The Semi-casual Flat: The comfy pair of flats that were compatible- or were they?

It had been many months since Markus and I had broken up. I was still going to the gym 5 times a week, eating all whole grains and organic dairy, and taking care of myself. And when I needed to be taken care of by a man, I turned to Mr. B to give me the attention that every girl needs!

I also had been having many conversations with one of my best guy friends from home, Ryan. We were both in between relationships and in a bit of a rut, especially him, because only recently had he found out that his fiance, or should I say ex-fiance, had an affair while he was serving in Iraq. What a bitch! Ryan and I had always been close...well, ever since high school. We had many things in common, like the fact that we both loved cats, wanted to be married by the time we turned 30, wanted to eventually have a family, always turned everything into a sexual inuendo, loved Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, and were hopeless romantics... Ok..so many some of the things we had in common were a little foolish, but whatever! We were also huge flirts....there was always this tension between us, but it was more of a friendly flirting than anything else (On a side note: I missed winning class flirt by 5 votes my senior year of high school, just so you understand where I'm coming from. I think it's fun to flirt and I obviously tone it down when I'm in a relationship, but as soon as I hit the market, I'm back to flirting and talking it up with every cute guy I see).

Ryan and I had always wondered what it would be like if we dated one another and as our friends', Sara and Kyle, wedding drew closer, these conversations and thoughts were getting more and more frequent and enticing.

Soon, it was January, and I was home in RI for the wedding!! Sara's bachelorette party was a blast! We played one of those dare card games, where you have to do certain things and get other people in the club to do things for you and you win points! The one with the most points at the end of the night is the champion! Hah...I had to ask the "hottest" man in the room, deemed so by the party, to kiss me. Which I was pretty pissed at this guy, because at first he wouldn't do it, cause his boss was there, but by the end of the night, I got him to...Seductress over here! That night Laura, Sara, and I ended up sleeping over at Laura's house, all in the same bed, like the old times! It was a great night. I could tell you many more stories about that night, but I don't think it's my place to be discussing such things ;)   All I can tell you is all night, even though Ryan was at a strip club with Kyle and the rest of the bachelor party, he was texting me.

At the wedding rehearsal, I saw Ryan for the first time in 5 years. We acted as we usually do....saying hello, hugging, flirting a bit, etc. I also did a little flirting with my fellow groomsman, who was walking with me down the isle. Sara had paired us up not by height, but by personality, and let me tell you, this guy definitely understood my humor! Funny thing was, seeing us walk down the isle was like looking at a giant and a pea, me playing the role of the pea. My groomsman stood at least a foot taller than me...probably more. I had to tell him to take shorter strides, just so I could keep up with him...and the heels didn't help!

Anyway, back to my story...so, there was more flirting and talking at the rehearsal dinner, between both me and Ryan and me and my groomsman. Flirting, which was only amplified by glasses of wine and more glasses of wine. I hope I didn't embarrass Sara and Kyle that night, because wine hits me fast...like 3 glasses and I'm gone...and I tend to get louder than I normally am, which is pretty loud, when I get tipsy...so I just hope I didn't embarrass them in front of their parents.

After the rehearsal dinner, Ryan and I decided to visit our friend Laura at work. So we drove to downtown Newport and while at a red light, I said to him: 'All I could think of at dinner was how it would feel to kiss you' and he agreed. He then leaned over and kissed me. Now, Ryan's got a good memory, so he would be able to tell you the song that was playing when this happened, but unfortunately I cannot recall the song (maybe because I had had one too many). So, we get to Laura's restaurant, and she gets us a drink and we have a great conversation. Then I get a call from my groomsman...he wants to meet up with all of us and hang out...ok, cool! But when I tell Ryan this, well he gets so angry. He tells me, if the groomsman comes here, that he's leaving and that I could find your own ride home...wow! I couldn't believe he had said that to me, but anyway, out of respect for Ryan (or maybe stupidity) I told my groomsman that I'm actually not feeling too well and I think I will go home to bed  instead.

Ryan and I leave Laura's restaurant after finishing our drinks and head to Kyle's, where Ryan picks up his tux and we play boardgames with Kyle's family....that was such a fun night with them!!!

The next day I'm up early, bustling around, getting hair and nails done and whatnot...primping for the wedding. Pictures being taken, helping Sara with her dress, etc etc. Eventually it's time to head over to the church in the limo....all the bridesmaids, including Becca and I, are taking pictures with Sara and one another, listening to the radio and singing along!

The wedding goes really well...Sara looks gorgeous, Kyle is so nervous his face is turning red and the look on his face when Sara walked down the isle was priceless! Many tears of joy were shed. It was a great ceremony!

The reception was the best part though! It was like a high school reunion....we saw all of our friends, met up with Sara's friends from college and Kyle's friends from San Diego. I danced so much, I barely ate.....they took away their wedding cake before I could even have a bite of it :(   The dance floor was like the foam parties we used to have at Eckerd, minus the foam and everyone in formal wear! I remember Ryan and I danced to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours," what was to become, for a short period in time, our song.

The party did not stop once we were kicked out of the place. Sara and Kyle may have gone to their honeymoon suite, which by the way, we decorated with rose petals, chocolates, condoms, lube, a fake pair of handcuffs that said "Love slave," and champagne, but the rest of us went to O'Brien's! If you've ever visited Newport, than you should know about O'Brien's! It was packed and we continued drinking and dancing, reminiscing about old times, etc.

That night Ryan took me home and even though we hadn't discussed it, I think that night we decided, we should try doing this whole relationship thing. We were official on January 30 and the only reason I remember that, to be honest, is because I have it written down in my sketch book.

So, our short relationship started. He visited me twice, I want to say, in St. Pete. Again, I had to sneak him in and out on weekdays, so that the staff at the prep school I worked at didn't get all bent out of shape (really, it was more like the head of school that would have cared...she was such a bitch). We had good times...mini-golfing with my friends Lisa and Lenny. He was there the weekend before Valentine's day I believe....and he did the sweetest thing. I came home from work Saturday night to find my apartment lit up with a walkway make out of candles and rose petals, "I'm Yours" playing in the background, and a bubble bath prepared! Ryan had also set out some champagne and our favorite candy, sour patch kids! It was the nicest thing anybody had ever done for me for Valentine's Day, and til this day I am still very grateful for that surprise!

Needless to say, we had a nice night. Our bubble bath was followed by a romantic dinner, which I had prepared. Homemade manicotti for us, salad, antipasto too! All followed by heart-shaped brownies that I had made!

Ryan also bought me Katy Perry tickets for my birthday so that me and a friend could go! What an awesome concert it was by the way!

Although Ryan could be sweet and romantic, in the end, I feel we made better friends than partners. See, every time I talked on the phone with him and tried to discuss emotional things, he would just shut down, or not respond...I didn't feel like I was getting the emotional connection I needed from him. Now, part of this may have been the fact that he was taking anti-depressant/anxiety medication. I know that they can change your personality, sometimes even changing you into an unfeeling robot. And I felt bad, but I just couldn't be with somebody who I felt like that with...who every time I talked about an issue with, it was like talking to a wall. I know he was going through a lot of stuff...I know that there were things in his life that he was trying to work on and change, but I just couldn't do it. I also was starting to get bored with our conversations (which isn't a good thing when you are trying to do a long distance relationship...see, he was a fire fighter in the Air force and once he got out, he continued to do this at a base in Georgia)...they were always so superficial, like "How was your day?" followed by how many pounds he benched pressed today, how much muscle he was trying to put on, etc...

So one day, after a few months of dating, we had a mutual break up. I told him, I just didn't want it to get to the point where we hated each other, where we never wanted to talk to each other again...I didn't want it to get to a point where it we were beyond repairing our friendship we once had.

It was sad, but necessary and it benefited both of us in the end, I think.

