a cruise, because: it was the less expensive route to go and he knew I had never been on one before. I was so excited! I even bought cruise langerie....a nice, short navy blue slip from Vicky's....sexy and cute rolled into one! I thought, like I said above, that maybe he was going to pop the question, because we weren't really celebrating anything big and it was sort of an impulsive trip.....oh how wrong I was. See, I actually think that this may have been where things started to go wrong. The last day of the trip, as I was waking up to pack and disembark, I broke the diamond heart necklace that Roberto gave me for my birthday and in restrospect, I feel as if this was foreshadowing/a bad omen as to what was to come. It seems to me, when I look back at it, that after the cruise, things were a bit different.
I went home for Thanksgiving the week after the cruise....everything normal there. Roberto even called every night, as per usual. But when I got back from Thanksgiving and urged him into buying tickets for his New Years trip to Rhode Island (to meet my brother and see where I grew up), Roberto kept putting it off. Tickets were just going to get more and more expensive I told him. I remember him saying, "Well I talked to my mom about it and we both think it's a bad idea.." 'What?! Why?' "Well, I think it'll be weird staying at your place and she reminded me of all the things I'll be missing here.' I really didn't understand this, because last New Years I spent with him in St. Pete and he didn't mention wanted to go hang out with his family; didn't make it seem like it was a priority. I told him just that.....that I had given up my New Years with my family last year to spend it with him and that I think he should do the same.....only for this year of course....
Well, this issue turned into a huge fight and I told him: 'Hey look! We already discussed this....so far back so that my parents had agreed in the beginning of October (I wanted to give my mom time to clean, because she NEEDS the house to be spotless in order to feel comfortable having guests over. Don't get me started on that.....)...My mom's already started cleaning the house. If you don't come I'm going to be pissed and I won't talk to you for a week!!" I had gone out of my way for him....I offered to pay the whole fare, I had told him he was sleeping in my bed room in RI, I had even sent him an excel spread sheet, YES THAT'S RIGHT, with different airlines, flight information, and prices over a week before!!! And Roberto eventually makes the flight, but then guess what he does?!!!! He makes it for the wrong days....so that he'd only be spending a full day or two with us, instead of 3 or 4. I tell him: 'Seriously....don't you want to spend more time to get the most out of your money and make the most out of the trip! I sent you an excel spreadsheet and you still screwed it up! You know how to royally fuck things up, don't you!' Roberto said it was an accident and told me he would change the flights, which he did eventually, although I thought he was going to complain some more about the money it took to switch flights as well.
So, we get over our feud about the tickets...December comes around. I keep bugging him to send me the flight info so that my brother's girlfriend can fly in around the same time as he is and we can pick both of them up at the same time. Roberto is being a pain about that.
The next time I see him is for his birthday. I drove up to St. Pete, warm chocolate chip cookies in hand, to see him. I also bought him the foot bath he really wanted. It was a good weekend....we ate good food, I paid for pretty much everything....we hung out with friends. I'm pretty sure Roberto had a good time too, between his party on Sunday night (which I stayed later than I should have for and didn't make it back to Ft. Lauderdale until after 1am all because I wanted to be there for him) and the fact that I woke him up in the middle of the night, coincidentally on his birthday, after having a sex dream about him, got on top and gave him the ride of his life. For me, that was pretty spontaneous, because random middle-of-the-night sex, like HEY! I'm waking you up to have sex with you!, hadn't happened since the first few months of our relationship.
I was sad when I left Roberto's place that weekend, knowing that the next time I would see him wouldn't be until December 30th, when he was coming to RI for New Years, which I was very excited about! I made Roberto give me two extra kisses before I left.
Then it started to happen....we didn't talk every night on the phone as we had done before, Roberto didn't even call me back on Christmas, even though I called him. He said he had eaten so much that he had fallen asleep when he called me back the next day, profusely apologizing, although I was still peeved, because who doesn't call their girlfriend on Christmas?!!!! He was still saying I love you and whatnot....we were still texting consistantly, but something was off. The first time I got this feeling was when he talked to me the day after Christmas and texted me, "jokingly," that he had cancelled the flight to RI. I called him right away and said: "What?! What do you mean you canceled it?" "Calm down, I was only joking." "JOKING! JOCKING...no, no. no...we already got in a HUGE fight about this, so why would you joke about something like that?!" He just blandly said "I don't know" and I was too pissed to carry on the conversation. So things go along, normally, I guess....until I get a voicemail from Roberto on December 28th, 2 days before he is supposed to come to RI for New Years. The voicemail says "We need to talk" and my stomach ties in knots and I think, "Uh-oh....what's going on?" Because everyone knows that when someone says that, nothing good follows.
So I call Roberto back, praying that it's not serious and the conversation goes something like this:
'Hey Roberto, What's up? Your message sounded serious'
"It is."
'Ok...well what is it? Are you ok?'
"Yea...I'm fine. But I'm not coming to Rhode Island."
Then he proceeds to tell me that he just can't be in this committed of a relationship anymore, that he can't do this coming down to Ft. Lauderdale anymore....he says all the cliche lines you never want to hear like: "It's not you, it's me" and "You're a great girl, I don't want to hurt you anymore...find a good guy down there and make him happy"....after which I broke into tears and told him that I only want to make him happy. I was full of sadness, doubt, and anger...anger that he would do this over the phone when I deserved so much more....when we had gone out for almost a year and a half. Once I got over my sadness, I was angry, as angry as Carrie was in the "Post It Note" episode....it was happening again!!! I got so angry I told him that I hated him and I never wanted to talk to him again and then I hung up. The two things he said during that conversation that hurt the most; that made me feel like my heart had been pierced with a dagger and shattered into a million pieces, that made my stomach feel as if it had a 10 pound weight in it and also like it was coming up in my throat were the following: That he had been thinking about breaking up with me on and off for months and that he couldn't stay with me anymore unless he knew he was going to marry me and he knew he wasn't going to marry me, because he "could feel it in his heart." That took my breathe away.....and I don't mean like that love song....I literally thought I was going to hyperventilate. I bawled so hard, I could barely talk....I felt like I was choking. It was horrible. I left a message after I calmed down a bit just asking for him to clear things up, because I still was very confused as to why he was breaking up with me or what I had done.....he never called me back (mistake #2 in my book, first being doing it over the phone instead of face to face). I texted him 3 times, the same kind of things....no response (strike 3).
I went downstairs after that...hair all a mess, face puffy, eyes red and had to tell me family about it....humiliated and hurting just reliving the last few minutes.
Needless to say, this past New Years was the worst one ever. I had to see my mom and dad as well as my brother and his girlfriend being all cutesy, while I sit next to an empty seat, feeling lost. I mean, yes, I had my family and I appreciated that very much, but nothing really eased the pain. The night Roberto broke up with me I didn't sleep at all. I wrote this poem instead:
It wasn't just that one night I couldn't sleep, for weeks I would wake myself up in the middle of the night, crying. I couldn't stop thinking about all the promises he made...moving in together, talking about having a "surprise" for me after grad school (aka: engagement ring), taking me to Belize, etc...and all the good times we had had and things we had been through....I really really thought this time he was the one. We were so compatible, balanced each other out....I just didn't understand what went wrong. For 2 weeks I couldn't eat....every time I took a bite of food I got nauseous, sometimes I actually did gag, thinking that I needed to run from the table to the bathroom. I could only tolerate one to two bites and then I was done. Roberto ruined New Years Eve for me....my favorite meal of the year.....we have a tradition in our family of eating meat fondu, shrimp cocktail, clams casino, New England Clam Chowder, stuffed mushrooms, and cannolis. I couldn't eat any of it...NOTHING! That was Strike #4!
Soon the holidays were over...I was flying back to Florida and I really had no motivation to go. I hated school and my advisor and my classes, and now...well, I had NOTHING to look forward to. I cried so hard at the airport...I begged my parents to let me stay...."Please, don't let me leave....I don't want to go." It was like I had reverted for just a few minutes to being 5 again, starting kindergarten and asking my mom to let me stay home...
My mom was so worried about me, she'd call me once a day, sometimes twice a day. My dad even called to check up on me....wow!
MLK weekend came around and I went up to St. Pete to visit my friends from Eckerd. That weekend I decided I was going to get my stuff back, including my Beta fish, Beni, who Roberto had been watching over the holidays. So, I sent Roberto a text two hours after I had left for St. Pete telling him that I was coming up to visit friends and that I'd like to get my fish, book, etc. back. He agreed, so the next day, Saturday, I text him that I'm coming over in an hour. He says "Oh, I have a showing in Tampa....I'll leave the stuff out on the porch." When I ask him why he would leave Beni out on the porch (Strike #5), he replies that he "forgot" I had a key. Yea...ok.....
So anyway, my friend and I go over there to collect my things....and I'm like, fuck this shit....my book isn't out here and there were a few things I gave him that I wanted back. So I go inside and what I see angers me...He has already taken down all our pictures in the picture frame I made him, the big painting we made together, the painting I made him (and spent at least 12+ hours on), etc. And I CAN'T FIND MY BOOK...which really pisses me off, because "Three Cups of Tea" is one of my favorite books! So I start searching the house, fuming mad....the first thing I do is find his weed. He spent $175 on it, then proceeded to complain about plane ticket prices (the weed he paid for was more than half of what the plane tickets were) when we were arguing about him coming to RI, plus every time I was in St. Pete the last couple of months we were dating, whenever we'd go out, he'd have to take a hit, like I wasn't fun enough to be around without doing so......So, do you know what I did?! I took that fucking shit and I FLUSHED it down the toilet...that's right! GOODBYE!! Then I went searching for my things...I was freaking out, when I finally decided to look under the bed for my painting..BAM, found it! I took that...I spent way too much time on that for it to stay in his ungrateful hands. I also found the picture frame which I bought him and decorated with cute lyrics like "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend" and "Take a Chance on me"...I took a hammer and smashed that shit. I also took back the foot path, because if he had been thinking about breaking up with me for months, then the last couple of months had been a lie, and he didn't deserve that present! I left feeling giddy, high off of life and revenge! He deserved what he got for just strike #1, but he got it for all of them, 1 through 5.
The best part of the whole thing was when he texted me to ask where his weed and foot bath were and I played dumb for a little bit, but then I said...shit, let me tell him and give him only a small amount of some of the pain he gave me. So I wrote him a text that said "Yea, I took your foot bath, cause you didn't deserve it.....and your weed....I flushed that shit down the toilet! Maybe Now you'll know what it feels like to lose something you really love!"
And that was it....since then I haven't seen him...and yes, I'll be honest....I have texted him a few times when things remind me of us, but I am happy to say that I have just recently thrown away his number so that I can never be tempted again! After all, why should I text him and try to have a conversation when he clearly doesn't deserve me!
So Roberto, he was a pair of Mary Jane Crocs. They aren't that stylish, and Roberto never really was in all his fishing/boat attire glory (he loved fishing), but they were super comfy and up til now they had been one of my favorite pairs of shoes. Ahh...but in the end, what was Roberto? Just a Croc....He was full of empty promises and foolish ideas. He said he would finish his AA degree in December...guess what? It's taken him 4 years and he still isn't done. He said all these wonderful things to me, made me think that he really pictured us together....talking about pets and houses and surprises and trips we would take and jokingly asking for my parent's number to ask my dad for my hand in marriage, but what was it all? Just lies...just deceitful little tidbits he threw my way. As Christina Perri would say "And who do you think you are? Runnin round, leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart. You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul, so don't come back for me, don't come back at all.....Cause you broke all your promises..." Roberto really was a pair of Crocs...he may have been comfortable, but in the end...do I really want to wear them all the time....are they really the shoe for me? No!
Hope you all don't have to deal with as many Crocs as I have had to....it gets tiring after a while, so much so, that I almost feel like giving up....ah, but I guess then I would just be a quiter, and I'm not one....so the search continues!
Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs
Speaking of which, the culmination of events this passed weekend bring to mind my last relationship, my most recent ex: Roberto. Between the cruise, it being the 4th of July and Roberto's love of fireworks, as well as knowing that last 4th of July weekend Roberto and I were at my friend's wedding..it was a hard weekend for me. See, although this past weekend was a blast with my family, the cruise we went on was very similar to the one Roberto and I went on about 8 months ago and it brought back some bitter sweet memories. Roberto treated me for no real reason at all to a cruise (it wasn't anyone's birthday, not an anniversary, etc)....and I thought maybe, just maybe he had planned the cruise because he was possibly going to propose to me (I mean we had been dating for a year and 3 months at that time), although I tried to talk myself out of thinking that, so that I wouldn't be disappointed. Good thing I didt, because that OBVIOUSLY did not happen.
Anyway, let me get back to the beginning.....
So, when I was in Americorps, I went out with a group of people for St. Patrick's Day at Ferg's and this is actually the first time I met Roberto. At the time, I was not only taken, but I was also appalled at the fact that one of my friends was trying to get me to dance with him....I was thinking in my head: 'Ew...who is this drunken idiot and why does my friend want me to dance with him?' Come to find out....he would later be my boyfriend and even harder to believe, my ex. That night, needless to say, he didn't get my number...pshh he barely even got a full song to dance with me. I was outtie faster than you could say Stilettos...ok, maybe that line wasn't so great, but I was probably gone in the blink of an eye.
Skip ahead to the times after Ryan and I broke up and I was still friends with benefits with Chris....I am now FINALLY out of that hell hole of a place (the prep school) and working at a small aquarium in St. Pete (which is to this day still my absolute favorite job I have had!). After about a month of working at the aquarium I meet Roberto, who I recognize from before. It was at a staff meeting...I hadn't actually had the pleasure of working with him yet....I remember the first comment he ever made to me: "Well, you're awfully dressed up for the meeting".....at the time I didn't know him very well, didn't have the best impression of him in my head, and he sounded as if he was being sarcastic...so I snidely said 'I had an interview for a job downstairs..PLEASE, like I would dress this way to our staff meeting...like there's anyone to impress' and I rolled my eyes at him. Our conversation ended there....lol...makes me laugh still thinking about it.
A week or two after the staff meeting, I ended up working with Roberto. I'm working the register/guest reception area, he's the aquarist. So, we get to talking and I'm not exactly sure all that was said, we had a very long conversation...hours long actually, because neither one of us had much to do that night. All I know is I was laughing so hard I was snorting and crying, which is actually pretty typical if you can get me to laugh hard enough. Sometimes I crack myself up and make myself snort. Anyway, we get on the subject of the night I was at Ferg's and asked him how come he hasn't mentioned that night, really I was wondering in my head if he was too drunk to remember me, but he said he did. Then we started talking about Chris, my ex and the guy I was also casually hooking up with at the time, who had also worked at the aquarium. Apparently, Roberto worked with Chris the previous year and was never a fan. From Roberto I found out that Chris was two timing me with this other girl, not that Chris and I were official at the time, but he was starting to say serious stuff to me like: "If I knelt down with a ruby ring, you wouldn't marry me?" and "What if you do get into grad school far away....what will we do?"...things you don't mention to a friend with benefits.
I was actually very appreciative that Roberto told me the truth, because that night, I, for the second time, tore Chris a new asshole...I told him that he better tell his girlfriend, whom he was living with apparently, (I was the other girl, unknowingly) what was going on and well, I just gave him a piece of my mind....from that day forward, I have not talked to Chris.
I worked with Roberto a few days later and I expressed me gratitude to him....from then on, Roberto was high up on my list. The second day I worked with him, we still had great conversations and I was really beginning to like him. Hell, I was beginning to crush on him so bad after working with him only a hand full of times that I actually masturbated to him! I told him this a month after we started dating...he got a kick out of it!
The group of people I worked with at the aquarium were pretty close....I mean, there were people I wasn't fond of, but we all didn't mind hanging out with each other....getting together for things like birthday parties and whatnot. One of our aquarists was having his birthday party, 70's themed, downtown. It was my first opportunity to go out and have fun with my coworkers and I LOVE theme parties, so I was down! Roberto showed up later after work with a big brown fake afro and some crazy ass shirt! I was excited! Yes...finally a chance to get to know him outside of work!!! :) At the time, I didn't have much money so I wasn't buying any drinks...so I went around with my Farrah Fawcett coozie, dressed up in my white gogo boots, blue psychedelic dress, and peace sign necklace, asking "Who wants to buy Farrah Fawcett a drink"...Roberto offered and for the rest of the night, he kept buying them for me. By the end of the night we were dancing/grinding on each other middle school style (yea...you all remember those crazy YMCA dances)...and according to Roberto, I looked him dead in the eye and said: "Kiss me!" Which he did. Later on that night we went back to his place....I let him drive my car...we were both gone, I shouldn't have let him....
We stumble into his apartment and I sit on his couch and we talk for maybe an hour or so...I tell him about all my bad past experiences with guys...Way to go me, right? Like that's what a guy wants to hear the first time he takes you home! LOL! I guess I was just trying to be honest,..lay it all out there before we got involved. We proceed to the bedroom, where we crawl into bed and are making out hot and heavy, when Roberto leans in for a little boob action....I stop dead in my tracks and blurt out: "Excuse me Roberto, what are you intentions? Because, you aren't getting any on the first night." Roberto looks at me and says he's ok with that and that he'd like to take me out on a real date sometime. Roberto later told me he respected me for that...he also used to laugh about that night, because he said I grilled him worse than my dad did when they met!
After our sleep over, Roberto went away for a week on a family vacation, so I didn't really see him, although he did ask me to watch his fish and gave me the key to his apartment, which I thought was a little fast and interesting, seeing as we'd only had about 5 conversations, one of them being a drunken let-me-tell-you-how-this-is-going-down conversation. We talked every night that he was gone, either via text or on the phone....I miss those times...the good times, when you are getting to know each other and everything's new and exciting and they actually WANT to talk to you on the phone (honeymoon phase). I'll also never forget when he texted me that he'd rather be sleeping next to me, his teddybear, rather than his brother....
The night he got back from his family vacation he slept over my house and we had sweet, sensual sex for the first time. The next day, after we both got out of work, we went on the first date he had promised me. We went to a Cajun restaurant downtown where I ordered the Creole Chicken with mashed potatoes and a glass or Cabernet. I think he ordered some kind of fish and a Heineken. It was the first real adult date I'd been on, at least I felt like....great conversation, great food, good wine, and I felt an instant spark..we clicked...I just knew from that moment on that we were going to be together for a while. After the date, he dropped me off at home and went back to his house. We then talked on the phone for hours.
Roberto and my official anniversary was August 18th, although it probably would have been a few days before if he hadn't been so wishy washy. See, the night I got back from the date, the last few minutes that we were on the phone he said: "I know at our age, people wait to go on a few dates before they ask this, but I just can't wait....will you be my girl?" I said yes. He said goodnight. But then he texted me the next day saying something like "Oh my God, did I freak you out by asking too soon, cause I freaked myself out and...." So I called him and I said, Roberto....you are digging yourself into an even deeper ditch...I said yes, didn't I. And so we became official.
Literally from that day on, we slept together every night, either in my bed or his. We ate meals together and bought meals for one another, we cooked together, we hung out together outside of work....I came home to him after work and he to me.....it was like we were attached to the hip or maybe a small glimpse at what living together might be like...
Soon we were together for a little over a month....only that much time had passed and one night as I was lying in bed with him, as he said goodnight, he casually said "I love you." Those words scared me, and still do, to this day. I just grunted and turned over. The next morning he said "Did you hear me last night? I said I love you and that's the first time I've ever said that to someone." I had heard him and my response that morning was 'Yes, and I care for you too.' He wasn't too pleased with that response, but really only after a month, that was all he was getting out of me.
I'll never forget the day I said those three words to him though. The weekend before we were out dancing and this song came on: "I say hey, I be gone today, but I'll be back around the way, seems like everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I know, But I know one thing, that I love you...I love you, I love you, I love you." That last line I refused to sing and Roberto made a comment about it. I just looked away....I still wasn't ready. But then Monday came and I was at work. Roberto had the day off, so I hadn't expected to see him when I went down to H (a back room of the aquarium) to get water. As I came down the stairs and rounded the corner, I saw him standing in H, a slight smile on his face, focusing very hard on the task at hand (getting water for his tank at home). I don't know if it was the glow of the fluorescent tank lights or the smile on his face or the way he turned and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes, but my heart skipped a beat then sped up, my hands shook a little, and I felt like I was walking on a cloud. I came up to him slowly, looked up into those gorgeous eyes, and said "I love you," then gave him the most delicious kiss I could. I can't tell you how badly I wanted to rip off his clothes and make love to him in that room...too bad I didn't...I really regret that. It would have been one of the best sex stories/ideas ever!!!! From that day on, I was a goner.
From that day on, things progressed.....I hung out with him and his family a lot (which I forgot to tell you, but within the first week of dating him I met his whole family....including his mother, sister, brother, one of his grandmothers, and the neighbors he grew up with next to his summer lake house. Oh and don't forget, the very first encounter I had with his family was when he threw me into gay central, aka his Dad's apartment....we walk in and Roberto asks me if I want a beer, next thing I know, with beer in hand, I walk into a room full of very nice but very flaming homosexuals who are wearing tight V-neck sweatshirts, Italian leather shoes, tight fitting jeans, and I swear I remember them wearing boas. And they are ALL drinking WINE looking all classy, and here I am drinking a beer in jeans, flip-flops, and a tee shirt, looking trashy! And the apartment is decorated all modern with clear chairs, a table with a base made from a stump of a tree, African looking masks across from the couches, and two lights with white shades on them that are in the shape of a man and a female....a lovely apartment at the top of a condo in downtown with a great view, very well decorated, but WOW...It was like stepping into a gay episode of Sex in the City! I felt like such a slob!)
I found out in the second month of being with Roberto that I had got accepted to grad school about 4 hours away. I was excited and knew I had to take the opportunity...I was also a little disappointed I didn't get into USF, but with my GRE scores, I should have expected it. Roberto was excited for me...he even came down to visit with me! We decided to make the best out of the last month with each other (well, last month living in close proximity to one another)...we went to museums, we took my parents out fishing when they came to visit, etc etc. We still slept next to one another every night. Roberto wanted to get as much of me as he could before I left.
He helped me move into my apartment for grad school and we stayed together. We explored Ft. Lauderdale together. The first two months of being there, I was really afraid that Roberto would get tired of the distance thing (probably partly due to my experience with Markus) and I would cry and Roberto would reassure me. The long distance thing sucked, but we did it and handled it fairly well....I would come once a month for a weekend and so would he, so ideally, we would see each other every other weekend....although it didn't always work that way. The worst thing, like I said before, was leaving him behind and having to drive back to Ft. Lauderdale....all I wanted to do was turn the car around and I had to fight my urges.
I flew down to spend our first New Years together and we went ice skating. We decided to make it our New Years' Tradition! My birthday came around and Roberto went out with me and my friends...he even got up and sang karaoke with me (Working Men "Land Down Under"), Valentine's Day came and I sent him 14 letters, one every day up til Valentine's Day with something I appreciated about him, Six months passed and I wrote Roberto this poem:
The last 6 months have been so great! Something for which I could hardly wait. Memorable, sweet, amazing and kind. Something never imagined in my mind. Visits to the pool, the beach, and Mote, ice skating, gelato, and trips on your boat! The feeling you give me is oh so grand! Especially when you are holding my hand. Your eyes, your hair, your lips, your smile...All drive me completely and utterly wild! I love you lots, I miss you much, Every time someone mentions you, I almost blush! I really have no words to describe how I truly feel inside. All I can say is I look forward to what will come, Hopefully a year with you and then some!!There was Easter with Roberto's family and things to celebrate, like Roberto getting his real estate license and my friend's wedding in July. Our year anniversary came around and we went to his mom's beach house to celebrate...there was lots of kayaking, eating good food, swimming, naked outdoor showers, and playing in the hot tub ;) !! October came around and there was Halloween...Roberto dressed up as a greaser and I was a pink lady!!
November came around....we went on a cruise, which I told you about above. Roberto decided he wanted to go to the Bahamas because he wanted some good conch salad and he decided to go on a cruise, because: it was the less expensive route to go and he knew I had never been on one before. I was so excited! I even bought cruise langerie....a nice, short navy blue slip from Vicky's....sexy and cute rolled into one! I thought, like I said above, that maybe he was going to pop the question, because we weren't really celebrating anything big and it was sort of an impulsive trip.....oh how wrong I was. See, I actually think that this may have been where things started to go wrong. The last day of the trip, as I was waking up to pack and disembark, I broke the diamond heart necklace that Roberto gave me for my birthday and in restrospect, I feel as if this was foreshadowing/a bad omen as to what was to come. It seems to me, when I look back at it, that after the cruise, things were a bit different.
I went home for Thanksgiving the week after the cruise....everything normal there. Roberto even called every night, as per usual. But when I got back from Thanksgiving and urged him into buying tickets for his New Years trip to Rhode Island (to meet my brother and see where I grew up), Roberto kept putting it off. Tickets were just going to get more and more expensive I told him. I remember him saying, "Well I talked to my mom about it and we both think it's a bad idea.." 'What?! Why?' "Well, I think it'll be weird staying at your place and she reminded me of all the things I'll be missing here.' I really didn't understand this, because last New Years I spent with him in St. Pete and he didn't mention wanted to go hang out with his family; didn't make it seem like it was a priority. I told him just that.....that I had given up my New Years with my family last year to spend it with him and that I think he should do the same.....only for this year of course....
Well, this issue turned into a huge fight and I told him: 'Hey look! We already discussed this....so far back so that my parents had agreed in the beginning of October (I wanted to give my mom time to clean, because she NEEDS the house to be spotless in order to feel comfortable having guests over. Don't get me started on that.....)...My mom's already started cleaning the house. If you don't come I'm going to be pissed and I won't talk to you for a week!!" I had gone out of my way for him....I offered to pay the whole fare, I had told him he was sleeping in my bed room in RI, I had even sent him an excel spread sheet, YES THAT'S RIGHT, with different airlines, flight information, and prices over a week before!!! And Roberto eventually makes the flight, but then guess what he does?!!!! He makes it for the wrong days....so that he'd only be spending a full day or two with us, instead of 3 or 4. I tell him: 'Seriously....don't you want to spend more time to get the most out of your money and make the most out of the trip! I sent you an excel spreadsheet and you still screwed it up! You know how to royally fuck things up, don't you!' Roberto said it was an accident and told me he would change the flights, which he did eventually, although I thought he was going to complain some more about the money it took to switch flights as well.
So, we get over our feud about the tickets...December comes around. I keep bugging him to send me the flight info so that my brother's girlfriend can fly in around the same time as he is and we can pick both of them up at the same time. Roberto is being a pain about that.
The next time I see him is for his birthday. I drove up to St. Pete, warm chocolate chip cookies in hand, to see him. I also bought him the foot bath he really wanted. It was a good weekend....we ate good food, I paid for pretty much everything....we hung out with friends. I'm pretty sure Roberto had a good time too, between his party on Sunday night (which I stayed later than I should have for and didn't make it back to Ft. Lauderdale until after 1am all because I wanted to be there for him) and the fact that I woke him up in the middle of the night, coincidentally on his birthday, after having a sex dream about him, got on top and gave him the ride of his life. For me, that was pretty spontaneous, because random middle-of-the-night sex, like HEY! I'm waking you up to have sex with you!, hadn't happened since the first few months of our relationship.
I was sad when I left Roberto's place that weekend, knowing that the next time I would see him wouldn't be until December 30th, when he was coming to RI for New Years, which I was very excited about! I made Roberto give me two extra kisses before I left.
Then it started to happen....we didn't talk every night on the phone as we had done before, Roberto didn't even call me back on Christmas, even though I called him. He said he had eaten so much that he had fallen asleep when he called me back the next day, profusely apologizing, although I was still peeved, because who doesn't call their girlfriend on Christmas?!!!! He was still saying I love you and whatnot....we were still texting consistantly, but something was off. The first time I got this feeling was when he talked to me the day after Christmas and texted me, "jokingly," that he had cancelled the flight to RI. I called him right away and said: "What?! What do you mean you canceled it?" "Calm down, I was only joking." "JOKING! JOCKING...no, no. no...we already got in a HUGE fight about this, so why would you joke about something like that?!" He just blandly said "I don't know" and I was too pissed to carry on the conversation. So things go along, normally, I guess....until I get a voicemail from Roberto on December 28th, 2 days before he is supposed to come to RI for New Years. The voicemail says "We need to talk" and my stomach ties in knots and I think, "Uh-oh....what's going on?" Because everyone knows that when someone says that, nothing good follows.
So I call Roberto back, praying that it's not serious and the conversation goes something like this:
'Hey Roberto, What's up? Your message sounded serious'
"It is."
'Ok...well what is it? Are you ok?'
"Yea...I'm fine. But I'm not coming to Rhode Island."
Then he proceeds to tell me that he just can't be in this committed of a relationship anymore, that he can't do this coming down to Ft. Lauderdale anymore....he says all the cliche lines you never want to hear like: "It's not you, it's me" and "You're a great girl, I don't want to hurt you anymore...find a good guy down there and make him happy"....after which I broke into tears and told him that I only want to make him happy. I was full of sadness, doubt, and anger...anger that he would do this over the phone when I deserved so much more....when we had gone out for almost a year and a half. Once I got over my sadness, I was angry, as angry as Carrie was in the "Post It Note" episode....it was happening again!!! I got so angry I told him that I hated him and I never wanted to talk to him again and then I hung up. The two things he said during that conversation that hurt the most; that made me feel like my heart had been pierced with a dagger and shattered into a million pieces, that made my stomach feel as if it had a 10 pound weight in it and also like it was coming up in my throat were the following: That he had been thinking about breaking up with me on and off for months and that he couldn't stay with me anymore unless he knew he was going to marry me and he knew he wasn't going to marry me, because he "could feel it in his heart." That took my breathe away.....and I don't mean like that love song....I literally thought I was going to hyperventilate. I bawled so hard, I could barely talk....I felt like I was choking. It was horrible. I left a message after I calmed down a bit just asking for him to clear things up, because I still was very confused as to why he was breaking up with me or what I had done.....he never called me back (mistake #2 in my book, first being doing it over the phone instead of face to face). I texted him 3 times, the same kind of things....no response (strike 3).
I went downstairs after that...hair all a mess, face puffy, eyes red and had to tell me family about it....humiliated and hurting just reliving the last few minutes.
Needless to say, this past New Years was the worst one ever. I had to see my mom and dad as well as my brother and his girlfriend being all cutesy, while I sit next to an empty seat, feeling lost. I mean, yes, I had my family and I appreciated that very much, but nothing really eased the pain. The night Roberto broke up with me I didn't sleep at all. I wrote this poem instead:
Have you even been blind-sided? Thought all was fine, then out of no where it came, a blow to your soul, body, and mind. Have you ever been blind-sided? Thought things were true, the the real truth hits, and unexpectedly your world turns blue. Have you ever been blind-sided? trapped in a game, but the difference is Nobody wins and there's nothing gained. Have you ever been blind-sided? You loved him so much, Now it's all spiraling down, and you feel out of touch. Have you ever been blind-sided? Had made such a great plan, then found out, he wasn't really the man. Have you even been blind-sided? Had your heart ripped out. By the very same person which you once had no doubt. Have you ever been blind-sided? Really thought he cared, But now you feel misery, more than you can bear. Have you even been blind-sided? Can't sleep at night, tossing and turning, wondering if it's sleep he fights (too). Have you ever been blind-sided? Out of nowhere, your heart broken, it's a melancholy affair. Have you even been blind-sided? A year and a half. All I wish is to hear you laugh. Have you even been blind-sided? You tell yourself it's a nightmare, but when you awake, he really isn't there. Have you ever been blind-sided? Blind-sided by love. All those memories and feelings, But I guess they weren't enough.
It wasn't just that one night I couldn't sleep, for weeks I would wake myself up in the middle of the night, crying. I couldn't stop thinking about all the promises he made...moving in together, talking about having a "surprise" for me after grad school (aka: engagement ring), taking me to Belize, etc...and all the good times we had had and things we had been through....I really really thought this time he was the one. We were so compatible, balanced each other out....I just didn't understand what went wrong. For 2 weeks I couldn't eat....every time I took a bite of food I got nauseous, sometimes I actually did gag, thinking that I needed to run from the table to the bathroom. I could only tolerate one to two bites and then I was done. Roberto ruined New Years Eve for me....my favorite meal of the year.....we have a tradition in our family of eating meat fondu, shrimp cocktail, clams casino, New England Clam Chowder, stuffed mushrooms, and cannolis. I couldn't eat any of it...NOTHING! That was Strike #4!
Soon the holidays were over...I was flying back to Florida and I really had no motivation to go. I hated school and my advisor and my classes, and now...well, I had NOTHING to look forward to. I cried so hard at the airport...I begged my parents to let me stay...."Please, don't let me leave....I don't want to go." It was like I had reverted for just a few minutes to being 5 again, starting kindergarten and asking my mom to let me stay home...
My mom was so worried about me, she'd call me once a day, sometimes twice a day. My dad even called to check up on me....wow!
MLK weekend came around and I went up to St. Pete to visit my friends from Eckerd. That weekend I decided I was going to get my stuff back, including my Beta fish, Beni, who Roberto had been watching over the holidays. So, I sent Roberto a text two hours after I had left for St. Pete telling him that I was coming up to visit friends and that I'd like to get my fish, book, etc. back. He agreed, so the next day, Saturday, I text him that I'm coming over in an hour. He says "Oh, I have a showing in Tampa....I'll leave the stuff out on the porch." When I ask him why he would leave Beni out on the porch (Strike #5), he replies that he "forgot" I had a key. Yea...ok.....
So anyway, my friend and I go over there to collect my things....and I'm like, fuck this shit....my book isn't out here and there were a few things I gave him that I wanted back. So I go inside and what I see angers me...He has already taken down all our pictures in the picture frame I made him, the big painting we made together, the painting I made him (and spent at least 12+ hours on), etc. And I CAN'T FIND MY BOOK...which really pisses me off, because "Three Cups of Tea" is one of my favorite books! So I start searching the house, fuming mad....the first thing I do is find his weed. He spent $175 on it, then proceeded to complain about plane ticket prices (the weed he paid for was more than half of what the plane tickets were) when we were arguing about him coming to RI, plus every time I was in St. Pete the last couple of months we were dating, whenever we'd go out, he'd have to take a hit, like I wasn't fun enough to be around without doing so......So, do you know what I did?! I took that fucking shit and I FLUSHED it down the toilet...that's right! GOODBYE!! Then I went searching for my things...I was freaking out, when I finally decided to look under the bed for my painting..BAM, found it! I took that...I spent way too much time on that for it to stay in his ungrateful hands. I also found the picture frame which I bought him and decorated with cute lyrics like "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend" and "Take a Chance on me"...I took a hammer and smashed that shit. I also took back the foot path, because if he had been thinking about breaking up with me for months, then the last couple of months had been a lie, and he didn't deserve that present! I left feeling giddy, high off of life and revenge! He deserved what he got for just strike #1, but he got it for all of them, 1 through 5.
The best part of the whole thing was when he texted me to ask where his weed and foot bath were and I played dumb for a little bit, but then I said...shit, let me tell him and give him only a small amount of some of the pain he gave me. So I wrote him a text that said "Yea, I took your foot bath, cause you didn't deserve it.....and your weed....I flushed that shit down the toilet! Maybe Now you'll know what it feels like to lose something you really love!"
And that was it....since then I haven't seen him...and yes, I'll be honest....I have texted him a few times when things remind me of us, but I am happy to say that I have just recently thrown away his number so that I can never be tempted again! After all, why should I text him and try to have a conversation when he clearly doesn't deserve me!
So Roberto, he was a pair of Mary Jane Crocs. They aren't that stylish, and Roberto never really was in all his fishing/boat attire glory (he loved fishing), but they were super comfy and up til now they had been one of my favorite pairs of shoes. Ahh...but in the end, what was Roberto? Just a Croc....He was full of empty promises and foolish ideas. He said he would finish his AA degree in December...guess what? It's taken him 4 years and he still isn't done. He said all these wonderful things to me, made me think that he really pictured us together....talking about pets and houses and surprises and trips we would take and jokingly asking for my parent's number to ask my dad for my hand in marriage, but what was it all? Just lies...just deceitful little tidbits he threw my way. As Christina Perri would say "And who do you think you are? Runnin round, leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart. You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul, so don't come back for me, don't come back at all.....Cause you broke all your promises..." Roberto really was a pair of Crocs...he may have been comfortable, but in the end...do I really want to wear them all the time....are they really the shoe for me? No!
Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs
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