The Semi-casual Flat: The comfy pair of flats that were compatible- or were they?

It had been many months since Markus and I had broken up. I was still going to the gym 5 times a week, eating all whole grains and organic dairy, and taking care of myself. And when I needed to be taken care of by a man, I turned to Mr. B to give me the attention that every girl needs!

I also had been having many conversations with one of my best guy friends from home, Ryan. We were both in between relationships and in a bit of a rut, especially him, because only recently had he found out that his fiance, or should I say ex-fiance, had an affair while he was serving in Iraq. What a bitch! Ryan and I had always been close...well, ever since high school. We had many things in common, like the fact that we both loved cats, wanted to be married by the time we turned 30, wanted to eventually have a family, always turned everything into a sexual inuendo, loved Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, and were hopeless romantics... Ok..so many some of the things we had in common were a little foolish, but whatever! We were also huge flirts....there was always this tension between us, but it was more of a friendly flirting than anything else (On a side note: I missed winning class flirt by 5 votes my senior year of high school, just so you understand where I'm coming from. I think it's fun to flirt and I obviously tone it down when I'm in a relationship, but as soon as I hit the market, I'm back to flirting and talking it up with every cute guy I see).

Ryan and I had always wondered what it would be like if we dated one another and as our friends', Sara and Kyle, wedding drew closer, these conversations and thoughts were getting more and more frequent and enticing.

Soon, it was January, and I was home in RI for the wedding!! Sara's bachelorette party was a blast! We played one of those dare card games, where you have to do certain things and get other people in the club to do things for you and you win points! The one with the most points at the end of the night is the champion! Hah...I had to ask the "hottest" man in the room, deemed so by the party, to kiss me. Which I was pretty pissed at this guy, because at first he wouldn't do it, cause his boss was there, but by the end of the night, I got him to...Seductress over here! That night Laura, Sara, and I ended up sleeping over at Laura's house, all in the same bed, like the old times! It was a great night. I could tell you many more stories about that night, but I don't think it's my place to be discussing such things ;)   All I can tell you is all night, even though Ryan was at a strip club with Kyle and the rest of the bachelor party, he was texting me.

At the wedding rehearsal, I saw Ryan for the first time in 5 years. We acted as we usually do....saying hello, hugging, flirting a bit, etc. I also did a little flirting with my fellow groomsman, who was walking with me down the isle. Sara had paired us up not by height, but by personality, and let me tell you, this guy definitely understood my humor! Funny thing was, seeing us walk down the isle was like looking at a giant and a pea, me playing the role of the pea. My groomsman stood at least a foot taller than me...probably more. I had to tell him to take shorter strides, just so I could keep up with him...and the heels didn't help!

Anyway, back to my story...so, there was more flirting and talking at the rehearsal dinner, between both me and Ryan and me and my groomsman. Flirting, which was only amplified by glasses of wine and more glasses of wine. I hope I didn't embarrass Sara and Kyle that night, because wine hits me fast...like 3 glasses and I'm gone...and I tend to get louder than I normally am, which is pretty loud, when I get tipsy...so I just hope I didn't embarrass them in front of their parents.

After the rehearsal dinner, Ryan and I decided to visit our friend Laura at work. So we drove to downtown Newport and while at a red light, I said to him: 'All I could think of at dinner was how it would feel to kiss you' and he agreed. He then leaned over and kissed me. Now, Ryan's got a good memory, so he would be able to tell you the song that was playing when this happened, but unfortunately I cannot recall the song (maybe because I had had one too many). So, we get to Laura's restaurant, and she gets us a drink and we have a great conversation. Then I get a call from my groomsman...he wants to meet up with all of us and hang out...ok, cool! But when I tell Ryan this, well he gets so angry. He tells me, if the groomsman comes here, that he's leaving and that I could find your own ride home...wow! I couldn't believe he had said that to me, but anyway, out of respect for Ryan (or maybe stupidity) I told my groomsman that I'm actually not feeling too well and I think I will go home to bed  instead.

Ryan and I leave Laura's restaurant after finishing our drinks and head to Kyle's, where Ryan picks up his tux and we play boardgames with Kyle's family....that was such a fun night with them!!!

The next day I'm up early, bustling around, getting hair and nails done and whatnot...primping for the wedding. Pictures being taken, helping Sara with her dress, etc etc. Eventually it's time to head over to the church in the limo....all the bridesmaids, including Becca and I, are taking pictures with Sara and one another, listening to the radio and singing along!

The wedding goes really well...Sara looks gorgeous, Kyle is so nervous his face is turning red and the look on his face when Sara walked down the isle was priceless! Many tears of joy were shed. It was a great ceremony!

The reception was the best part though! It was like a high school reunion....we saw all of our friends, met up with Sara's friends from college and Kyle's friends from San Diego. I danced so much, I barely ate.....they took away their wedding cake before I could even have a bite of it :(   The dance floor was like the foam parties we used to have at Eckerd, minus the foam and everyone in formal wear! I remember Ryan and I danced to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours," what was to become, for a short period in time, our song.

The party did not stop once we were kicked out of the place. Sara and Kyle may have gone to their honeymoon suite, which by the way, we decorated with rose petals, chocolates, condoms, lube, a fake pair of handcuffs that said "Love slave," and champagne, but the rest of us went to O'Brien's! If you've ever visited Newport, than you should know about O'Brien's! It was packed and we continued drinking and dancing, reminiscing about old times, etc.

That night Ryan took me home and even though we hadn't discussed it, I think that night we decided, we should try doing this whole relationship thing. We were official on January 30 and the only reason I remember that, to be honest, is because I have it written down in my sketch book.

So, our short relationship started. He visited me twice, I want to say, in St. Pete. Again, I had to sneak him in and out on weekdays, so that the staff at the prep school I worked at didn't get all bent out of shape (really, it was more like the head of school that would have cared...she was such a bitch). We had good times...mini-golfing with my friends Lisa and Lenny. He was there the weekend before Valentine's day I believe....and he did the sweetest thing. I came home from work Saturday night to find my apartment lit up with a walkway make out of candles and rose petals, "I'm Yours" playing in the background, and a bubble bath prepared! Ryan had also set out some champagne and our favorite candy, sour patch kids! It was the nicest thing anybody had ever done for me for Valentine's Day, and til this day I am still very grateful for that surprise!

Needless to say, we had a nice night. Our bubble bath was followed by a romantic dinner, which I had prepared. Homemade manicotti for us, salad, antipasto too! All followed by heart-shaped brownies that I had made!

Ryan also bought me Katy Perry tickets for my birthday so that me and a friend could go! What an awesome concert it was by the way!

Although Ryan could be sweet and romantic, in the end, I feel we made better friends than partners. See, every time I talked on the phone with him and tried to discuss emotional things, he would just shut down, or not respond...I didn't feel like I was getting the emotional connection I needed from him. Now, part of this may have been the fact that he was taking anti-depressant/anxiety medication. I know that they can change your personality, sometimes even changing you into an unfeeling robot. And I felt bad, but I just couldn't be with somebody who I felt like that with...who every time I talked about an issue with, it was like talking to a wall. I know he was going through a lot of stuff...I know that there were things in his life that he was trying to work on and change, but I just couldn't do it. I also was starting to get bored with our conversations (which isn't a good thing when you are trying to do a long distance relationship...see, he was a fire fighter in the Air force and once he got out, he continued to do this at a base in Georgia)...they were always so superficial, like "How was your day?" followed by how many pounds he benched pressed today, how much muscle he was trying to put on, etc...

So one day, after a few months of dating, we had a mutual break up. I told him, I just didn't want it to get to the point where we hated each other, where we never wanted to talk to each other again...I didn't want it to get to a point where it we were beyond repairing our friendship we once had.

It was sad, but necessary and it benefited both of us in the end, I think.

Ryan was like a semi-casual flat....they can be comfortable most of the time, but at the end of the day, they don't give you enough arch support and the middle of your feet are sore, not a sharp pain, but a dull, lingering one. Ryan, he was a comfortable fit and I thought we were pretty compatible, but at the end of the day, my feet hurt, because I wasn't getting the emotional support I needed. And although I tried to work these issues out, the "pain" I was feeling, was somewhat a lingering one. I just couldn't deal with that kind of thing every day.

Funny Moments with Ryan:

Ok, so Ryan and I always had a good time, whether it was going to Sea World for my birthday, which I am still thankful for, or whatever. But to be honest, the times we had in bed, for me at least, weren't as fun. It's not that he was a horrible lover, because he wasn't....I got mind plenty of times...it was just how everything finished. Now, I know some people are going to think horrible things when I say this, and I'm sorry, but this is how I feel. I could not stand how at the end of our romp in the sheet, Ryan would orgasm.....most guys ya know...make a little grunt or tense up a bit/go paralyzed, or maybe a little of both. But Ryan, it was like he was having seizures...he spasmed so bad that I didn't know whether I should call an ambulance or grab a spoon from the cabinet and hold down his tongue so he didn't choke on it. He also made noise, but not regular grunting....it almost sounded like something was dying. I know that most of the time, people cannot control their reactions when they are having an intense orgasm, but it just turned me off to see that every time.

I'm sure Ryan will one day find a sweet girl who appreciates him for who is he and is just as much of a freak in bed as he is, but that just wasn't for me. I still love him dearly as a friend though and I hope that he is doing well....actually, I talk to him often enough, that I know he is doing much better! He's gotten a lot of his past issues in check and I'm very proud of him for that!

So, my semi-casual pair of flats...they are still in my life, they are just my fun, friendly pair of shoes, as opposed to my perfect pair of shoes! I'll say hi to them, wear them out, walk around in them, but I'm still searching...  Hey! I'm going shopping today, who knows!

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

The Show Stopper: The shoe that turns heads

Hi all! Long time, no write! :) It's been a long crazy week and on this lovely Saturday morning, which I was FINALLY able to sleep in, I thought I'd post my next relationship/shoe story!

I'm going to call this next guy Markus. Markus and I met one fateful night when I was in Rhode Island for the summer and my friends and I decided to go out to a nice restaurant. After dinner, we were then going to catch our friend's band's, the Bubblegum Villians, gig at a bar. I remember sitting at the restaurant, talking to my friend Sara, and wondering who is that guy over there with the blue eyes and brown hair...and why is he sitting next to her (this girl I highly dislike, due her tendency to be a complete whore and fake person). As a side noet, one of my pet peeves is fake people...I can't stand them. If you don't like me or have a problem with me, say it to my face instead of running your mouth.

Anyway, after dinner, we moved on to the bar. The Bubblegum Villians were pretty awesome....I remember dancing with Sara that night, doing some swing moves! It was one of her last nights in town before she moved to California to join her fiance at the time, Kyle. I got to meet her college friends...all of which were super nice! At some point in time, I wanted another drink and was tired, so I sat down at the bar next to Markus and ordered something. Markus and I got to talking and we really hit it off. I found out Markus graduated from URI with a degree in psychology, which really interested me, because I minored in psychology in undergrad! We also, somehow, got to talking about past relationships a bit, which is the time I found out that whore face (girl mentioned above) was his ex...ew! I don't know what else we talked about...all I know is that we had a good time and before we knew it our friends were telling us it was time to leave. Markus and I wanted to continue talking, so he gave me his number and told me to call him when I got home, which I did.

Later that week, we went on a date. It was such a cute date...I felt like I was in middle school again! We went to the beach for the day and then around sunset we walked into downtown Newport to get some dinner and ice cream! I had butterflies most of the time on our date and I hadn't felt something like this since literally I was in middle school...it was exciting! I remember on our way to downtown Newport, as we were leaving the beach, we saw a wedding. We just sat for a minute and I admired the beautiful bride and the way the sky looked....and I thought, just for a second, that maybe this was sign that Markus and I may be together for a while.

After dinner, we didn't want to call it a night, so we walked around Newport, like I always do with my friends. We may have even gone to Ryan's Amusements, but I don't remember. On the way back to his house, we were stopped at a street corner, and I remember staring into his eyes and thinking 'Kiss me damn it!' Markus said later that night when I was on the phone with him, that he was thinking the exact same thing and that my eyes were so big and beautiful...it was like he could see fireworks going off in them. Sparks were definitely flying between us and fast!

We ended up deciding to try a long distance thing. See, this is right after we graduated, and I was working that Americorps job I told you about at the prep school. He was still in Rhode Island trying to get a job. But we thought it might be able to work out because his mom lived in Dunedin, 45 minutes away or so from St. Pete, and he came down to visit her often enough. I came to RI for holidays and for long periods in the summer, so I was sure we could work it out. Plus, I could have made plenty other excuses to come home! So...we were official!

I was semi-infatuated I guess...I couldn't help myself! He was so sweet, he played guitar, he had that blue-eyed brow- haired combination I LOVE, and he wrote a song about me!!! I still have the lyrics to it in my sketch book:

"Under the glow of the street lamps, the light cramps his style, and he stops, thinks for a while...what will he do, what will he say, to make you stay...not walk away, is there a single word that is...the key.

 What do you think he really is, another player boy, the ones that you avoid. Maybe you should see him in another light, maybe another sight will be before you, maybe you will see through, see all that he really is..

 Cause here is a man, standing before you heart in hand...Reason abandoned, when will you look beyond the surface, Haven't you heard this all before."

The last line is my favorite. The first time he came to visit me, he brought his guitar and sang this to me, after me begging him several times....he was shy about his music,  but it was great! I was falling and kind of hard!

The first time he visited me in Florida, he met my awesome roommates, we went to the beach, got Italian ice, I took him to a Rays game with good seats, and I think we went mini-golfing! It was a great visit! I think I saw him one more time in Florida, before things started to go south...

Long distance relationships were hard for him...I remember him telling me this. And when I asked him what was wrong or if he was happy, he would always reply that he wasn't unhappy, but he wasn't happy either. I remember writing him a cute poem that mimicked his song about us...about how I was happy to have found him. I also painted him a picture that depicted what his song was about and made a copy for myself:

It was the very first piece of artwork I did at the prep school that year.

 After a few months of dating, things weren't looking up. I felt stupid for allowing myself to fall so quickly and hard for somebody...I was worried what would happen. We always had a great time when we were with each other, but the distance was just killing us. One night, when I thought things were coming to a head, I wrote this poem:

I'm so worried about me and you, thought I felt something new, No light seeming to shine through, and I don't know what I'm gonna do...

 How do I make the pain go away, how do I convince you to stay, how do I make you forget the way...you feel about the distance?

Will we make it? Can you take it? Please don't break it (my heart). Will you work hard? Will I feel the need to be on guard?

I don't want to be broken again. I don't want to feel vulnerable and alone. I don't want to be more damaged and tainted.

I want to know this will work out...I want to not have to worry about...what you are thinking or what you might say, or if you will give up on us today.

I have faith, I can endure. What about you....are you unsure?

If you hadn't guessed already, Markus and I broke up. I felt horrible for a few weeks, because I thought I had that feeling...that deep down gut feeling that people talk about, when they say they met the one. My dad told me once that he knew after the second date that he was going to marry my mom and that's the kind of feeling I thought I had about Markus. Ah...but I guess that was just something else in the relationship department that I was wrong about.

Markus was like a pair of show stopper heels....you know the ones I'm talking about...The glittery, silver ones you wear to spice up a black or navy blue dress. You might also wear these kinds of shoes to a wedding if they match the dress! Well, that's what he was....he turned heads, or at least my head, for several reasons that included his personality, but also some physical features: as mentioned before, he had that blue-eyed, brown-haired combination. I think that is the best combination in the world and if my kids come out that way, I would be so pleased! He also played guitar and was in band in high school, but also an athlete (just like me!). He used to play baseball. Markus was also a romantic and a little bit sensitive, but not overly, which I liked. There was also one other thing that really turned my head, at first in fascination mixed with disgust, and then eventually I got used to it, so it was just more fascination....this would be the fact that he was uncircumcised. He was the first guy I ever saw and slept with that was uncircumcised, although I can't remember if I went down on him, because at the time, I may have been a little freaked out. It was interesting to me, this extra flesh. It made his penis look like it had a cape on it, or a sheath, almost....an extra layer of skin that was easy to move up and down. We took a few showers together and I know this sounds horrible, but I would watch him clean himself, just because I had never seen anything like it....A lot of people ask if sex feels different with an uncircumcised penis. I think it does a little bit...I think there is more skin to feel, more surface area, but besides that, I didn't notice too much of a difference. It's not like because he was uncircumcised, his penis was magical or anything! haha!

So, my show stopper and I...we didn't end on hostile terms. I'd still say hi and smile at him if I saw him in the street, but as far as being a part of my life...he isn't anymore. There were rumors that whore face was trying to steal him back from me and that may have been the reason he broke up with me, but I didn't really care about that and I still don't, although it does make me dislike her more. I hope my show stopper is doing well and that he finally has a career in psych. As for me, I'll keep searching for my perfect pair of Reefs or Tevas!

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

The instant-makeover booties: The fun shoe!

Well, after things fell through with the post-it note, I was done with guys for a while. My senior year of college I decided to focus on me and what I wanted, which in retrospect was a GREAT decision. I worked hard on my school work and on making myself happy! There was lots of fun times with friends and no guys to ruin it! What a great year!!

I remember a few days after I graduated...I freaked out! Where am I going to live? What am I going to do about work? How am I going to pay for all these bills? See...after graduation, I was on my own. No more help from my parents. It was a really scary time, but also exciting.

To make a long story short, I ended up getting a job at a prep school, which was a school for "at risk" children. I was hired as an art teacher and worked along side one of my now, very near and dear friends. I was excited to start writing curricula, to make a difference in a child's life.....Ya, that optimism very quickly went out the door as I was introduced to what the job really was....a year of having the authority swept out from under you, a year of of misery and enslavement! Hah...I exaggerate a little, but really, we worked 53 or more hours a week, were asked to do the stupidest things, and had very little down time. And for all the work we did around the school, no one really appreciated us. We were talked to and treated like children, especially by the head of school. It was really irritating. There were so little things I could control that year, so I decided to again focus on me and things I could control. That included me going to the gym 5 days a week and working off all that stress and anger the kids gave me throughout the day, as well as changing my diet. I switched to whole grain foods, organic dairy, etc. I did good...by Thanksgiving I could fit into my prom dress from high school! Holy crap!

Well, I also found another way of relieving stress that year and he goes by the name of Mr. B. We all called each other by our last names at this job, so even off the clock we referred to each other as such. Mr. B was only a few years older than me, an Americorps veteran, who was great to talk to about your frustrations. He had gone through it for two years and was hired on full-time as the gym teacher for his third year at this prep school.

Mmm..Mr. B...he was short, but built. Gorgeous blue eyes, clean cut light brown hair, a little bit of stubble, nice arm muscles....just overall a good looking guy. I think the first night we hooked up was after all of the Americorps and veterans went out to the clubs up in Tampa....We were pretty tipsy and well, after I had been dancing with him that night, he was quite interested in me....who wouldn't be?! Have you seen me shake it!!!!!

That night he drove us all back to the school, where we also lived (there were apartments above the classrooms), but after everyone got out he asked me to come back home with him. Now it had been a long time coming....I mean, I think it was 6 months since I had gotten some and I needed it bad. I was like a dog in heat...like a she-wolf ready to pounce on her prey! Oowoooooo!  Hell yea! I went back to his place!

After that, we shacked up several times. I remember vividly...he used Magnum's, which are the only Trojans I can use...they don't give me an allergic reaction or break on me like other Trojans. He was a freak! I mean...he used to like to 69 all the time and he loved a good rim job. He also liked being played with in other ways in that region. I had never met a guy who was so enthusiastic and kinky about that area. Wow! And I loved that he let me do whatever I wanted on top without disturbing me...my best and favorite position!

Several "walks of shame" (which I wouldn't really call them that, since I wasn't ashamed!) occurred when I was with him...sneaking into the school gates early to make sure no parents dropping their kids off for weekend trips saw us, dropping each other off at a street corner on a school day so nobody saw us come in together....it was kind of risky and fun!

Usually, I'm not the kind of girl that hooks up with co-workers, but Mr. B was great about keeping things under wrap, as was I. He made a great friend with benefits....because he wanted to please me just as much as I wanted to please him, but also because he was a damn good friend, with the exception of the night he left a bunch of us downtown, because he got pissed or something, and we had to find another ride back. There would be days where I'd go in his office, talk to him, and cry about the job. He was good at letting people talk, get things off their chest. The only thing he wasn't good at was giving hugs, but that's ok....I forced him to give me hugs sometimes...Who doesn't like the feeling of a guys nice, strong arms around you every once in a while?!

Mr. B....I included him, because he was just so fun! He was like a pair of instant-makeover ankle booties....my fun shoe! The sassy shoe I wear out to the clubs with leggings when I want to get down...the shoe I wear when I want to spice up an outfit! I love my pair of booties and if I could wear them every day, I just might! Mr. B made me feel sexy and sassy, just like my booties do. My booties also make me feel sophisticated, but you can damn well be sure I was not feeling so sophisticated when I was with Mr. B....he brought out the freak in me! 

Mr. B and I are still friends and to this day, I'm pretty sure if I flew out to where he now lives or vice versa, we'd be getting out freak on right this minute! Thanks Mr. B for relieving my stress when I needed it...too bad you don't live closer!

To be honest, I don't really remember too many funny moments with Mr. B. He was a funny guy, but nothing is coming to mind. I mean, there was that one time where we did a duet for karaoke to Rihanna's "Umbrella," but besides that I'm drawing a blank.

Well, guess that's it for my fun, sexy booties!

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

First Date Since Roberto

Well, tonight I went on my first date since Roberto and I split up (who I will be discussing in later posts).

This guy, who I will not be giving a name, because right now I don't know if he'll be making it into my memoirs of men, was really nice. He's a sous chef going to graduate school for hospitality and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He wasn't too bad looking either, contrary to his pictures of plenty of fish (POF)....He had those blue eyes I love! :)

Anyway, we had a great conversation, talked about a whole bunch of things....and when he asked me earlier to go on a second date, I said yes. I definitely had a good time. We even discussed how we both disliked the honey moon phase, which I have discussed earlier in my posts....how we both just want to be real with our dates, not find out 4 months down the road that they didn't really like the activities we were into, or something like that. We also discussed how the last part of the night is the most awkward part. You can talk all night long, but standing in the parking lot trying to figure out if we should kiss each other, maybe just kiss each other on the cheek, or maybe just hug it out....but then again, the thought of "I don't want him to think I don't want to kiss him, but maybe if I kiss him that's moving too fast for me"... Eventually, we hugged it out!

The only thing that's bugging me is that I didn't feel the same way when I left this date as I did when Roberto and I had our first date. Maybe I have this hyped up version of a first date in my head....like an expectation now, because Roberto and I had the perfect first date...down to the food, wine, and conversation. There was an automatic spark between Roberto and I...I knew pretty much mid-date that Roberto and I were going to date and for a long time. Now, I'm not saying that won't happen with this new guy, but when I drove home, I just didn't feel that immediate reaction, like "Yes, this is definitely going to work out. We are compatible."

Is this normal to feel this way? I laughed and I joked on the date...I had a good time...Am I just not ready to dip my toes into the dating pool yet? Or maybe I'm just over-reacting....

I did agree to another date with him. Wonder what will happen next time....

Oh well, Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be...the future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera! (Yes, I love old Rosemary Clooney songs...reminds me of my grandmother!)

If you have advice, suggestions, etc comment please! :)

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

The Low-Heeled Black Pump: The shoes your friend stole

Ok...I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been very busy between my jobs, thesis work, etc. And I had a really bad day today...I mean possibly one of the worst days on my top 10 list so far (depending on how it ends). So I thought maybe reconnecting with you all would cheer me up a bit. Here goes....

After I broke up with Asshole, it was easy to want to swear off guys. I mean after all that mental, emotional, and physical pain he caused me, you can understand. It took me some time to get back in the dating game...I couldn't even look at guys for a while, because they disgusted me. Even when I did get back into dating, I was very cautious and slightly paranoid (but who could blame me right?!).

I didn't think of the possibility of dating anyone until months after. I was waitressing at this sports bar and grill, when my friend introduced me to Jon. I said hi, we had a short conversation, and that was it. I wasn't really into him (or anyone at the time), I mean he wasn't unattractive... he had that boy-next-door type look,which by the way, I get the same description all the time...."Oh you're cute! You are like the girl-next-door cute." Anyway, I had to be nice to him because he was a regular. You don't want to upset your regulars!

So a few more months go by and I forgot all about Jon..I even forgot what he looked like (he must have been avoiding days that I worked or something! jk jk). One day Jon is sitting in my section and I'm like...."Who is that cute guy?" I must have repressed the memory of meeting him LOL!  Well I start talking to him, the people-person that I am, and we have a great conversation. He decides to invite me to a Halloween party that his sailing team is throwing. I'm down! I LOVE Halloween....I mean...I pick a new costume every year...I hate being the same thing multiple years in a row! And I make sure my costume is damn good...I mean as close of a replicate as I can be, whether it be little red riding hood, a playboy kitty, a genie, or a vampire inspired by the Twilight books...all of which I have been (and the list goes on).

So, the night of the Halloween party comes along, and by this point we have been talking on the phone and hanging out outside of work. He seemed like a pretty cool guy! Anyway, Jon comes with a few friends in tow to pick me up for the party...and he has a surprise for me! When he walks in the door, I am super happy because he dressed up like a pirate to the T!!! He even had his friends, we'll call them Anna and Marie, put on black eye-liner!!! He looked damn good...I mean he couldn't pass for Johnny Depp, but still, he looked damn good. And we matched....he had done it just for me! My costume that year was a HOTT PIRATE WENCH...I'm talking beads and braids in the hair, a pirate bandana, black fishnet stockings with ass-kicking ankle boots, and a sexy pirate outfit, which my friend Kim and I had ripped the skirt of so it looked short, sexy, and tattered!

That night we had a blast...I met all his sailing buddies! They were wicked friendly and loved to drink! There was drunken games of Twister, card games, beer pong, flip cup...the works! We had a great time...such a great time that the next night we partied at Eckerd! And the kids at Eckerd knew how to throw some Halloween parties!!!

Things moved kind of fast after that and soon we were dating (P.S. What is up with me finding guys at Halloween parties?!! LOL). We were going out to eat all the time, movies, drinking, dancing....good times were had my Junior year of college!

Jon and I would also hang out with my friends, which was so nice, seeing as my last two ex's (maybe even more) would  not. Jon was a great guy (at least in the beginning)....he never made my friends feel like the third wheel! Sometimes, he'd even treat my friends to dinner too. He was a real gentleman (again I say...in the beginning)...pulling out chairs for people, opening doors, etc.

My friends liked him so much that they would invite the both of us over, not just me, for girly nights when we were scheduled to watch "Grey's Anatomy." Actually, this may have been my first mistake....letting a certain "friend" (mentioned prior to this post), the skank, get too close to him.

I don't remember exactly when it happened, although I do know that it was after our 4 week winter term was done and also after my birthday....but something happened in Jon's family. I never found out what, but it had to do with Jon's brother....Jon got very quiet, very introverted, and all the sudden I didn't hear from him for over a week. I was confused...everything had been going well with us, so even though there was something wrong in his family, it didn't mean he had to shut me out. But he did....he pushes away everyone he loves when life isn't going perfectly (which, really? When is it ever?)....I told him he could confide in me, that I loved him and I wanted him to be able to trust me, to tell me things...to at least let me help in that way.

Well, this whole situation got so bad, with him not calling me or talking to me, that one day I just told him.."If you want to break up with me, then do it!" And he did...I pretty much forced him to, but that's the conclusion he came up with. Fine!

So probably a week later he calls me and tells me he's sorry and he wants to make up for what he's done. He invites me over for dinner at his house (he was living with his parents and his parents were away for the weekend). He made some delicious Italian meal, he had candles, wine, the works, but I was still angry about what he did and I really didn't know if I could trust him. I don't think the dinner led to what he had in mind...instead it led to an agreement that we weren't officially together.

We still had feelings for each other though...it was quite clear! The only thing that had changed between us was the title. We still hung out together all the time, we still bought things for one another, and we still slept together, both in the sexual and literal sense. He was over my dorm room practically every night. I can definitely say I enjoyed sex with him! He wasn't the biggest I've had (and he wasn't the smallest either), but we had a hell of a good time, because we worked well together, listened to each other....the motion of the ocean LOL!!! We had such a good time that a few times the impossible happened....see, when I was with Asshole I FINALLY got my first orgasm....Yes, Sad, isn't it? I didn't get my first O until the age of 20 and I'd been having sex since I was 17!! For a while I was terrified I had some kind of psychological disease (I minored in Psych and had just taken abnormal psych, where we learned about females having a few diseases where they can't get off.....I was terrified I had one of those).

Anyway, getting back to what I thought was impossible.....you know in porno's when they show the girl get off and she squirts? Well I thought that was just a myth until Jon and I....I was on top, riding him hard like I always do (I love being on top!) and I just remember thinking about how much I loved him and how much I wanted to please him.....and as this familiar tingling sensation started to travel throughout my body...to my toes, my fingers, my inner legs....I kept thinking about how good it felt, how it felt more intense than ever, and how I wish I could do this every day, all the time....All the sudden I hear "Oh God!!" A half pleasurable, half surprised "Oh God" and I ask Jon what's the matter. He goes "You just squirted me in the eye!" 'WHAT? No way!' "Yea... you did...you squirted and it got on my face and in my eye" I looked down at my arm and he's not lying....it's like the water works went off! LOL All I could do was start laughing....who knew I had it in me?!!! :)  LOL

So, yes, the sex was good. And that little reaction happened a few more times with him.

Moving on.....Jon calls me one day to see what I was doing. I had plans with one of my friends who was visiting from home. Well Jon, I guess upset because I didn't want to hang out with him that night, decides he'll make his own plans....(More to follow)..

So, I call him a few days later and see if he wants to come over. He does and after hanging out for a while, we start making out all hot and heavy.....I start to try to take his clothes off and he's acting all shady. He tells me he DOESN'T want to have sex with me....WHAT?! Honestly, I have never been told by any guy that I've gone out with (who I've been making out with, etc, etc) that they did not want to have sex with me! RED FLAG goes up in my head..."What do you mean you don't want to have sex with  me? What's going on Jon?" He won't speak a word..won't tell me anything. He just says he's not in the mood and soon after leaves. Now, I know something fishy is up...I'm not stupid! So I keep a look out for clues...

Later, Kim and I go over to Skank's house to watch Grey's Anatomy and Jon comes over too...a usual Thursday night. It's a commercial break and we're all talking about the show, when Skank goes into the kitchen to get some food. Jon asks for some mashed potatoes, so she brings him some. Next thing I know, she's over on the arm of the couch, dangerously close to Jon, asking him if he wants some butter for his mashed potatoes. I can't believe my eyes! What the hell is doing on.....I turn to Kim and give her an expression that reveals my thoughts. She gives me eyes back like "I don't know, but that's fucked up and that bitch better be careful!" So I scoot closer to Jon, place my hand on his knee....ya know, little movements that should tell a girl "HEY! BACK OFF!" I think Skank finally gets the point after some death glares from me. She sits down next to Kim across the room and we continue watching Grey's Anatomy. I don't quite remember what happened after the show...all I know was I was pissed!

So later that week, I see Jon at the restaurant while I'm working. He's texting on his phone, waiting for me to be done with my chores so we can hang out, and I sit down next to him. I casually ask him what he wants to do tonight and he mentions that Skankasaurus wanted to hang out. I'm like...weird!

Now I've been taking note of everything....so I try calling Skank to ask her what's going on, because Jon certainly won't spill the beans, and Skank is supposed to be my friend (my first friend from college mind you)....nothing. I just keep getting the answering machine. I finally see her online, so I IM her, acting all sweet and innocent (because now I know something's really up...Jon won't talk and Skank is ignoring my calls)...."Ya know, Skank, I just want to know what's going on....I'm confused." Finally I weasel it out of her.....The night that Jon got mad at me for making other plans, Skank (What a bitch!) called him up and told him he should come over her house....they could watch a movie and smoke some weed. So Jon went over there, and later as he put it....got so high that before he knew it Skank was kissing him and he couldn't stop her...or some BULLSHIT! Well, apparently they hooked up....although I don't know how far this hooking up goes, but I didn't care, because we acted like we were still together and I obviously was still interested in him! SKANKASAURUS broke an unwritten chick code (Like that show "How I met your mother" with their bro codes)....You NEVER mess with a friend's ex, especially right after they break up (and as an addition were still sleeping together/hanging out together)! NEVER!

I was pissed....I went into a literary rage...I did not hold back. Over IM I told her everything I thought of her, including that she was a back-stabbing bitch...and the last thing I told her was "I'm a strong believer in Karma...and Karma's going to come back and bite you in the ass!" That day our "friendship" was done, over, finito! From that day on I refused every invitation to eat with her and Kim, because I don't break bread with my enemies, I refused to go over her house, I refused to make conversation with her.....

After that, I didn't speak to Jon for quite some time, but he called me apologizing all the time, he texted me....he would not stop trying to make up for it...buying me flowers, etc etc. Finally, I thought, he's putting in such and effort....everyone deserves a second chance, maybe I should give him one (in retrospect WRONG!).

We were unofficially dating for a few months, then I went to Bermuda for a 10 week internship to study cephalopod behavior (AWESOME!!!!!!) and he moved back to Ohio...yet we still said I love you to each other. I talked to him on the phone every night for a month straight (until I found out that I had roaming charges...which almost cost my dad a fortune, but we got the charges removed because the woman I had talked to at AT&T had given us bad information). After that, all we could do was IM and facebook...which we tried. Things were good and bad...on and off. I flew home to RI in August after my internship....the first thing I saw when I arrived was well of course my parents, but later...jewelry sent from Jon lying wrapped on my bed. He had missed me and sent me jewelry! A few weekends later, he was due to visit too, even though my mom hated him for the cheating incident...I was so excited!

When Jon came to RI I showed him all my favorite spots...the park, we got del's lemonade and went to the beach, we got Frosty Freeze, we had a picnic on Ocean Drive...it was great! He met my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Sara....we went to Dave and Buster's and had an awesome time! It seemed like we were doing well. He flew back to Ohio the day after our D&B fun...and that's when it happened!

I got an email from him. I can't remember exactly what it said, but it was something along the lines of "I didn't cry when I arrived in Ohio and left you. I don't love you anymore. I guess this is over....goodbye." It was much longer than that, but anyway...something like that. I was more angry than anything! REALLY? REALLY? AN EMAIL! What a shitty way to break up with somebody! What a disrespectful, rude, impersonal way to tell someone you don't care for them anymore! I felt a like Carrie in the episode of Sex and the City with the Post-it note:

  Billy : All I'm saying is that there's no good way to break up with someone. 

Carrie : Well, it's funny you should mention that Billy, because, actually, there is. You can have the              guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation Because, here's what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy. And just so you know, Alan - 

Andrew : Andrew. 

Carrie : Uh huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that... That is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this; There is a good way to break-up with someone, And it doesn't include a post-it!

So you know what I did....I called that pussy ass bitch (that's right!)...Mr. I'm afraid of Confrontation...and I told him just that...that he took the pussy way out...that it was a bad way to break up with someone. It made me feel better to yell! LOL.

Have I heard from him again since then....sure. He tried to facebook friend me a little over a year ago....did I accept, No! Because I don't need that drama in my life! LOL I should have called him Mr. Email or Mr. Post-it note!

So Jon...he was a low-heeled black pump. A practical shoe that every woman needs (he was practical)...and that's why I think Skank stole him from me. She wasn't happy with the shoes she had tried on, and she wanted mine....a shoe that goes with anything, from jeans, to skirts, to dresses, to business suits...a shoe that is relatively comfortable (but still not the most for me)....Jon was the shoe who got stolen from me and never really returned.


Funny Moments with Jon:

 Well you already heard about the squirting in the eye....what else can I tell you? Hmm...

This doesn't necessarily just have to do with Jon, but I'll tell you anyway. When I was a Junior in college I had a roommate, we'll call her Lola. Her and I were really good friends. Jon and I used to do things for her all the time....go pick up her car with her early in the morning from downtown St. Pete because she was too drunk the last night and didn't drive it home, take care of her when she was drunk and vomiting into a plastic bag by her bed, etc. Well at the end of Junior year, even though she had signed a contract saying that she would room with me again the following year, she decided to move in with a bunch of people in another dorm and not tell me about. So, she pretty much was screwing me over, because she was never planning to tell me and I would have been stuck with a random roommate ( I had already had enough problems with roommates, so I didn't want that!). Now, things had been starting to go down hill before this and I don't know why....all I ever was was nice to her, but to be honest I think she's just a spoiled brat...she's manipulative, and she only hangs out with you when it's convenient for her...anyway...she pissed me off. Especially because she started spreading rumors about me, pitting people against me, saying things like "Reaching for Reefs said that if I didn't room with her next year, we couldn't be friends"....how juvenile (then again she was hanging out with Skank by the end of the year, so how mature could she really be?! LOL). So I decided to act a little juvenile myself. Lola had moved most of her stuff back home for the summer and one day while she was gone, Jon and I had sex on my bed, and when it was time for him to cum, guess where he did......I'll give you three guesses: 1) her chair, 2) her pillow, 3) in a pair of her shoes....If you guessed #2..on her pillow..you are correct! And afterwards we flipped her pillow over and left it for her to collect later. It may not be funny to you, but it was funny to me and still pretty much is to this day!

I can't really think of any more funny stories, but I'll post some if I come up with anymore...


Hope you enjoyed my low-heeled black pumps....go ahead and steal them, cause I don't want them anymore! LOL ;)

Until Next Time,
Reaching for Reefs

Knee High Boots the continuation: "Murdered by the Groom?"

So, just as a side note, I was reading an article in the current Cosmo called "Murdered by the Groom?" It's about sick guys who marry these women and them kill them on their honeymoon. One woman was forced by her fiance to take SCUBA diving lessons, even though she felt extremely uncomfortable. On their honeymoon, her maniacal hubby took her to the Great Barrier Reef, where they went diving. While 40 feet down, he was seen to give her a "bear hug," turning off her oxygen supply, and killed her.

Another man, named Shrien, hired men in South Africa to carjack him and his new wife on their honeymoon and then shoot his wife in the head.

Ok...the whole point of me piggy backing my story of the Knee High Boots with this is that we should all try to be a little cautious when getting to know someone and try not to ignore the warning signs.

The warning signs Cosmo mentions are as follows:

1. Obsession: sometimes a woman's insecurities can make her more vulnerable to these predators, and obsession can be mis-interpreted as devotion. This sounds a bit familiar to me.....Asshole seemed a little bit obsessed with me...always wanting to spend his free time with me, wanting to know where I was and what I was up to, etc

2. Is he distancing himself from your family: The husbands in these cases tended to avoid the bride's family.

3. Trying to seclude you from your family and friends.

4. Possessiveness.  They say that these crimes are fueled by extreme love and hate. "Spouse killers often go from love and possessive desire one moment to rage and hostility the next." "It's the intense mix of love and hate that fuels the killing."

5. Narcissism: They are convinced that they can get away with it.

I'm glad I didn't wait around to see if Asshole was a Honeymoon killer or not.

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs

Knee High Boots: The tight and constricting shoe

I was watching a Lifetime movie today that hit home in a lot of ways. It was about a girl who was dating this guy...at first glance he seemed like her knight in shining armor, promising to protect her and to always be there for her, to always love her....and then things went wrong...very wrong.

This post is going to be very hard for me...very heavy...a story that I have dreaded telling others in the past. One that brings tears to my eyes to this day. Unlike my other posts, I feel this one will not be so light-hearted. I just wanted to warn you, before you started to read it....

The guy I'm going to introduce next...well, you have already read about him. He's the guy from the party. I will be referring to him as the asshole, because he doesn't deserved to be given a real name...I don't want to think about his name, I don't want to see his name, and I don't want to ever mention his name again....

As described before, our romance started out very passionately....It was one of those fiery, red hot, only-read-about-in-romance-novels type of "love." It was like the passionate love shared between Romeo and Juliet...it was intense and foolish.... you were sucked into it like a moth being attracted to a flame. He made me feel wanted and needed...he made me feel special. At first he seemed to be this amazing guy. He wanted to talk to me all the time on the phone, he wanted to spend all his free time with me...his family loved me, and we just had a really good time. I would go up to his place on the weekends...spend every moment with him, whether it was watching football or doing homework.

The first 3 months of our relationship were great, or so I thought at the time. They were what I would call now the "Honeymoon phase"...you know...the phase where you are kind of infatuated with one another, excited by every little thing you learn about each other, but also the phase where you still don't quite show the person who you really are (maybe on purpose or maybe just subconciously)....you keep small little secrets to yourself or you don't always express your opinion about specific things, because you don't want to offend your partner....It was towards the end of the 3rd month of dating Asshole when we were lying in bed in my dorm room, after a nice romp around in the sheets, and he looked me in the eye and proposed to me. We had been talking about it a little bit, but really just in terms of "what ifs" and "one day" ....at first I wasn't so sure....to this day I still don't know why I said yes after only knowing him for 3 months, but I did. I think one thing that had a major impact on my decision was the fact that around Christmas I had found out that Andy (as I have discussed in my Butterfuly Bamboo Platforms post) was engaged and getting married in the spring...I was devastated....seeing as I still thought about "Maybe one day...we'd end up back together"....another thing that may have swayed my decision to say yes to Asshole was that, for once, I wanted to be taken care of instead of doing the caring for and Chris, the guy I dated before him, had not done that for me....

So, I was engaged at the age of 20 my sophmore year of college....Wow! It feels like another life time....

Anyway, I'm not really sure when the red flags started going up/signs were showing and why I didn't see them right away, but after a few months of being engaged, Asshole started to change...his knight in shining armor being a complete facade. I guess the first sign I should have noticed was when he started to insist on hanging out with his friends and kind of pulling me away from mine...he would say mean things about my roommate, who he didn't even know. And when I would defend her, which I would because she was one of my best friends and I don't let anybody talk to or about my family or friends in a disrespectful way, he would scream at me...we would fight. But every couple fights right? And Chris had done the same thing with my friends......so I guess I didn't really pick up on it. Slowly, without me noticing (or maybe I did notice and somehow was in denial, I don't know), Asshole's behavior started to get worse.

I'll never forget the night a group of my friends, Asshole, and I were on campus playing flip cup and other drinking games in another dorm complex. After a few hours, we were tired, so a group of us left, including me and Asshole. As we were walking to my dorm room, Asshole, knowing where my ex lived, ran across the complex, and kicked the door of his building, shattering the glass. Asshole then started belligerently yelling things, trying to entice my ex to come out and fight....I was shocked, embarrassed, ashamed! I should have broke up with Asshole then and there.....

After that incident, which I had to pay $200 to get the door fixed by the way, Asshole was restricted from campus grounds. Someone from my ex's dorm had reported him. Some nights I would sneak Asshole into my room and when security came by I would hide him in my closet...other nights I would have him pick me up at the back gate of our school and we would sleep in his car behind the Publix complex. II also was getting caught up in smoking pot with him and his friends a lot...which I had never done before. I was losing myself...who was I? Why...why would I do this to myself? Why didn't I get out of it then? I still think to myself.  I knew that I deserved better...I don't know what went through my head those days, I don't know why I stayed with him...

It only got worse...summer came around and I was working for the Waterfront again. Asshole and I had been looking for apartments for him and finally found one in April. As I thought about my summer job, the idea came up to move in with Asshole for the summer.....If I didn't live on campus, I would be making more money because they wouldn't be taking living expenses our of my salary. Asshole begged me to live with him, saying that if I didn't he would be extremely pissed... so disregarding my parents advice, I moved in with Asshole in May.

In retrospect, what a bad idea! It was a shitty apartment in a not so safe area of town. But that's not what made me want to avoid it....the fact that Asshole had gotten more possessive, more controlling...that's why I didn't want to go home. He would accuse me of dressing like a slut when I went on interviews to get a second job (in order to have money for food for the both of us, as well as to take care of our cat and guinea pig), because I was wearing a nice fitting pair of black pants. He would accuse me of making eyes at our neighbors, when I was only being friendly. He would complain that I didn't spend enough time with him, when I was working two jobs to pay the bills and support us. Oh...and on top of that I was talking an independent Calculus II course and had a tutor to help me with it....he would complain about that too! He would let the laundry and dishes pile up and tell me I should do them...which was ridiculous, because he only had one job, as a cook at night. So he had plenty of time to clean up, but instead he was lazy. Instead, he'd invite his friends over after work and they would smoke pot all night and talk about idiotic things, while I tried to sleep in the other room, because I had to get up early to work.

I don't know how it started, but the tension started to grow, fights started to become more frequent and more violent in our apartment. When I got home, all I wanted to do was return to a pleasant environment, a sanctuary, where I could relax...enjoy spending time with my animals and my fiance before I had to go to bed. Instead, I was being constantly bombarded.... I remember returning home from my second job at midnight one day.....when I got home, I found Asshole on my computer, searching for something. Now, I'm not a computer person, I just know average things, like how to use Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc...I don't know shortcuts, I don't know much...so when Asshole asked me why I still had pictures of me and my ex on my computer, and to my knowledge I deleted them all, I didn't know how they were still on there, saved way back in files. Asshole started calling me names, like "Nigger lover" and "Slut." He told me that I had a "Gaping Vagina," because I slept with so many people. He would say things like this all the time. And me, being the person I am, would not take that shit....so I'd start screaming at him...how dare he call me that! How dare he talk like that to me!

Soon, our screaming matches were intensified....Asshole started to do much more than emotionally abuse me. I started to hate coming home...I feared coming home....afraid that Asshole would accuse me of something else, question me about something, and then get so angry that he would hit me. There were several nights I feared for my life. Most of you, I hope to God for your sake, will never have to know the stress and utter apprehension of having to come home to that.....praying, "Please God, don't let me go to the hospital tonight," "Please God, let him be out when I come home or at least be in a good mood."

It made him mad when I would come home from my second job and be too tired to have sex with him....he would yell at me saying, "You are my fiance, you should want to have sex with me." Once, he trapped me against the wall and the bed, got angry, and then tried to pry my legs apart.....I cringed, remembering the time that I was taken advantage of in high school, and started to cry, begging him to leave me alone. He got so angry, he punched a hole in the wall. There were also times where I would start crying and he didn't want the neighbors to hear, so he would choke me.....once he left a huge bruise and scratch on the side of my neck. I took a picture of it, thinking it would be good evidence to go to the police with, but when he found it on my camera, I was subjected to even more pain. People at work saw that bruise, but they just joked about it, saying.."Well, we know what you do on your time off"...insinuating that I liked playing rough in the bedroom. I just laughed it off, 'Yea sure....' Nobody asked if I was ok, nobody noticed that anything was wrong....the neighbors who heard my cries didn't report anything....take this as a lesson. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself....

At this point, and I know you are all wondering this, I was trying to get out. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me....Why did I hold on for so long? There was no hope there...he always said he was sorry, that he would change...he promised that we would see a relationship counselor, but it never happened. He was never going to change. I used to look at the women form the shelter for abused women and children at my church back home, and think how could they let things get that far, why didn't they leave sooner. I couldn't believe that I was now in the same position...how did I get here? What was I doing?

I tried calling friends, co-workers...trying to find a place to move into...nobody would call me back and the people that did answer said that I could only stay there a week. That they didn't have the space....that they were sorry they couldn't help. I called the cops on him once, saying that he was suicidal and that when I had told him that I wanted to spend the night at my friend's house (instead of enduring his wrath) that he had gone to the knife drawer, pulled one out, and put it to his wrist. He actually did this several times...he was very manipulative. I would try to break up with him and he would grab on to my legs, sob, and then threaten to commit suicide. I actually had to wrestle a knife out of his hand once.

I know what you are thinking...call your parents! Why didn't you call your parents?! I didn't want to call my parents....I thought they would be ashamed of me, I thought they would be angry with me...I didn't want them to know what was going on. I didn't want them to think I was irresponsible....

I ended up making it through the summer with him, thanking God that I was going back to school...that I would be living in a dorm room again soon. Once I had moved into my dorm room, I knew it was time to end it. The last straw came one weekend when I was visiting Asshole. He and his roommates were sitting around, talking about something stupid like they always do, and I laughed at a comment one of them made. Well, Asshole, being an insecure prick, thought I was laughing at him and came out from the kitchen angry. He had butter on a napkin, which he smeared on my face. I got mad! I ran to his room and cried...and he came in and tried to "silence" me...aka I was being choked again....I thought I was going to die that day.

As soon as I got back to my college after that weekend, I went to a counselor. I told him I wanted to break up with Asshole and I wanted to know the best way to do it, so that he wouldn't commit suicide...I didn't want that on my conscience. He said "Just do it." So that day I called Asshole up...and I gave him a piece of my mind. I told him that it was over, that he never really loved me, because you don't hit people you love....I told him that it's not about him anymore, it's about me! I told him that I was tired of being taken advantage of...emotionally, physically, and financially... I won't put up with this and that he will be punished for this by God....I told him he was going to hell! Then I hung up.

I had to change my phone number, because Asshole was consistantly calling me, begging for me to take him back. I finally told my parents what was going on...it felt pretty good to finally be able to confide in them. I was surprised, my parents were very supportive, very calm about the whole thing....The one good thing that came about from this was that my family and I really got close after. I wish I had told them what had been going on a lot earlier...maybe I wouldn't have been subjected to Asshole's torture for so long. I went to the counselor for a few months....thinking it might do me good.

Asshole was a constricting pair of knee high boots. The more and more I wore them, the tighter they got.....the more I felt trapped. I couldn't deal with the leather...it felt like it was cutting off my circulation, cutting me off from the outside world. I couldn't breathe...I didn't feel comfortable. Those knee high boots, they tricked me...they looked like they were made out of fabulous material, but in restrospect, that material was worn, damaged, and cheap.

I'm so thankful to this day that I got my life back....that I was able, slowly, to put the pieces of me that were shattered and lost back together. It's been hard....it still is hard....but eventually I became a whole person again. I'm so thankful I made it out of that relationship....I almost lost everything...myself, my friends, my family, my goals......

Thank you! Thank you whoever, whatever was watching over me...I am truly thankful!

I hope that none of you have to encounter a pair of knee high boots like this, but if you have, know that you have a friend right here....to talk about it with, to give you advice. And if you are in a relationship right now with a knee high boot like this, know that you can get out....you just have to have the courage.

Until next time,
Reaching for Reefs