Ryan was like a semi-casual flat....they can be comfortable most of the time, but at the end of the day, they don't give you enough arch support and the middle of your feet are sore, not a sharp pain, but a dull, lingering one. Ryan, he was a comfortable fit and I thought we were pretty compatible, but at the end of the day, my feet hurt, because I wasn't getting the emotional support I needed. And although I tried to work these issues out, the "pain" I was feeling, was somewhat a lingering one. I just couldn't deal with that kind of thing every day.

Funny Moments with Ryan:

Ok, so Ryan and I always had a good time, whether it was going to Sea World for my birthday, which I am still thankful for, or whatever. But to be honest, the times we had in bed, for me at least, weren't as fun. It's not that he was a horrible lover, because he wasn't....I got mind plenty of times...it was just how everything finished. Now, I know some people are going to think horrible things when I say this, and I'm sorry, but this is how I feel. I could not stand how at the end of our romp in the sheet, Ryan would orgasm.....most guys ya know...make a little grunt or tense up a bit/go paralyzed, or maybe a little of both. But Ryan, it was like he was having seizures...he spasmed so bad that I didn't know whether I should call an ambulance or grab a spoon from the cabinet and hold down his tongue so he didn't choke on it. He also made noise, but not regular grunting....it almost sounded like something was dying. I know that most of the time, people cannot control their reactions when they are having an intense orgasm, but it just turned me off to see that every time.

I'm sure Ryan will one day find a sweet girl who appreciates him for who is he and is just as much of a freak in bed as he is, but that just wasn't for me. I still love him dearly as a friend though and I hope that he is doing well....actually, I talk to him often enough, that I know he is doing much better! He's gotten a lot of his past issues in check and I'm very proud of him for that!

So, my semi-casual pair of flats...they are still in my life, they are just my fun, friendly pair of shoes, as opposed to my perfect pair of shoes! I'll say hi to them, wear them out, walk around in them, but I'm still searching...  Hey! I'm going shopping today, who knows!

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

The Show Stopper: The shoe that turns heads

Hi all! Long time, no write! :) It's been a long crazy week and on this lovely Saturday morning, which I was FINALLY able to sleep in, I thought I'd post my next relationship/shoe story!

I'm going to call this next guy Markus. Markus and I met one fateful night when I was in Rhode Island for the summer and my friends and I decided to go out to a nice restaurant. After dinner, we were then going to catch our friend's band's, the Bubblegum Villians, gig at a bar. I remember sitting at the restaurant, talking to my friend Sara, and wondering who is that guy over there with the blue eyes and brown hair...and why is he sitting next to her (this girl I highly dislike, due her tendency to be a complete whore and fake person). As a side noet, one of my pet peeves is fake people...I can't stand them. If you don't like me or have a problem with me, say it to my face instead of running your mouth.

Anyway, after dinner, we moved on to the bar. The Bubblegum Villians were pretty awesome....I remember dancing with Sara that night, doing some swing moves! It was one of her last nights in town before she moved to California to join her fiance at the time, Kyle. I got to meet her college friends...all of which were super nice! At some point in time, I wanted another drink and was tired, so I sat down at the bar next to Markus and ordered something. Markus and I got to talking and we really hit it off. I found out Markus graduated from URI with a degree in psychology, which really interested me, because I minored in psychology in undergrad! We also, somehow, got to talking about past relationships a bit, which is the time I found out that whore face (girl mentioned above) was his ex...ew! I don't know what else we talked about...all I know is that we had a good time and before we knew it our friends were telling us it was time to leave. Markus and I wanted to continue talking, so he gave me his number and told me to call him when I got home, which I did.

Later that week, we went on a date. It was such a cute date...I felt like I was in middle school again! We went to the beach for the day and then around sunset we walked into downtown Newport to get some dinner and ice cream! I had butterflies most of the time on our date and I hadn't felt something like this since literally I was in middle school...it was exciting! I remember on our way to downtown Newport, as we were leaving the beach, we saw a wedding. We just sat for a minute and I admired the beautiful bride and the way the sky looked....and I thought, just for a second, that maybe this was sign that Markus and I may be together for a while.

After dinner, we didn't want to call it a night, so we walked around Newport, like I always do with my friends. We may have even gone to Ryan's Amusements, but I don't remember. On the way back to his house, we were stopped at a street corner, and I remember staring into his eyes and thinking 'Kiss me damn it!' Markus said later that night when I was on the phone with him, that he was thinking the exact same thing and that my eyes were so big and beautiful...it was like he could see fireworks going off in them. Sparks were definitely flying between us and fast!

We ended up deciding to try a long distance thing. See, this is right after we graduated, and I was working that Americorps job I told you about at the prep school. He was still in Rhode Island trying to get a job. But we thought it might be able to work out because his mom lived in Dunedin, 45 minutes away or so from St. Pete, and he came down to visit her often enough. I came to RI for holidays and for long periods in the summer, so I was sure we could work it out. Plus, I could have made plenty other excuses to come home! So...we were official!

I was semi-infatuated I guess...I couldn't help myself! He was so sweet, he played guitar, he had that blue-eyed brow- haired combination I LOVE, and he wrote a song about me!!! I still have the lyrics to it in my sketch book:

"Under the glow of the street lamps, the light cramps his style, and he stops, thinks for a while...what will he do, what will he say, to make you stay...not walk away, is there a single word that is...the key.

 What do you think he really is, another player boy, the ones that you avoid. Maybe you should see him in another light, maybe another sight will be before you, maybe you will see through, see all that he really is..

 Cause here is a man, standing before you heart in hand...Reason abandoned, when will you look beyond the surface, Haven't you heard this all before."

The last line is my favorite. The first time he came to visit me, he brought his guitar and sang this to me, after me begging him several times....he was shy about his music,  but it was great! I was falling and kind of hard!

The first time he visited me in Florida, he met my awesome roommates, we went to the beach, got Italian ice, I took him to a Rays game with good seats, and I think we went mini-golfing! It was a great visit! I think I saw him one more time in Florida, before things started to go south...

Long distance relationships were hard for him...I remember him telling me this. And when I asked him what was wrong or if he was happy, he would always reply that he wasn't unhappy, but he wasn't happy either. I remember writing him a cute poem that mimicked his song about us...about how I was happy to have found him. I also painted him a picture that depicted what his song was about and made a copy for myself:

It was the very first piece of artwork I did at the prep school that year.

 After a few months of dating, things weren't looking up. I felt stupid for allowing myself to fall so quickly and hard for somebody...I was worried what would happen. We always had a great time when we were with each other, but the distance was just killing us. One night, when I thought things were coming to a head, I wrote this poem:

I'm so worried about me and you, thought I felt something new, No light seeming to shine through, and I don't know what I'm gonna do...

 How do I make the pain go away, how do I convince you to stay, how do I make you forget the way...you feel about the distance?

Will we make it? Can you take it? Please don't break it (my heart). Will you work hard? Will I feel the need to be on guard?

I don't want to be broken again. I don't want to feel vulnerable and alone. I don't want to be more damaged and tainted.

I want to know this will work out...I want to not have to worry about...what you are thinking or what you might say, or if you will give up on us today.

I have faith, I can endure. What about you....are you unsure?

If you hadn't guessed already, Markus and I broke up. I felt horrible for a few weeks, because I thought I had that feeling...that deep down gut feeling that people talk about, when they say they met the one. My dad told me once that he knew after the second date that he was going to marry my mom and that's the kind of feeling I thought I had about Markus. Ah...but I guess that was just something else in the relationship department that I was wrong about.

Markus was like a pair of show stopper heels....you know the ones I'm talking about...The glittery, silver ones you wear to spice up a black or navy blue dress. You might also wear these kinds of shoes to a wedding if they match the dress! Well, that's what he was....he turned heads, or at least my head, for several reasons that included his personality, but also some physical features: as mentioned before, he had that blue-eyed, brown-haired combination. I think that is the best combination in the world and if my kids come out that way, I would be so pleased! He also played guitar and was in band in high school, but also an athlete (just like me!). He used to play baseball. Markus was also a romantic and a little bit sensitive, but not overly, which I liked. There was also one other thing that really turned my head, at first in fascination mixed with disgust, and then eventually I got used to it, so it was just more fascination....this would be the fact that he was uncircumcised. He was the first guy I ever saw and slept with that was uncircumcised, although I can't remember if I went down on him, because at the time, I may have been a little freaked out. It was interesting to me, this extra flesh. It made his penis look like it had a cape on it, or a sheath, almost....an extra layer of skin that was easy to move up and down. We took a few showers together and I know this sounds horrible, but I would watch him clean himself, just because I had never seen anything like it....A lot of people ask if sex feels different with an uncircumcised penis. I think it does a little bit...I think there is more skin to feel, more surface area, but besides that, I didn't notice too much of a difference. It's not like because he was uncircumcised, his penis was magical or anything! haha!

So, my show stopper and I...we didn't end on hostile terms. I'd still say hi and smile at him if I saw him in the street, but as far as being a part of my life...he isn't anymore. There were rumors that whore face was trying to steal him back from me and that may have been the reason he broke up with me, but I didn't really care about that and I still don't, although it does make me dislike her more. I hope my show stopper is doing well and that he finally has a career in psych. As for me, I'll keep searching for my perfect pair of Reefs or Tevas!

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

The instant-makeover booties: The fun shoe!

Well, after things fell through with the post-it note, I was done with guys for a while. My senior year of college I decided to focus on me and what I wanted, which in retrospect was a GREAT decision. I worked hard on my school work and on making myself happy! There was lots of fun times with friends and no guys to ruin it! What a great year!!

I remember a few days after I graduated...I freaked out! Where am I going to live? What am I going to do about work? How am I going to pay for all these bills? See...after graduation, I was on my own. No more help from my parents. It was a really scary time, but also exciting.

To make a long story short, I ended up getting a job at a prep school, which was a school for "at risk" children. I was hired as an art teacher and worked along side one of my now, very near and dear friends. I was excited to start writing curricula, to make a difference in a child's life.....Ya, that optimism very quickly went out the door as I was introduced to what the job really was....a year of having the authority swept out from under you, a year of of misery and enslavement! Hah...I exaggerate a little, but really, we worked 53 or more hours a week, were asked to do the stupidest things, and had very little down time. And for all the work we did around the school, no one really appreciated us. We were talked to and treated like children, especially by the head of school. It was really irritating. There were so little things I could control that year, so I decided to again focus on me and things I could control. That included me going to the gym 5 days a week and working off all that stress and anger the kids gave me throughout the day, as well as changing my diet. I switched to whole grain foods, organic dairy, etc. I did good...by Thanksgiving I could fit into my prom dress from high school! Holy crap!

Well, I also found another way of relieving stress that year and he goes by the name of Mr. B. We all called each other by our last names at this job, so even off the clock we referred to each other as such. Mr. B was only a few years older than me, an Americorps veteran, who was great to talk to about your frustrations. He had gone through it for two years and was hired on full-time as the gym teacher for his third year at this prep school.

Mmm..Mr. B...he was short, but built. Gorgeous blue eyes, clean cut light brown hair, a little bit of stubble, nice arm muscles....just overall a good looking guy. I think the first night we hooked up was after all of the Americorps and veterans went out to the clubs up in Tampa....We were pretty tipsy and well, after I had been dancing with him that night, he was quite interested in me....who wouldn't be?! Have you seen me shake it!!!!!

That night he drove us all back to the school, where we also lived (there were apartments above the classrooms), but after everyone got out he asked me to come back home with him. Now it had been a long time coming....I mean, I think it was 6 months since I had gotten some and I needed it bad. I was like a dog in heat...like a she-wolf ready to pounce on her prey! Oowoooooo!  Hell yea! I went back to his place!

After that, we shacked up several times. I remember vividly...he used Magnum's, which are the only Trojans I can use...they don't give me an allergic reaction or break on me like other Trojans. He was a freak! I mean...he used to like to 69 all the time and he loved a good rim job. He also liked being played with in other ways in that region. I had never met a guy who was so enthusiastic and kinky about that area. Wow! And I loved that he let me do whatever I wanted on top without disturbing me...my best and favorite position!

Several "walks of shame" (which I wouldn't really call them that, since I wasn't ashamed!) occurred when I was with him...sneaking into the school gates early to make sure no parents dropping their kids off for weekend trips saw us, dropping each other off at a street corner on a school day so nobody saw us come in together....it was kind of risky and fun!

Usually, I'm not the kind of girl that hooks up with co-workers, but Mr. B was great about keeping things under wrap, as was I. He made a great friend with benefits....because he wanted to please me just as much as I wanted to please him, but also because he was a damn good friend, with the exception of the night he left a bunch of us downtown, because he got pissed or something, and we had to find another ride back. There would be days where I'd go in his office, talk to him, and cry about the job. He was good at letting people talk, get things off their chest. The only thing he wasn't good at was giving hugs, but that's ok....I forced him to give me hugs sometimes...Who doesn't like the feeling of a guys nice, strong arms around you every once in a while?!

Mr. B....I included him, because he was just so fun! He was like a pair of instant-makeover ankle booties....my fun shoe! The sassy shoe I wear out to the clubs with leggings when I want to get down...the shoe I wear when I want to spice up an outfit! I love my pair of booties and if I could wear them every day, I just might! Mr. B made me feel sexy and sassy, just like my booties do. My booties also make me feel sophisticated, but you can damn well be sure I was not feeling so sophisticated when I was with Mr. B....he brought out the freak in me! 

Mr. B and I are still friends and to this day, I'm pretty sure if I flew out to where he now lives or vice versa, we'd be getting out freak on right this minute! Thanks Mr. B for relieving my stress when I needed it...too bad you don't live closer!

To be honest, I don't really remember too many funny moments with Mr. B. He was a funny guy, but nothing is coming to mind. I mean, there was that one time where we did a duet for karaoke to Rihanna's "Umbrella," but besides that I'm drawing a blank.

Well, guess that's it for my fun, sexy booties!

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

First Date Since Roberto

Well, tonight I went on my first date since Roberto and I split up (who I will be discussing in later posts).

This guy, who I will not be giving a name, because right now I don't know if he'll be making it into my memoirs of men, was really nice. He's a sous chef going to graduate school for hospitality and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He wasn't too bad looking either, contrary to his pictures of plenty of fish (POF)....He had those blue eyes I love! :)

Anyway, we had a great conversation, talked about a whole bunch of things....and when he asked me earlier to go on a second date, I said yes. I definitely had a good time. We even discussed how we both disliked the honey moon phase, which I have discussed earlier in my posts....how we both just want to be real with our dates, not find out 4 months down the road that they didn't really like the activities we were into, or something like that. We also discussed how the last part of the night is the most awkward part. You can talk all night long, but standing in the parking lot trying to figure out if we should kiss each other, maybe just kiss each other on the cheek, or maybe just hug it out....but then again, the thought of "I don't want him to think I don't want to kiss him, but maybe if I kiss him that's moving too fast for me"... Eventually, we hugged it out!

The only thing that's bugging me is that I didn't feel the same way when I left this date as I did when Roberto and I had our first date. Maybe I have this hyped up version of a first date in my head....like an expectation now, because Roberto and I had the perfect first date...down to the food, wine, and conversation. There was an automatic spark between Roberto and I...I knew pretty much mid-date that Roberto and I were going to date and for a long time. Now, I'm not saying that won't happen with this new guy, but when I drove home, I just didn't feel that immediate reaction, like "Yes, this is definitely going to work out. We are compatible."

Is this normal to feel this way? I laughed and I joked on the date...I had a good time...Am I just not ready to dip my toes into the dating pool yet? Or maybe I'm just over-reacting....

I did agree to another date with him. Wonder what will happen next time....

Oh well, Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be...the future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera! (Yes, I love old Rosemary Clooney songs...reminds me of my grandmother!)

If you have advice, suggestions, etc comment please! :)

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs