Bitch (noun): A woman who won't bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else's opinion--be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it's just one person's opinion; therefore, it's of no real importance. She doesn't try to live up to anyone else's standards--only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.
You see, lately, a few friends of mine have been reading these guides to dating and I guess, in a way, self-empowerment books. The one I've mentioned above, as well as Catch Him and Keep Him by Christian Carter. So I thought to myself, What the hell...I'll read them too! They sound interesting!
Now I think I'm a pretty confident and knowledgeable person when it comes to dating, but I actually learned quite a lot from these books and I would advise any woman, whether single, dating, or married to read them, because I think that they are definitely useful!
I had a lot of "Aha!" moments while reading these books and I realized there are some things I need to work on when it comes to being in a relationship:
1. I need to keep my humorous side. I think as I get more involved in a relationship, I lose that humor...I start taking things that my partner says too personally and instead of laughing them off, like a bitch/confident woman would do, I take them to heart and maybe complain about them. In both books, they say that banter is good and that humor keeps the spark alive. Also, humor is a great way to get a point across, without seeming like you are nagging. For instance, if a man behaves a way you don't like, you could say something like: "I'll let that one slide this time..." in a joking way. It's so true that "More truth is said in jest."
2. Having a separate life/not losing yourself: You should continue to do the things that made you happy when you were single, not give them up for your partner. You should go have your girls nights, or continue with guitar lessons, or have a knitting night, etc. Whatever you like do to....Having interests you are passionate about in your life, even if your partner isn't into the same things, will allow you to keep your confidence and keep you happy. When you are happy, he will be happy. And by having all these things in your life, you will be viewed as an independent and strong woman. You need to be able to have an indifferent attitude: I can live with or without him.
To be honest, I have been getting better at this. But I know in past relationships, for instance, with Asshole, that I lost myself and I gave up my friends and the things I liked to do for him. This will never happen again!
3. Don't be predictable and don't always be available: Don't always pick up the phone when he calls. Don't cancel your plans for him or go on last minute dates with him all the time. When you are always available and predictable that is when things get monotonous. Let him wonder what you are doing and why it's taking you longer than usual to respond.
4. Talk his language...Keep it Sweet, Short, and to the point and be as level headed as possible, because once you get too emotional, they start to think of you as being "dramatic." Just like the acronym KISS--Keep It Simple Stupid!
5. When you aren't with him, STOP thinking about him all the time/obsessing. Obviously, this can be a hard one! I know it is for me! But here is how Sherry suggests doing this in her book:
- Whenever you think about him, STOP.
- Consciously replace the thought of him with another thought or activity that is a feel-good thought or activity.
- The key is to distract yourself, immediately!
- Do this repeatedly, each time he pops in your head.
- Get creative. Immediately turn on your favorite show, eat your favorite meal/snack, go to the gym, go for a walk, etc
- Each and every time you think of him, without exception, stop the worry and pain and force yourself to experience the opposite. Do something that feels good!
DAMN IT...I'm going to have to work on this one! I'm not saying that I sleep with everyone...I definitely don't. And I definitely don't sleep with people after the first date.....but when the temptation is present sometimes I cave and I'm going to have to try to control myself more! And men (let me correct myself here...MOST men) will tell you anything you want to hear to get you in bed (as if we didn't know this)....so really it's about self control and how much I really want a guy to respect and like my intellectual side...the side that will keep him around long term. As Christian says: You want him to be "Intellectually Attracted" to you and not just physically. Christian says to do this, you have to ask him deep questions in a joking/casual way. Like "What's the one quality you haven't found in a woman yet?" while smiling and laughing (not so serious).
Anyway, just some things these books reiterated for me and some things I learned! I'll definitely be working on this. I have two dates this weekend and man am I gonna use this material to help me perfect the way I talk and respond to guys!
Thought I would share these, just in case any of you followers were interested! Now go and channel your Inner Bitch...I dare ya!! :)
Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs
