The Low-Heeled Black Pump: The shoes your friend stole

Ok...I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been very busy between my jobs, thesis work, etc. And I had a really bad day today...I mean possibly one of the worst days on my top 10 list so far (depending on how it ends). So I thought maybe reconnecting with you all would cheer me up a bit. Here goes....

After I broke up with Asshole, it was easy to want to swear off guys. I mean after all that mental, emotional, and physical pain he caused me, you can understand. It took me some time to get back in the dating game...I couldn't even look at guys for a while, because they disgusted me. Even when I did get back into dating, I was very cautious and slightly paranoid (but who could blame me right?!).

I didn't think of the possibility of dating anyone until months after. I was waitressing at this sports bar and grill, when my friend introduced me to Jon. I said hi, we had a short conversation, and that was it. I wasn't really into him (or anyone at the time), I mean he wasn't unattractive... he had that boy-next-door type look,which by the way, I get the same description all the time...."Oh you're cute! You are like the girl-next-door cute." Anyway, I had to be nice to him because he was a regular. You don't want to upset your regulars!

So a few more months go by and I forgot all about Jon..I even forgot what he looked like (he must have been avoiding days that I worked or something! jk jk). One day Jon is sitting in my section and I'm like...."Who is that cute guy?" I must have repressed the memory of meeting him LOL!  Well I start talking to him, the people-person that I am, and we have a great conversation. He decides to invite me to a Halloween party that his sailing team is throwing. I'm down! I LOVE Halloween....I mean...I pick a new costume every year...I hate being the same thing multiple years in a row! And I make sure my costume is damn good...I mean as close of a replicate as I can be, whether it be little red riding hood, a playboy kitty, a genie, or a vampire inspired by the Twilight books...all of which I have been (and the list goes on).

So, the night of the Halloween party comes along, and by this point we have been talking on the phone and hanging out outside of work. He seemed like a pretty cool guy! Anyway, Jon comes with a few friends in tow to pick me up for the party...and he has a surprise for me! When he walks in the door, I am super happy because he dressed up like a pirate to the T!!! He even had his friends, we'll call them Anna and Marie, put on black eye-liner!!! He looked damn good...I mean he couldn't pass for Johnny Depp, but still, he looked damn good. And we matched....he had done it just for me! My costume that year was a HOTT PIRATE WENCH...I'm talking beads and braids in the hair, a pirate bandana, black fishnet stockings with ass-kicking ankle boots, and a sexy pirate outfit, which my friend Kim and I had ripped the skirt of so it looked short, sexy, and tattered!

That night we had a blast...I met all his sailing buddies! They were wicked friendly and loved to drink! There was drunken games of Twister, card games, beer pong, flip cup...the works! We had a great time...such a great time that the next night we partied at Eckerd! And the kids at Eckerd knew how to throw some Halloween parties!!!

Things moved kind of fast after that and soon we were dating (P.S. What is up with me finding guys at Halloween parties?!! LOL). We were going out to eat all the time, movies, drinking, dancing....good times were had my Junior year of college!

Jon and I would also hang out with my friends, which was so nice, seeing as my last two ex's (maybe even more) would  not. Jon was a great guy (at least in the beginning)....he never made my friends feel like the third wheel! Sometimes, he'd even treat my friends to dinner too. He was a real gentleman (again I say...in the beginning)...pulling out chairs for people, opening doors, etc.

My friends liked him so much that they would invite the both of us over, not just me, for girly nights when we were scheduled to watch "Grey's Anatomy." Actually, this may have been my first mistake....letting a certain "friend" (mentioned prior to this post), the skank, get too close to him.

I don't remember exactly when it happened, although I do know that it was after our 4 week winter term was done and also after my birthday....but something happened in Jon's family. I never found out what, but it had to do with Jon's brother....Jon got very quiet, very introverted, and all the sudden I didn't hear from him for over a week. I was confused...everything had been going well with us, so even though there was something wrong in his family, it didn't mean he had to shut me out. But he did....he pushes away everyone he loves when life isn't going perfectly (which, really? When is it ever?)....I told him he could confide in me, that I loved him and I wanted him to be able to trust me, to tell me things...to at least let me help in that way.

Well, this whole situation got so bad, with him not calling me or talking to me, that one day I just told him.."If you want to break up with me, then do it!" And he did...I pretty much forced him to, but that's the conclusion he came up with. Fine!

So probably a week later he calls me and tells me he's sorry and he wants to make up for what he's done. He invites me over for dinner at his house (he was living with his parents and his parents were away for the weekend). He made some delicious Italian meal, he had candles, wine, the works, but I was still angry about what he did and I really didn't know if I could trust him. I don't think the dinner led to what he had in mind...instead it led to an agreement that we weren't officially together.

We still had feelings for each other though...it was quite clear! The only thing that had changed between us was the title. We still hung out together all the time, we still bought things for one another, and we still slept together, both in the sexual and literal sense. He was over my dorm room practically every night. I can definitely say I enjoyed sex with him! He wasn't the biggest I've had (and he wasn't the smallest either), but we had a hell of a good time, because we worked well together, listened to each other....the motion of the ocean LOL!!! We had such a good time that a few times the impossible happened....see, when I was with Asshole I FINALLY got my first orgasm....Yes, Sad, isn't it? I didn't get my first O until the age of 20 and I'd been having sex since I was 17!! For a while I was terrified I had some kind of psychological disease (I minored in Psych and had just taken abnormal psych, where we learned about females having a few diseases where they can't get off.....I was terrified I had one of those).

Anyway, getting back to what I thought was impossible.....you know in porno's when they show the girl get off and she squirts? Well I thought that was just a myth until Jon and I....I was on top, riding him hard like I always do (I love being on top!) and I just remember thinking about how much I loved him and how much I wanted to please him.....and as this familiar tingling sensation started to travel throughout my body...to my toes, my fingers, my inner legs....I kept thinking about how good it felt, how it felt more intense than ever, and how I wish I could do this every day, all the time....All the sudden I hear "Oh God!!" A half pleasurable, half surprised "Oh God" and I ask Jon what's the matter. He goes "You just squirted me in the eye!" 'WHAT? No way!' "Yea... you did...you squirted and it got on my face and in my eye" I looked down at my arm and he's not lying....it's like the water works went off! LOL All I could do was start laughing....who knew I had it in me?!!! :)  LOL

So, yes, the sex was good. And that little reaction happened a few more times with him.

Moving on.....Jon calls me one day to see what I was doing. I had plans with one of my friends who was visiting from home. Well Jon, I guess upset because I didn't want to hang out with him that night, decides he'll make his own plans....(More to follow)..

So, I call him a few days later and see if he wants to come over. He does and after hanging out for a while, we start making out all hot and heavy.....I start to try to take his clothes off and he's acting all shady. He tells me he DOESN'T want to have sex with me....WHAT?! Honestly, I have never been told by any guy that I've gone out with (who I've been making out with, etc, etc) that they did not want to have sex with me! RED FLAG goes up in my head..."What do you mean you don't want to have sex with  me? What's going on Jon?" He won't speak a word..won't tell me anything. He just says he's not in the mood and soon after leaves. Now, I know something fishy is up...I'm not stupid! So I keep a look out for clues...

Later, Kim and I go over to Skank's house to watch Grey's Anatomy and Jon comes over too...a usual Thursday night. It's a commercial break and we're all talking about the show, when Skank goes into the kitchen to get some food. Jon asks for some mashed potatoes, so she brings him some. Next thing I know, she's over on the arm of the couch, dangerously close to Jon, asking him if he wants some butter for his mashed potatoes. I can't believe my eyes! What the hell is doing on.....I turn to Kim and give her an expression that reveals my thoughts. She gives me eyes back like "I don't know, but that's fucked up and that bitch better be careful!" So I scoot closer to Jon, place my hand on his knee....ya know, little movements that should tell a girl "HEY! BACK OFF!" I think Skank finally gets the point after some death glares from me. She sits down next to Kim across the room and we continue watching Grey's Anatomy. I don't quite remember what happened after the show...all I know was I was pissed!

So later that week, I see Jon at the restaurant while I'm working. He's texting on his phone, waiting for me to be done with my chores so we can hang out, and I sit down next to him. I casually ask him what he wants to do tonight and he mentions that Skankasaurus wanted to hang out. I'm like...weird!

Now I've been taking note of everything....so I try calling Skank to ask her what's going on, because Jon certainly won't spill the beans, and Skank is supposed to be my friend (my first friend from college mind you)....nothing. I just keep getting the answering machine. I finally see her online, so I IM her, acting all sweet and innocent (because now I know something's really up...Jon won't talk and Skank is ignoring my calls)...."Ya know, Skank, I just want to know what's going on....I'm confused." Finally I weasel it out of her.....The night that Jon got mad at me for making other plans, Skank (What a bitch!) called him up and told him he should come over her house....they could watch a movie and smoke some weed. So Jon went over there, and later as he put it....got so high that before he knew it Skank was kissing him and he couldn't stop her...or some BULLSHIT! Well, apparently they hooked up....although I don't know how far this hooking up goes, but I didn't care, because we acted like we were still together and I obviously was still interested in him! SKANKASAURUS broke an unwritten chick code (Like that show "How I met your mother" with their bro codes)....You NEVER mess with a friend's ex, especially right after they break up (and as an addition were still sleeping together/hanging out together)! NEVER!

I was pissed....I went into a literary rage...I did not hold back. Over IM I told her everything I thought of her, including that she was a back-stabbing bitch...and the last thing I told her was "I'm a strong believer in Karma...and Karma's going to come back and bite you in the ass!" That day our "friendship" was done, over, finito! From that day on I refused every invitation to eat with her and Kim, because I don't break bread with my enemies, I refused to go over her house, I refused to make conversation with her.....

After that, I didn't speak to Jon for quite some time, but he called me apologizing all the time, he texted me....he would not stop trying to make up for it...buying me flowers, etc etc. Finally, I thought, he's putting in such and effort....everyone deserves a second chance, maybe I should give him one (in retrospect WRONG!).

We were unofficially dating for a few months, then I went to Bermuda for a 10 week internship to study cephalopod behavior (AWESOME!!!!!!) and he moved back to Ohio...yet we still said I love you to each other. I talked to him on the phone every night for a month straight (until I found out that I had roaming charges...which almost cost my dad a fortune, but we got the charges removed because the woman I had talked to at AT&T had given us bad information). After that, all we could do was IM and facebook...which we tried. Things were good and bad...on and off. I flew home to RI in August after my internship....the first thing I saw when I arrived was well of course my parents, but later...jewelry sent from Jon lying wrapped on my bed. He had missed me and sent me jewelry! A few weekends later, he was due to visit too, even though my mom hated him for the cheating incident...I was so excited!

When Jon came to RI I showed him all my favorite spots...the park, we got del's lemonade and went to the beach, we got Frosty Freeze, we had a picnic on Ocean Drive...it was great! He met my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Sara....we went to Dave and Buster's and had an awesome time! It seemed like we were doing well. He flew back to Ohio the day after our D&B fun...and that's when it happened!

I got an email from him. I can't remember exactly what it said, but it was something along the lines of "I didn't cry when I arrived in Ohio and left you. I don't love you anymore. I guess this is over....goodbye." It was much longer than that, but anyway...something like that. I was more angry than anything! REALLY? REALLY? AN EMAIL! What a shitty way to break up with somebody! What a disrespectful, rude, impersonal way to tell someone you don't care for them anymore! I felt a like Carrie in the episode of Sex and the City with the Post-it note:

  Billy : All I'm saying is that there's no good way to break up with someone. 

Carrie : Well, it's funny you should mention that Billy, because, actually, there is. You can have the              guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation Because, here's what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy. And just so you know, Alan - 

Andrew : Andrew. 

Carrie : Uh huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that... That is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this; There is a good way to break-up with someone, And it doesn't include a post-it!

So you know what I did....I called that pussy ass bitch (that's right!)...Mr. I'm afraid of Confrontation...and I told him just that...that he took the pussy way out...that it was a bad way to break up with someone. It made me feel better to yell! LOL.

Have I heard from him again since then....sure. He tried to facebook friend me a little over a year ago....did I accept, No! Because I don't need that drama in my life! LOL I should have called him Mr. Email or Mr. Post-it note!

So Jon...he was a low-heeled black pump. A practical shoe that every woman needs (he was practical)...and that's why I think Skank stole him from me. She wasn't happy with the shoes she had tried on, and she wanted mine....a shoe that goes with anything, from jeans, to skirts, to dresses, to business suits...a shoe that is relatively comfortable (but still not the most for me)....Jon was the shoe who got stolen from me and never really returned.


Funny Moments with Jon:

 Well you already heard about the squirting in the eye....what else can I tell you? Hmm...

This doesn't necessarily just have to do with Jon, but I'll tell you anyway. When I was a Junior in college I had a roommate, we'll call her Lola. Her and I were really good friends. Jon and I used to do things for her all the time....go pick up her car with her early in the morning from downtown St. Pete because she was too drunk the last night and didn't drive it home, take care of her when she was drunk and vomiting into a plastic bag by her bed, etc. Well at the end of Junior year, even though she had signed a contract saying that she would room with me again the following year, she decided to move in with a bunch of people in another dorm and not tell me about. So, she pretty much was screwing me over, because she was never planning to tell me and I would have been stuck with a random roommate ( I had already had enough problems with roommates, so I didn't want that!). Now, things had been starting to go down hill before this and I don't know why....all I ever was was nice to her, but to be honest I think she's just a spoiled brat...she's manipulative, and she only hangs out with you when it's convenient for her...anyway...she pissed me off. Especially because she started spreading rumors about me, pitting people against me, saying things like "Reaching for Reefs said that if I didn't room with her next year, we couldn't be friends"....how juvenile (then again she was hanging out with Skank by the end of the year, so how mature could she really be?! LOL). So I decided to act a little juvenile myself. Lola had moved most of her stuff back home for the summer and one day while she was gone, Jon and I had sex on my bed, and when it was time for him to cum, guess where he did......I'll give you three guesses: 1) her chair, 2) her pillow, 3) in a pair of her shoes....If you guessed #2..on her pillow..you are correct! And afterwards we flipped her pillow over and left it for her to collect later. It may not be funny to you, but it was funny to me and still pretty much is to this day!

I can't really think of any more funny stories, but I'll post some if I come up with anymore...


Hope you enjoyed my low-heeled black pumps....go ahead and steal them, cause I don't want them anymore! LOL ;)

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

Knee High Boots the continuation: "Murdered by the Groom?"

So, just as a side note, I was reading an article in the current Cosmo called "Murdered by the Groom?" It's about sick guys who marry these women and them kill them on their honeymoon. One woman was forced by her fiance to take SCUBA diving lessons, even though she felt extremely uncomfortable. On their honeymoon, her maniacal hubby took her to the Great Barrier Reef, where they went diving. While 40 feet down, he was seen to give her a "bear hug," turning off her oxygen supply, and killed her.

Another man, named Shrien, hired men in South Africa to carjack him and his new wife on their honeymoon and then shoot his wife in the head.

Ok...the whole point of me piggy backing my story of the Knee High Boots with this is that we should all try to be a little cautious when getting to know someone and try not to ignore the warning signs.

The warning signs Cosmo mentions are as follows:

1. Obsession: sometimes a woman's insecurities can make her more vulnerable to these predators, and obsession can be mis-interpreted as devotion. This sounds a bit familiar to me.....Asshole seemed a little bit obsessed with me...always wanting to spend his free time with me, wanting to know where I was and what I was up to, etc

2. Is he distancing himself from your family: The husbands in these cases tended to avoid the bride's family.

3. Trying to seclude you from your family and friends.

4. Possessiveness.  They say that these crimes are fueled by extreme love and hate. "Spouse killers often go from love and possessive desire one moment to rage and hostility the next." "It's the intense mix of love and hate that fuels the killing."

5. Narcissism: They are convinced that they can get away with it.

I'm glad I didn't wait around to see if Asshole was a Honeymoon killer or not.

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs

Knee High Boots: The tight and constricting shoe

I was watching a Lifetime movie today that hit home in a lot of ways. It was about a girl who was dating this guy...at first glance he seemed like her knight in shining armor, promising to protect her and to always be there for her, to always love her....and then things went wrong...very wrong.

This post is going to be very hard for me...very heavy...a story that I have dreaded telling others in the past. One that brings tears to my eyes to this day. Unlike my other posts, I feel this one will not be so light-hearted. I just wanted to warn you, before you started to read it....

The guy I'm going to introduce next...well, you have already read about him. He's the guy from the party. I will be referring to him as the asshole, because he doesn't deserved to be given a real name...I don't want to think about his name, I don't want to see his name, and I don't want to ever mention his name again....

As described before, our romance started out very passionately....It was one of those fiery, red hot, only-read-about-in-romance-novels type of "love." It was like the passionate love shared between Romeo and Juliet...it was intense and foolish.... you were sucked into it like a moth being attracted to a flame. He made me feel wanted and needed...he made me feel special. At first he seemed to be this amazing guy. He wanted to talk to me all the time on the phone, he wanted to spend all his free time with me...his family loved me, and we just had a really good time. I would go up to his place on the weekends...spend every moment with him, whether it was watching football or doing homework.

The first 3 months of our relationship were great, or so I thought at the time. They were what I would call now the "Honeymoon phase"...you know...the phase where you are kind of infatuated with one another, excited by every little thing you learn about each other, but also the phase where you still don't quite show the person who you really are (maybe on purpose or maybe just subconciously)....you keep small little secrets to yourself or you don't always express your opinion about specific things, because you don't want to offend your partner....It was towards the end of the 3rd month of dating Asshole when we were lying in bed in my dorm room, after a nice romp around in the sheets, and he looked me in the eye and proposed to me. We had been talking about it a little bit, but really just in terms of "what ifs" and "one day" ....at first I wasn't so sure....to this day I still don't know why I said yes after only knowing him for 3 months, but I did. I think one thing that had a major impact on my decision was the fact that around Christmas I had found out that Andy (as I have discussed in my Butterfuly Bamboo Platforms post) was engaged and getting married in the spring...I was devastated....seeing as I still thought about "Maybe one day...we'd end up back together"....another thing that may have swayed my decision to say yes to Asshole was that, for once, I wanted to be taken care of instead of doing the caring for and Chris, the guy I dated before him, had not done that for me....

So, I was engaged at the age of 20 my sophmore year of college....Wow! It feels like another life time....

Anyway, I'm not really sure when the red flags started going up/signs were showing and why I didn't see them right away, but after a few months of being engaged, Asshole started to change...his knight in shining armor being a complete facade. I guess the first sign I should have noticed was when he started to insist on hanging out with his friends and kind of pulling me away from mine...he would say mean things about my roommate, who he didn't even know. And when I would defend her, which I would because she was one of my best friends and I don't let anybody talk to or about my family or friends in a disrespectful way, he would scream at me...we would fight. But every couple fights right? And Chris had done the same thing with my friends......so I guess I didn't really pick up on it. Slowly, without me noticing (or maybe I did notice and somehow was in denial, I don't know), Asshole's behavior started to get worse.

I'll never forget the night a group of my friends, Asshole, and I were on campus playing flip cup and other drinking games in another dorm complex. After a few hours, we were tired, so a group of us left, including me and Asshole. As we were walking to my dorm room, Asshole, knowing where my ex lived, ran across the complex, and kicked the door of his building, shattering the glass. Asshole then started belligerently yelling things, trying to entice my ex to come out and fight....I was shocked, embarrassed, ashamed! I should have broke up with Asshole then and there.....

After that incident, which I had to pay $200 to get the door fixed by the way, Asshole was restricted from campus grounds. Someone from my ex's dorm had reported him. Some nights I would sneak Asshole into my room and when security came by I would hide him in my closet...other nights I would have him pick me up at the back gate of our school and we would sleep in his car behind the Publix complex. II also was getting caught up in smoking pot with him and his friends a lot...which I had never done before. I was losing myself...who was I? Why...why would I do this to myself? Why didn't I get out of it then? I still think to myself.  I knew that I deserved better...I don't know what went through my head those days, I don't know why I stayed with him...

It only got worse...summer came around and I was working for the Waterfront again. Asshole and I had been looking for apartments for him and finally found one in April. As I thought about my summer job, the idea came up to move in with Asshole for the summer.....If I didn't live on campus, I would be making more money because they wouldn't be taking living expenses our of my salary. Asshole begged me to live with him, saying that if I didn't he would be extremely pissed... so disregarding my parents advice, I moved in with Asshole in May.

In retrospect, what a bad idea! It was a shitty apartment in a not so safe area of town. But that's not what made me want to avoid it....the fact that Asshole had gotten more possessive, more controlling...that's why I didn't want to go home. He would accuse me of dressing like a slut when I went on interviews to get a second job (in order to have money for food for the both of us, as well as to take care of our cat and guinea pig), because I was wearing a nice fitting pair of black pants. He would accuse me of making eyes at our neighbors, when I was only being friendly. He would complain that I didn't spend enough time with him, when I was working two jobs to pay the bills and support us. Oh...and on top of that I was talking an independent Calculus II course and had a tutor to help me with it....he would complain about that too! He would let the laundry and dishes pile up and tell me I should do them...which was ridiculous, because he only had one job, as a cook at night. So he had plenty of time to clean up, but instead he was lazy. Instead, he'd invite his friends over after work and they would smoke pot all night and talk about idiotic things, while I tried to sleep in the other room, because I had to get up early to work.

I don't know how it started, but the tension started to grow, fights started to become more frequent and more violent in our apartment. When I got home, all I wanted to do was return to a pleasant environment, a sanctuary, where I could relax...enjoy spending time with my animals and my fiance before I had to go to bed. Instead, I was being constantly bombarded.... I remember returning home from my second job at midnight one day.....when I got home, I found Asshole on my computer, searching for something. Now, I'm not a computer person, I just know average things, like how to use Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc...I don't know shortcuts, I don't know much...so when Asshole asked me why I still had pictures of me and my ex on my computer, and to my knowledge I deleted them all, I didn't know how they were still on there, saved way back in files. Asshole started calling me names, like "Nigger lover" and "Slut." He told me that I had a "Gaping Vagina," because I slept with so many people. He would say things like this all the time. And me, being the person I am, would not take that shit....so I'd start screaming at him...how dare he call me that! How dare he talk like that to me!

Soon, our screaming matches were intensified....Asshole started to do much more than emotionally abuse me. I started to hate coming home...I feared coming home....afraid that Asshole would accuse me of something else, question me about something, and then get so angry that he would hit me. There were several nights I feared for my life. Most of you, I hope to God for your sake, will never have to know the stress and utter apprehension of having to come home to that.....praying, "Please God, don't let me go to the hospital tonight," "Please God, let him be out when I come home or at least be in a good mood."

It made him mad when I would come home from my second job and be too tired to have sex with him....he would yell at me saying, "You are my fiance, you should want to have sex with me." Once, he trapped me against the wall and the bed, got angry, and then tried to pry my legs apart.....I cringed, remembering the time that I was taken advantage of in high school, and started to cry, begging him to leave me alone. He got so angry, he punched a hole in the wall. There were also times where I would start crying and he didn't want the neighbors to hear, so he would choke me.....once he left a huge bruise and scratch on the side of my neck. I took a picture of it, thinking it would be good evidence to go to the police with, but when he found it on my camera, I was subjected to even more pain. People at work saw that bruise, but they just joked about it, saying.."Well, we know what you do on your time off"...insinuating that I liked playing rough in the bedroom. I just laughed it off, 'Yea sure....' Nobody asked if I was ok, nobody noticed that anything was wrong....the neighbors who heard my cries didn't report anything....take this as a lesson. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself....

At this point, and I know you are all wondering this, I was trying to get out. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me....Why did I hold on for so long? There was no hope there...he always said he was sorry, that he would change...he promised that we would see a relationship counselor, but it never happened. He was never going to change. I used to look at the women form the shelter for abused women and children at my church back home, and think how could they let things get that far, why didn't they leave sooner. I couldn't believe that I was now in the same position...how did I get here? What was I doing?

I tried calling friends, co-workers...trying to find a place to move into...nobody would call me back and the people that did answer said that I could only stay there a week. That they didn't have the space....that they were sorry they couldn't help. I called the cops on him once, saying that he was suicidal and that when I had told him that I wanted to spend the night at my friend's house (instead of enduring his wrath) that he had gone to the knife drawer, pulled one out, and put it to his wrist. He actually did this several times...he was very manipulative. I would try to break up with him and he would grab on to my legs, sob, and then threaten to commit suicide. I actually had to wrestle a knife out of his hand once.

I know what you are thinking...call your parents! Why didn't you call your parents?! I didn't want to call my parents....I thought they would be ashamed of me, I thought they would be angry with me...I didn't want them to know what was going on. I didn't want them to think I was irresponsible....

I ended up making it through the summer with him, thanking God that I was going back to school...that I would be living in a dorm room again soon. Once I had moved into my dorm room, I knew it was time to end it. The last straw came one weekend when I was visiting Asshole. He and his roommates were sitting around, talking about something stupid like they always do, and I laughed at a comment one of them made. Well, Asshole, being an insecure prick, thought I was laughing at him and came out from the kitchen angry. He had butter on a napkin, which he smeared on my face. I got mad! I ran to his room and cried...and he came in and tried to "silence" me...aka I was being choked again....I thought I was going to die that day.

As soon as I got back to my college after that weekend, I went to a counselor. I told him I wanted to break up with Asshole and I wanted to know the best way to do it, so that he wouldn't commit suicide...I didn't want that on my conscience. He said "Just do it." So that day I called Asshole up...and I gave him a piece of my mind. I told him that it was over, that he never really loved me, because you don't hit people you love....I told him that it's not about him anymore, it's about me! I told him that I was tired of being taken advantage of...emotionally, physically, and financially... I won't put up with this and that he will be punished for this by God....I told him he was going to hell! Then I hung up.

I had to change my phone number, because Asshole was consistantly calling me, begging for me to take him back. I finally told my parents what was going on...it felt pretty good to finally be able to confide in them. I was surprised, my parents were very supportive, very calm about the whole thing....The one good thing that came about from this was that my family and I really got close after. I wish I had told them what had been going on a lot earlier...maybe I wouldn't have been subjected to Asshole's torture for so long. I went to the counselor for a few months....thinking it might do me good.

Asshole was a constricting pair of knee high boots. The more and more I wore them, the tighter they got.....the more I felt trapped. I couldn't deal with the leather...it felt like it was cutting off my circulation, cutting me off from the outside world. I couldn't breathe...I didn't feel comfortable. Those knee high boots, they tricked me...they looked like they were made out of fabulous material, but in restrospect, that material was worn, damaged, and cheap.

I'm so thankful to this day that I got my life back....that I was able, slowly, to put the pieces of me that were shattered and lost back together. It's been hard....it still is hard....but eventually I became a whole person again. I'm so thankful I made it out of that relationship....I almost lost everything...myself, my friends, my family, my goals......

Thank you! Thank you whoever, whatever was watching over me...I am truly thankful!

I hope that none of you have to encounter a pair of knee high boots like this, but if you have, know that you have a friend right here....to talk about it with, to give you advice. And if you are in a relationship right now with a knee high boot like this, know that you can get out....you just have to have the courage.

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs

Animal print pumps: The rebellious shoe!

Ok...so I don't know what happened, but my last blog got deleted or something went wrong and like an idiot, I did not back up my posts...so it was lost. Lesson learned...save blog posts in a Word document! I'm going to start again pretty much from scratch...hope you find it as enjoyable as the first time! LOL

This next guy I'm going to discussed I am going to call Chris....

 I'll never forget when I first got to college August of freshmen year....my parents had flown down with me to help me move my stuff in and get all set up. I was so excited to be out of the house, going to college.... to make decisions for myself, and to be on my own....well, kind of! The first time I walked into my dorm room it felt like I was walking into a prison room or a room that should have been in an insane asylum, only difference being, there was one large window! The walls were all white with a brick pattern and they held NO heat! The small amount of furniture we had was not welcoming, the closets were miniscule (I mean, my closet at home put it to shame!) and the mattresses were hard and covered with a nasty green protective coat! How was I ever going to be able to sleep on this thing?!! Well, after a few stressful dorm shopping trips to Walmart and Target, I had everything I needed, including a lovely mattress topper! Yay!
So one day when we were getting back from my dorm shopping trip, I ran upstairs to the guys floor because I had to ask my RA a question...YES we had CO-ED dorms and YES the guys lived upstairs!! :)  As I rounded the corner, that's when I first saw him....the finest specimen of a man....he was walking out of the center bathroom of the dorm, a white towel wrapped around his waist, which accentuated his beautiful brown complexion. His arms were cut, his pecs toned, his hair in corn rows....I almost melted. I don't know if Chris saw me out of the corner of his eye this day or not, but I couldn't help staring at him, as if I were in a trance....before he could turn around and see me, I snuck around the corner and found my RA's door. All I kept thinking to myself was "YES! I am sooooo gonna love college!!!"

My parents and I went through a lot that visit...including a hurricane, the first of four my freshmen year (Yep, we were the hurricane class)!! When they left, I was a little sad, but more excited than ever!

I later found out, through several events, that Chris was an activator, an upperclassmen who was chosen to help first-years, like my roommate and I, with questions about college and to promote social events and ice breakers that would bring us all together. We saw him every once in while, out and about, but I never really talked to him until this one night he invited to his room for a movie. I guess my roommate, we'll call her the skank (you'll find out later), had befriended him at some point in time. Anyway, we went up to his room to watch this movie...I was pissed, because skank, although she knew that I liked him, chose to lay next to him in his bed, while I was forced to take the other bed! That night we slept over...and I barely could sleep, because I kept thinking that if she kissed him, I was gonna punch her in the face!!!! Thankfully, nothing happened between them that night.

Then came the second hurricane and we were being evacuated...but this time my parents weren't in town and I had no place to stay! What was I going to do?! Da Da Da Daaaah....Chris to the rescue! He invited skank and I up to Atlanta, where his dad and brothers lived. I thought to myself, 'Sure Why not?!!' So after a very long drive, we arrived. It was there in Atlanta, in his dad's house, that I became exposed and fascinated with black culture....the cooking and food, street basketball, the clubs, the Southern Baptist religion (although I know not all Southern Baptists are African American), etc....I was also exposed to racism when we drove through Southern Georgia, which freaked me out, because being from the North, people aren't that vocal about those kinds of things (and I'd like to think we are a little more open minded)...it was a little bit scary having a white man tell us that "the cameras are watching you" at the gas station we stopped at and then asking me and my roommate if we "were with them" (aka Chris and his two friends who also happened to be African America). After telling them yes, we were given an evil stare until we drove out of sight...

Anyway, I fell in love with Atlanta and I started to like Chris even more! I tried to get the point across, flirting and talking with him more and more. But I don't think it really set in until one day, when Chris' dad dared him to climb this rope...Chris made it 3/4ths of the way up before he slide down, getting bad rope burn on his hands....I tended to him, washing his hands, gently putting antibiotic ointment on his wounds....

That night we had a talk and a hard one at that. We both admitted to having feelings for one another; however, I told him about my predicament....see, my parents are kind of traditionalists in the fact that they don't really believe in inter-racial relationships. I've talked about this with them (and fought many fights about this) since I was young. I just really didn't see the point....my parents saying that it puts extra stress on the relationships and that the kids lose their identity in it all...anyway, I don't really want to get into this, but let's just say...it was a hard decision. I decided after a while, "What the hell...I'm on my own now, I'm a big girl, I can make my own decision, and my values are different from my parents.....I really like this guy, I'm doing it!" From then on, Chris and I were a couple!

We made one more trip up to Atlanta for the third hurricane we had; Chris and I getting to know each other better and his family too. I don't know what it was about him...he was just really fun, new, and different in the beginning. And I loved the fact that college didn't make limitations for us....we could have sex anytime, anywhere (including the girl's and boy's showers), and anyway we wanted! I loved it....not so sure our neighbors did, but I LOVED IT!

Then after a while, things started to change...our relationship got boring and dull. He rarely ever took me out on dates to the movies or dinner....all we did was watch tv, I would watch him play basketball...I don't know. And I felt like every time I brought something like this up, he would just shrug it off (maybe because he was two years older..idk) or he would do something sweet, like set up a treasure hunt for me with candy and my favorite movie scenes....but it would ALWAYS end with him wanting to have sex...and his new "sweet" behavior would only last a week or two before we were back to square one. The thing that really sent me over the edge was out 6 month anniversary, which was a big day for me because it was my longest relationship at the time....I didn't get anything, no flowers, no card, nothing....I was so disappointed!

Chris and I definitely had a lot of road blocks, including me breaking up with him for a weekend to go out with a friend from home...which turned out to be a bad decision on my part...let's just say the guy didn't turn out to be what I thought he would and the sex was HORRIBLE!

Besides not taking me out on dates and trying to please me outside the bedroom, he sure as hell didn't try to please me inside the bedroom either! At first, we had been having sex 3 times a day..literally. It phased out as it sometimes does...he complained. The thing was...he wanted to have sex all the time, but would not want to get me in the mood! What I mean by that is, he would refuse to go down on me or he'd complain about it. I don't know if it was a cultural thing or what, but I'm from the mindset that if you do a little something for me, I'll do a little something for you...and I was TIRED of doing a little something for him and not getting anything back. I don't know about you all, but going down on me is a full guaranteed way to get me in the mood! Even when I would talk to him about it calmly and nicely, I would get nowhere! And then he would complain when we did have sex: "Oh you're so dry...why don't you get wet anymore like you used to?" Well what do you expect buddy...I am an arid desert because you DON'T want to PLEASE me, you selfish asshole!

Oh, by the way guys...if you didn't know....getting a girl in the mood isn't just about touching her the right way...it's about the way you make her feel, the mood you set in the room....the small things you do that make her want to love you and please you.....so if your girl asks you nicely to do something for her, do it...because in the end, it's only going to benefit you REALLY! And if you both work at and want to please each other, then you will both walk away feeling satisfied both physically and mentally (which by the way, when I broke up with Chris I yelled at him about...not being able to satisfy me in any of those ways)...

Chris pissed me off....he REALLY pissed me off, so one night I went to a party with my friends, after leaving Chris on his own that night.....and there I met this guy. He looked at me from across the room and I was a goner...his curly dirty-blonde locks and bad-boy punk look did me in, but not as much as his blue eyes! We chatted, flirted, laughed and that night he left with my number and I left with an ego boost and a thought that I was finally going to get the attention I deserved....

The last straw finally came later, Halloween night of my sophmore year, when we were out at a campus party and Chris started dancing all up against this girl who was supposedly his "friend," yet she was always trying to hit on him and get with him! I had talked to him before about how I felt with the whole situation, how I didn't trust her, how I'd rather he not hang out with her, especially alone...that's it, I had had it! I was done!

I called the guy from the party up and I went over his place in my Playboy Kitty outfit...I looked hott and I wanted him to see me that way. FINALLY, I got what I wanted....he went down on me like no other person had before....I was being pleased for once and I LOVED it! We didn't even have sex....this guy's intention was to please me and only to please me...and let me tell you, he did a wonderful job! I left his place the next morning feeling reassured, knowing that someone else out there thought I was a bombshell and wanted me!

Now I know...this sounds horrible! I shouldn't have done it and I am by all means not trying to justify it. Cheating is unjustifiable...it was the ONE and ONLY time I ever cheated on a guy and it will never happen again! I don't know why I didn't just break up with Chris that night. I mean our relationship had gone down the tubes 6 months earlier and yet I still hung on for some reason, possibly hoping it would change...idk. But what happened happened and I broke up with Chris the next day. Don't worry...Karma did come back to bite me in the ass a few times, as you will see....one of those actually being with Chris....

So Chris and I didn't speak for about 3 years, until I heard through his sister that his dad had passed away...being that I met his dad and had been to his house, I figured it would be a nice gesture to pass my condolences along to Chris. I got his number from his sister on facebook and called him. When he got back into town after the funeral we got together to talk...it was interesting how much things had changed. We became friends, which then led to friends with benefits...I was ok with this...no strings attached sounded good right about that time! But then Chris started dropping cheesy lines like: "What if I got down on my knee right now with a ruby ring and asked you to marry me" and "What if you do get into grad school, what will we do?"...questions that would indicate there was more than just friendship there....and so I fell into his trap!

Later, I found out that he was two-timing me with this poor girl who was a year or two younger than me. I was actually more upset for her than myself....this poor girl had given up all her Christian values and her virginity to Chris and he was deceiving her! She thought they were going to get married! I yelled at Chris: "What do you think you are doing?! You better tell her RIGHT now what you have been up to...about all this! Oh...and I'm never speaking to you again!"

Dumb Chris...he tried to friend me on facebook a year or so ago...I felt so great when I hit the "Reject" button! Hahah...goodbye to you!

So...getting back to the shoe thing...Chris was a rebellious shoe I picked out...he was like a pair of animal print pumps for me. I don't know why I bought them in the first place, maybe it's because they looked exciting and different. The only thing I can wear them with is black...they don't go with anything else! I don't know what to match them with, how to pull them off, because I thought I could make them "me" and I definitely couldn't and I just kept thinking, how they are going to fit in my life?!!

Maybe animal print pumps work for some of you, but they sure didn't work for me....soo goodbye animal print pumps...you did not bring me the pleasure I thought you would!

Funny Moments with Chris:

I can only think of one...and only one: the time Chris got bit by a snake! Chris was a huge Nat Geo, Animal Planet, Animal show kind of guy...he loved watching them and learning all these facts! Anyway, one day we happen upon a black snake...Chris tries to catch it like the experts do on these animal shows by going for its head and covering its eyes, so that it will calm down and I'll be able to touch it....well, he misses and the snake bites him!!! Then Chris freaks out, because he's not sure if it's a poisonous snake or not...he proceeds to run water over the wound and then try to suck out the supposed "poison!" Lol...at the time it might not have been funny, but it definitely is now....

So besides that I got nothing, because to be honest, Chris annoyed me most of the time. He would preach about hypocritical things when he was drunk, he threw me into the creek behind Eckerd once when I had my cell phone in my pocket...I then had to spend several hours blow drying it...and he would try to pull "funny" pranks like throwing water balloons at me.....which then hit me in the eye and hurt like hell! Oh also....every time I tried to go to the gym with him, which only ended up being twice if that, he would yell at me, calling it "motivation".....yea, both times I ended up leaving the gym crying and to this day, that is still the reason I refuse to work out with guys!!!

Well....all I have to say is good riddance animal print pumps.....I really don't need you in my life!

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs

My brown sequined heels: The shoe you gave into, thinking it was love

Well well...sorry it's been a few days. I just got back into town from my brother's graduation, which was awesome btw! So proud! So anyway...besides unpacking and checking emails, what is the first thing I want to do when I get home?! Write!!!

Ok..So this third guy I'm going to write about...we're going to call him "Scuzz" or "Scuzzy," because that is the nickname he was given by all my friends from home....and you'll see why in a bit...

I met Scuzz my sophmore year of high school at a youth ministry retreat (go figure! It seems like I've met a lot of guys in my past through youth ministry LOL) where we were both confirmation candidates. I guess the whole weekend (and even before the retreat in class) he had had his eye on me, but I never noticed these things, because I would just go about my business as usual. I mean, really, who is looking for guys when you are taking confirmation classes?! I got bored in class, but I never got that bored....where I just start checking out all the guys and wondering what they look like with their clothes off...that comes later in life! jk jk

Anyway, we were on this retreat and it was the second night....just after one of those meditation sessions I told you we have before bed...to help us "wind down." Yea...there was definitely no winding down that night! Instead of going to bed right away, they let us stay up for a little bit and all the adults went to go do their own thing. Well, in the meditation room, where we hold small masses and ceremonies, a bunch of us decided to play spin the bottle or maybe it was truth or dare. Doesn't matter what game it was....all I know is that Scuzz landed on/was dared to kiss me. I have to admit, I did notice him a little when we started the game and I had hoped that I'd get to kiss him, because in my opinion he was the cutest guy in the circle. Later he told me he was thinking the same thing...."Wow this girl is cute and I really want to kiss her." I'll never forget what he looked like....because, honestly, he looked pretty dorky in his Miami Dolphins matching pajama top and bottom....but he had a cute face. So, anyway, we leaned in to kiss each other...and I guess, that's what started everything off...

I think I may have given him my number or AOL instant messenger name at the retreat and we started talking. One thing led to another and we were soon going out.

I remember Scuzz fondly my sophmore year, because I feel it was the year when he was the most honest and sincere with me. That year was the year I first saw a penis and went down on a guy... and it was the first time that I had someone go down on me (which was so awkward...story to come later). I remember one day when Scuzz and I took a shower together after having some fun with some whipped cream....He looked down at me with those brown eyes of his, water running down both our bodies and tracing every curve, and he said in the most sincere, genuine, and honest voice I have ever heard...."You're beautiful." I think I melted that day....Scuzz was the second guy I felt truly in love with....again, the thought of us getting married crossed my mind, since we went to the same church, had somewhat similar values, and also both came from an Italian heritage, which was extremely important to us and shaped our family traditions...

We broke up after a few months of dating my sophmore year, because he wanted me to hang out with him more and I couldn't give him that....see, my parents, being really strict, only allowed me to go out socially once a week (on the weekend...either Friday or Saturday nights)...even if the social event didn't involve money. They were real big on grades, education, and focusing on my extra curriculars, which I can understand.....It just sucked. I didn't want to break up with Scuzz, but it was like he didn't understand where I was coming from and I was tired of getting pressured to hang out more when I obviously couldn't drive and didn't have a choice.....I'll never forget the night I broke up with him....he was sick and had stayed home from baseball practice. He mentioned hanging out and this was the last time..the last straw...I was done!

Plus, it didn't help that he had told his whole baseball team about our whipped cream and shower romp around, aka: the reason my friends started to call him "Scuzzy," because he kiss and told and they all thought he was disgusting after that. Yea...and since our island is so small, like I told you before, it took only a matter of a day...maybe a day and a half...to get around to my high school (Scuzz went to high school in the next town over). So, I was done!

I didn't talk to Scuzz for months, but I had to see him in church and at class, so it wasn't like I could avoid him all the time....Silly girl that I was, I should have learned from my previous experience sophmore year....but I guess I didn't...or maybe I was just awfully curious and Scuzz knew this. Junior year of high school, March 3rd, 2003....Scuzz's 3rd on the 3rd...I lost my virginity to Scuzz....we had talked about it for a while. I had even made a special tape with Get-it-on-type songs....We parked at surfer's end and there's where I lost it...in the backseat of my '93 corolla, with my head shoved against the back door...yea. reaaaaaaal romantic....NOT! The first time sucked....so badly!!! I was like 'Great...why can't he stay in and WHEN is this going to get GOOD FOR ME?!!!!' lol


Anyway, I get back in after that night and get online...he pops up on AOL. And do you know what that damn bastard's first question is....Not 'How are you feeling?' or 'Are you alright?'....Nope, the first question he asks is: "So, when are we going to do it again?" Hah...I flipped out at him...and this time he didn't hear back from me for over a year. But, Mr. Scuzz....I kept him around for a long time, because he was my backup...he was the guy I knew would be down whenever I was home, whenever I wanted to....as long as it didn't interfere with his baseball schedule...Douche!

Scuzzy was those pair of shoes that you bought, you gave into them, thinking you were in love with them.....'Oh they go with this outfit, oh they look so cute....oh they fit'...until one day, they start to leave blisters. Small blisters that you can deal with, but blisters none-the-less....and he's the shoe that you couldn't let go of for a long time, after a while, only because of his looks...because you learned he didn't really have any relationship potential. You keep them in the back of your closet, bringing them out every so often, when you can't find another pair of shoes to match your outfit, but hating the fact that they aren't as comfortable as you once thought.....Scuzzy was like my pair of sequined brown heels. They are still so cute and shiny. They look great with khaki dress pants or a brown skirt, but I don't have many of those items in my closet and they hurt my pinky toes and give me blisters on my heels... I barely ever bring those brown heels out anymore....

I eventually got rid of Scuzz...deleted him as a friend from facebook, deleted his number from my phone...deleted all the contact information I had (this is when I started dating my recent ex). I figured, why should I keep this bad poison in my life...why should I stay in touch with a guy who every time he talked to me, it always got back to sex? Why should I keep this guy in my life who said I was the "only person he'd cheat on his girlfriend with, because we had such a past and he still loved me?" Mind you, I never ever ever hooked up with him when he had a girlfriend...that's not right and I have morals! Why should I try to stay friends with someone like that...why would I do that to myself, when I deserve so much more, both in friendships and relationships?

Bye bye Scuzzy...you stereotypical baseball toolbag guy (and you know I'm not lying....I mean, not all, but most baseball guys are douches)!

Funny Moments with Scuzzy:

Ok, so let's start with the first time I went down on Scuzzy....We had been talking about this for a while and I was really nervous. Scuzzy kept advising me to listen to a song with a good beat, like "Just put it in my mouth," (one of his favorite songs, GO FIGURE!) and practice by sucking on a popsicle. I did...just so I wouldn't be a total screw up. Now, come on....I know some of you out there have done this. If so, post something!!! Anyway, I practiced. So, Scuzzy came over my house one day and we walked over to the high school. We didn't try to go inside, because it was a weekend. Instead we went around the back of the school to a corner near where my marching band practiced field routines and I got down on my knees and did it. I don't know what I was thinking...there was a guy outside mowing his lawn a few yards away and I could see him through the trees...I hope to God that he didn't see us. Again, I guess when you are in high school hormones just run crazy! I kept looking up at Scuzz every couple of minutes, asking 'Is this ok? Am I hurting you? Am I doing this right?' I was trying all sorts of things...running my tongue up and down him....running my teeth lightly along him....Let's just say, and I've been told this by quite a few ex's, that I'm a natural! Idk...I always had oral fixations! lol jk jk

The shower incident: I had told my parents that I was going to this arcade downtown to meet up with a friend of mine and Scuzz to watch a DDR tournament. It wasn't a complete lie, because Scuzz and I did stop by and play a few games of air hockey, which at one point, I nearly broke his finger! lol After a few games, we walked to his mom's house, but first we picked up some whipped cream....the guy at the store totally knew what we were going to do with it, but we played stupid and said we were making sundaes...lol. So we got to the house, and we start making out...stripping down. Out comes the whipped cream....which we proceed to lick off each other in various places. Whipped cream, as you may have guessed or know, is sticky....so we jump in the shower. While in the shower, Scuzz starts kissing me and makes his "You're beautiful comment." Then he bends down, places my foot on the edge of the tub, and starts to lick me down under....next thing you know, I hear this noise. I look down and he's choking on water! I bust out laughing...I'm sorry, but it was just so funny and he was trying so hard to please me.....Needless to say, he really didn't finish anything in the shower. We got out, dried off, and walked back to the arcade, so my dad could pick me up.

Losing the V card: It was a cold night in March when I borrowed the car, telling my father that I was going to gymnastics practice (well....it was gymnastics, just not the kind he was thinking! jk jk). I drive to the YMCA, where we have our gymnastics practices...I always used to drive to the destination I was telling my parents I was going to, just in case they ever decided to follow me in another car. I sat there for a few minutes and called Scuzz up. I told him I'd be there to pick him up soon. After a few minutes passed, I go to Scuzz's house and then to surfer's end of the beach. Funny...Scuzz told his dad he was going to Walmart...lol! I think my lie was much more believable, since I was on the gymnastics team and it was still during the season. Anyway, we do what we do....the head cramming against the back door, the humiliation of it not feeling good, the frustration of him not being able to keep it in there, the disappointment of it all.....and I drop him off. I notice that...HOLY SHIT...the windows are still fogged and I'm supposed to be home soon!!! I pull into the YMCA again...I roll down the windows. Well that doesn't do any good, because it just makes the sweat and fog on the windows freeze! CRAP....'What do I do now?' I say to myself. 'Ah...let's try turning on the heat'....that started working and I was so excited! I started to drive home, worrying that the condensation wouldn't be gone by the time I got home, seeing as the Y is about 5 minutes, maybe 7 from my house....I pull into the garage, trying to keep my cool, and THANKFULLY....the windows are back to normal. I then inspect the car before going back into the house...

The next day my dad says to me: "Reaching for Reefs, gymnastics state finals were last night." I look at him and say 'Yes.' "Well how did you have practice if states was last night?" 'Well Dad, one of our coaches went with the girls who qualified for states, and our other coach had a final practice for the rest of us." 'Oh ok.' Phew...thank God I'm quick on my feet...my dad seemed to buy it, although who knows....he could have just been in denial.

Well, I guess that's all for my stories about Scuzzy...

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs

Fluffy slippers: The shoe you gave away, but probably shouldn't have

Well, let's see...I'm trying to go in chronological order of the guys I have dated. Although, not all the guys I have dated will be included, because they either weren't a "milestone boyfriend" or I just can't remember that much about them...short relationships, ones that didn't leave an impression, etc...

So, let's talk about yet another Andy! lol. Yes, that's right, I dated two Andy's in a row! Weird!

Andy was a great guy....I met him through my church's youth ministry group. When you are a "candidate" to get confirmed, you have to go on these retreats, which at the time I thought were pretty dumb. But then I got around to meeting the people that led them and I really loved it! I also loved that we had meditation time and most of the ice breakers and talks were relevant and fun! I became a leader myself after that year!

So anyway, I met all these new people, but Andy really left me with a good feeling. I don't really remember how it happened, but somehow we started talking and getting to know each other first through youth ministry. At the time (and I still don't think he knows this), I was going through a really awful depression. It was honestly one of the darkest stains of my past.....I was a freshman in high school and it was tough for me adjusting to the new schedule, balancing homework with sports, and my social life. In November, I had a total breakdown, because the Junior I liked, who flirted with me and acted as if he liked me too, completely started ignoring me once I told him how I felt. He avoided me at all costs. Also, my parents were constantly putting pressure on me with their high expectations that I felt I just couldn't meet. I was doing poorly in my math class, getting 65's on tests, which I had never done before, because I just wasn't getting anything....I was so unbelievably frustrated. My social life was also going down the tubes, because I felt as if no one cared about me.

Soon, I started to come home, go up to my room, listen to sad music, and fall asleep. Sleep was the only thing that brought me peace, a way of avoiding reality...when I was asleep, I didn't have to think about anything...it was like a drug. I felt so alone. I hated my life, I hated myself, I hated boys, I hated God, and I hated everything else. I didn't want to live...I just wanted to sleep my life away!

Then Andy came into my life...my real life Guardian Angel. He pulled me out of that depression with all his kindness and compassion (as did two of my dearest friends..don't worry, I didn't forget you). I'll never forget the day he took me home from one of our youth ministry meetings and I walked up to his car to find a rose on the passenger seat....the day he asked me out! It was so sweet, he was so sweet! He wrote me poems, he sent me cute letters and emails....

Andy was the first boyfriend I took home to meet my parents...well, really, my parents wanted to have him over for dinner and meet him, since he was two years older and was taking me out on dates and later, to my semi-formal dance.

Andy was like a fluffy pair of slippers....He was comforting...always there when you needed him, warm and soft. I wouldn't say he was a big guy, I would just say he was my teddy bear! Huggable, lovable, and fluffy! Thing about the slippers I have owned is that....I tend to give them away, thinking I don't need them anymore (especially because I'm in Florida) and then realizing one cold December night, when we are having a cold streak (YES...it gets cold in Florida...sometimes down to the 30's at night and I have NO HEAT!), that 'OH SHIT! Why did I ever get rid of those slippers?! My feet are so cold and they need a good pair of warm, fuzzy slippers!'

Well, just like I gave away my slippers....I gave away Andy. A stupid, immature move on my part....I broke up with this great and loving guy for a complete jerk! A jerk that I had a huge crush on when I was in 7th grade...a guy that had ignored me since 7th grade until that very  moment...and I gave up one of the nicest guys I ever went out with for him! Bad move! I should have followed a saying my dad always uses: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

Andy and I stayed friends throughout high school and every once in a while, we'd go out on a date or two, but I don't think he ever truly trusted  me again, which I can't blame him for. He dated other girls, some of whom I really disliked at the time. I dated other guys....

Once he went to college, Andy and I stopped talking for the most part....sometimes I see him in town when I go back home for the holidays and we're still friendly towards one another, but we are definitely not as close as we were in high school. Really...it's too bad, because just like me, he loves Marine Biology...he's the one that got me thinking about going to Eckerd for undergrad....and now I hear he's going for his PhD..God bless him, because I don't think I'll be going that far! LOL

Well, I can only hope my fluffy pair of slippers is doing well...I wish him only the best!



Funny Moments with Andy:

Andy went to both of my semi-formals with me (Freshman and Sophmore year). The second time we went to semi-formal, his parents were nice enough to drive us to Ocean Drive and take some really great pictures. After which, Andy and I headed to Chili's for dinner before the dance. I, knowing that I had a nice dress on which I didn't want to ruin, ordered a salad. Andy ordered the wings, which I told him may be a mistake since they were messy and he was dressed in a nice suit.  Well, we are having a nice conversation when the food arrives and Andy goes to bite into a wing...and next thing you know, he has dropped it and it falls on his crotch and then proceeds to ricochet onto my dress! Just GREAT...My pretty Belle-like lavender dress with white trim is ruined! After dinner, we go back to Andy's house to try to get the stains out. Andy's mom (such a sweet woman) runs upstairs to get some kind of stain remover and then proceeds to tell me the story of how the same thing happened to her on her prom night and luckily her date was a stain remover salesman, so he had lots of bottles in the back of his car and she was able to get the stain out. Meanwhile, she is dabbing the bottom of my dress where the wing hit. Miraculously, the red stain comes out. Now this is the funny part.....Andy's mom turns to his Dad and says, can you blow her dry...so here I am, holding my dress up, feeling like Marilyn Monroe, as his dad is blow drying the wet spot on the white part of my dress. At the same time, Andy's mom is dabbing the wing stain near Andy's crotch....and you can just see Andy's face turning more and more red as this is going on and he's trying to tell his mom "I can do it Mom! I can do it!" Andy's dad also tried to blow dry his crotch, which just made Andy's face fire engine truck red! I still can't help giggling when I think about this. At least both of us left without any stains! LOL

Oh, also, apparently this night, when I was finishing up getting ready and Andy was waiting for me downstairs in my house (prior to the Ocean Drive pictures and wing fiasco), my grandfather grilled the shit out of him. Asking him where we were going and what he was planning on doing.....which is kind of entertaining to me (scary to Andy), because my grandfather was such a nice person, that I could never see him giving Andy the third degree! 

Well, I guess that's all for my Fluffy Slippers!

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs