I also had been having many conversations with one of my best guy friends from home, Ryan. We were both in between relationships and in a bit of a rut, especially him, because only recently had he found out that his fiance, or should I say ex-fiance, had an affair while he was serving in Iraq. What a bitch! Ryan and I had always been close...well, ever since high school. We had many things in common, like the fact that we both loved cats, wanted to be married by the time we turned 30, wanted to eventually have a family, always turned everything into a sexual inuendo, loved Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, and were hopeless romantics... Ok..so many some of the things we had in common were a little foolish, but whatever! We were also huge flirts....there was always this tension between us, but it was more of a friendly flirting than anything else (On a side note: I missed winning class flirt by 5 votes my senior year of high school, just so you understand where I'm coming from. I think it's fun to flirt and I obviously tone it down when I'm in a relationship, but as soon as I hit the market, I'm back to flirting and talking it up with every cute guy I see).
Ryan and I had always wondered what it would be like if we dated one another and as our friends', Sara and Kyle, wedding drew closer, these conversations and thoughts were getting more and more frequent and enticing.
Soon, it was January, and I was home in RI for the wedding!! Sara's bachelorette party was a blast! We played one of those dare card games, where you have to do certain things and get other people in the club to do things for you and you win points! The one with the most points at the end of the night is the champion! Hah...I had to ask the "hottest" man in the room, deemed so by the party, to kiss me. Which I was pretty pissed at this guy, because at first he wouldn't do it, cause his boss was there, but by the end of the night, I got him to...Seductress over here! That night Laura, Sara, and I ended up sleeping over at Laura's house, all in the same bed, like the old times! It was a great night. I could tell you many more stories about that night, but I don't think it's my place to be discussing such things ;) All I can tell you is all night, even though Ryan was at a strip club with Kyle and the rest of the bachelor party, he was texting me.
At the wedding rehearsal, I saw Ryan for the first time in 5 years. We acted as we usually do....saying hello, hugging, flirting a bit, etc. I also did a little flirting with my fellow groomsman, who was walking with me down the isle. Sara had paired us up not by height, but by personality, and let me tell you, this guy definitely understood my humor! Funny thing was, seeing us walk down the isle was like looking at a giant and a pea, me playing the role of the pea. My groomsman stood at least a foot taller than me...probably more. I had to tell him to take shorter strides, just so I could keep up with him...and the heels didn't help!
Anyway, back to my story...so, there was more flirting and talking at the rehearsal dinner, between both me and Ryan and me and my groomsman. Flirting, which was only amplified by glasses of wine and more glasses of wine. I hope I didn't embarrass Sara and Kyle that night, because wine hits me fast...like 3 glasses and I'm gone...and I tend to get louder than I normally am, which is pretty loud, when I get tipsy...so I just hope I didn't embarrass them in front of their parents.
After the rehearsal dinner, Ryan and I decided to visit our friend Laura at work. So we drove to downtown Newport and while at a red light, I said to him: 'All I could think of at dinner was how it would feel to kiss you' and he agreed. He then leaned over and kissed me. Now, Ryan's got a good memory, so he would be able to tell you the song that was playing when this happened, but unfortunately I cannot recall the song (maybe because I had had one too many). So, we get to Laura's restaurant, and she gets us a drink and we have a great conversation. Then I get a call from my groomsman...he wants to meet up with all of us and hang out...ok, cool! But when I tell Ryan this, well he gets so angry. He tells me, if the groomsman comes here, that he's leaving and that I could find your own ride home...wow! I couldn't believe he had said that to me, but anyway, out of respect for Ryan (or maybe stupidity) I told my groomsman that I'm actually not feeling too well and I think I will go home to bed instead.
Ryan and I leave Laura's restaurant after finishing our drinks and head to Kyle's, where Ryan picks up his tux and we play boardgames with Kyle's family....that was such a fun night with them!!!
The next day I'm up early, bustling around, getting hair and nails done and whatnot...primping for the wedding. Pictures being taken, helping Sara with her dress, etc etc. Eventually it's time to head over to the church in the limo....all the bridesmaids, including Becca and I, are taking pictures with Sara and one another, listening to the radio and singing along!
The wedding goes really well...Sara looks gorgeous, Kyle is so nervous his face is turning red and the look on his face when Sara walked down the isle was priceless! Many tears of joy were shed. It was a great ceremony!
The reception was the best part though! It was like a high school reunion....we saw all of our friends, met up with Sara's friends from college and Kyle's friends from San Diego. I danced so much, I barely ate.....they took away their wedding cake before I could even have a bite of it :( The dance floor was like the foam parties we used to have at Eckerd, minus the foam and everyone in formal wear! I remember Ryan and I danced to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours," what was to become, for a short period in time, our song.
The party did not stop once we were kicked out of the place. Sara and Kyle may have gone to their honeymoon suite, which by the way, we decorated with rose petals, chocolates, condoms, lube, a fake pair of handcuffs that said "Love slave," and champagne, but the rest of us went to O'Brien's! If you've ever visited Newport, than you should know about O'Brien's! It was packed and we continued drinking and dancing, reminiscing about old times, etc.
That night Ryan took me home and even though we hadn't discussed it, I think that night we decided, we should try doing this whole relationship thing. We were official on January 30 and the only reason I remember that, to be honest, is because I have it written down in my sketch book.
So, our short relationship started. He visited me twice, I want to say, in St. Pete. Again, I had to sneak him in and out on weekdays, so that the staff at the prep school I worked at didn't get all bent out of shape (really, it was more like the head of school that would have cared...she was such a bitch). We had good times...mini-golfing with my friends Lisa and Lenny. He was there the weekend before Valentine's day I believe....and he did the sweetest thing. I came home from work Saturday night to find my apartment lit up with a walkway make out of candles and rose petals, "I'm Yours" playing in the background, and a bubble bath prepared! Ryan had also set out some champagne and our favorite candy, sour patch kids! It was the nicest thing anybody had ever done for me for Valentine's Day, and til this day I am still very grateful for that surprise!
Needless to say, we had a nice night. Our bubble bath was followed by a romantic dinner, which I had prepared. Homemade manicotti for us, salad, antipasto too! All followed by heart-shaped brownies that I had made!
Ryan also bought me Katy Perry tickets for my birthday so that me and a friend could go! What an awesome concert it was by the way!
Although Ryan could be sweet and romantic, in the end, I feel we made better friends than partners. See, every time I talked on the phone with him and tried to discuss emotional things, he would just shut down, or not respond...I didn't feel like I was getting the emotional connection I needed from him. Now, part of this may have been the fact that he was taking anti-depressant/anxiety medication. I know that they can change your personality, sometimes even changing you into an unfeeling robot. And I felt bad, but I just couldn't be with somebody who I felt like that with...who every time I talked about an issue with, it was like talking to a wall. I know he was going through a lot of stuff...I know that there were things in his life that he was trying to work on and change, but I just couldn't do it. I also was starting to get bored with our conversations (which isn't a good thing when you are trying to do a long distance relationship...see, he was a fire fighter in the Air force and once he got out, he continued to do this at a base in Georgia)...they were always so superficial, like "How was your day?" followed by how many pounds he benched pressed today, how much muscle he was trying to put on, etc...
So one day, after a few months of dating, we had a mutual break up. I told him, I just didn't want it to get to the point where we hated each other, where we never wanted to talk to each other again...I didn't want it to get to a point where it we were beyond repairing our friendship we once had.
It was sad, but necessary and it benefited both of us in the end, I think.
Ryan was like a semi-casual flat....they can be comfortable most of the time, but at the end of the day, they don't give you enough arch support and the middle of your feet are sore, not a sharp pain, but a dull, lingering one. Ryan, he was a comfortable fit and I thought we were pretty compatible, but at the end of the day, my feet hurt, because I wasn't getting the emotional support I needed. And although I tried to work these issues out, the "pain" I was feeling, was somewhat a lingering one. I just couldn't deal with that kind of thing every day.
Funny Moments with Ryan:
Ok, so Ryan and I always had a good time, whether it was going to Sea World for my birthday, which I am still thankful for, or whatever. But to be honest, the times we had in bed, for me at least, weren't as fun. It's not that he was a horrible lover, because he wasn't....I got mind plenty of times...it was just how everything finished. Now, I know some people are going to think horrible things when I say this, and I'm sorry, but this is how I feel. I could not stand how at the end of our romp in the sheet, Ryan would orgasm.....most guys ya know...make a little grunt or tense up a bit/go paralyzed, or maybe a little of both. But Ryan, it was like he was having seizures...he spasmed so bad that I didn't know whether I should call an ambulance or grab a spoon from the cabinet and hold down his tongue so he didn't choke on it. He also made noise, but not regular grunting....it almost sounded like something was dying. I know that most of the time, people cannot control their reactions when they are having an intense orgasm, but it just turned me off to see that every time.
I'm sure Ryan will one day find a sweet girl who appreciates him for who is he and is just as much of a freak in bed as he is, but that just wasn't for me. I still love him dearly as a friend though and I hope that he is doing well....actually, I talk to him often enough, that I know he is doing much better! He's gotten a lot of his past issues in check and I'm very proud of him for that!
So, my semi-casual pair of flats...they are still in my life, they are just my fun, friendly pair of shoes, as opposed to my perfect pair of shoes! I'll say hi to them, wear them out, walk around in them, but I'm still searching... Hey! I'm going shopping today, who knows!
Reaching for Reefs
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